my bf of 4 yrs(engaged 2) has a short fuse.He has never hit me but has smashed a few things when pissed at me.He likes to yell and sware(i never at him) when fighting with me.He does not call me names but he will say things like "I can't take this f-cking sh-t anymore find someone else" or "go to f-cking hell".Now he does not talk to anyone else like this just me.At the end of yelling with me he will always say to himself loud enough for me to hear"i need to get out of here" meaning move out.Why do i stay? Both my parents have died and i am only child i have no family.I moved out off state to be close to his family so i don't really have any close friends i just know a few people from work.I'm so sad all the time but if i leave him i will be alone and don't know if im just overreacting as i have no one to talk to about this.
2007-05-23 14:04:27 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you marry this guy, it is only going to get worse. Marriage is not going to change him, babies will not change him.
The next time he talks to you like that, tell him you think its a good idea that he leave. then you be strong and walk away.
I know it is easier said then done, But if you care about yourself, you need to do it.
Best of luck.
2007-05-23 14:16:20 · answer #1 · answered by Kismitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not overreacting. Feeling sad all the time is not normal. You most certainly have the right to expect better treatment from your boyfriend. You both need to a find a way to communicate with one another without the yelling and name-calling. Counseling would be a good option if both of you are open to it. If he seems unwilling to do so, you may have to move on.
I know that it may be hard to think about leaving him and his family, but I think it's even worse to think about being yelled at like that for the rest of your life.
Above all, I want to stress that he won't just miraculously come to some realization that he shouldn't yell. It's going to be up to you to start making the changes.
2007-05-23 14:13:53 · answer #2 · answered by chibininjausagi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is and it will probably never change. If you have no children with him I would run like hell. I have been with my husband for 14 years (married for 5) and he's already filed for divorce twice. It's a control, power thing. I've never cheated on him and he calls me a bi***, wh***, sl**. It's just gotten progressively worse. It will hurt for a while but you will get over him and hopefully find someone that will love you and treat you with the respect you deserve. Hurting a little while is better than hurting the rest of your life. I'm in the process of divorce now with 3 kids and scared to death but I know I'll be alright, better alone than with my husband :) Good Luck! Like the others said it will turn physical, the signs are there. I've even had a loaded shot gun pointed at me. Our 3 year old went to the sitters and demonstrated how daddy hurt mommy. RUN
2007-05-23 14:13:34 · answer #3 · answered by rhonda c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't over-reacting at all. This is typical behavior of an abusive person. He is verbally and emotionally abusive to you. Believe me, if you think you have no one now, you will have less after you marry him because he will further isolate you and then you will be even more scared to leave him. this type of behavior often develops into physical abuse by the way.
I'm sorry you are so sad. Perhaps you could talk to someone you feel close to at work. I think you better get out of that situation before it gets worse. Imagine having two babies with him, he beats you repeatedly in front of them and having to leave? Let me tell you - it is torture to imagine your children being brought up in this environment and not having anywhere to turn. Get out while you can....
2007-05-23 14:11:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, I have a guy friend thats only ever treated his girlfriends like that. With me he was caring and sensitive, but with his girlfriends sit there and make accuations walk out of the house, say he doesn't know why he stays there. I know from watching him he was pushing people away because of something that had happened to him. He lost his mom when he was younger and doesn't want to get close to anyone. But its hard to know why he does this. The question is do you love him enough to put up with it. And also, why are you afraid of being alone, and willing to be treated badly just to have someone.
You are worth being treated with respect, you have to decide for yourself what you want to do.
2007-05-23 14:08:47 · answer #5 · answered by Kellie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is most certainly headed in the direction of physical abuse. I suggest you go to a battered women's shelter and talk to a counsellor. They deal with this every day and can help you put this in perspective. The can also offer you some help if you do decide to leave. Look in the newspaper classifieds, online, or check out the front of your phone book.
2007-05-23 14:08:24 · answer #6 · answered by Terri J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not any abuse. You stay there and take it. Life is to short to stay in a bad relationship for one day. If you leave you wont be alone long. You have put up with this for 4years. You're not really that up-set about it. If you don't get out of there he will get worse. And finally you'll be on Oprah saying"I don't know why he tried to kill me".....
2007-05-23 14:21:00 · answer #7 · answered by Mister Bald 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's clearly an abusive...emotional abusive.
You better get out quickly and fix yourself to another place. Find some roommate for you to live with so it won't be hard for you but be careful of those cunning people around like your boyfriend. He probably the sweetest guy you ever met till you live together. I'm afraid one day he will hit you physically and I don't want you end up like that. Get out of him while you can.
2007-05-23 14:11:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen--- how often do you guys fight? I'm guessing often enough if you are talking about it right now. I would definitely consider it some sort of abuse... if he's telling you to find someone else... I just would. His loss, girlfriend!!! Trust me, you can find someone else who will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Maybe you should take a time-out from him and see if he realizes how much he actually loves you. But honestly, you don't deserve that crap, and neither does anyone else.
2007-05-23 14:10:33 · answer #9 · answered by krvawt88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may seam like the hard es thing you ever did.But once you do it its not so hard.I was in your shoes at one time no way to turn no family or friends .But I had to go .I phoned women in crises.They came and got me when he was at work.Gave me a place to stay help me fine my own apt.Now I am happy and free like a load off my back .The hard part is knowing its over and to walk away.When you do and you will never look back .look forward to a better life its there go for it
2007-05-23 14:23:43 · answer #10 · answered by freddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋