Ok so I am working on adopting a 14 year old girl who was abused by both her parents sexually, physically, verbally, and just about every possible way. She was abused so bad that she eneded up in the hospital. While she was there we found out that she has cancer. She has been in the hospital for 4 months and I have been with her 24/7 since then. She is very scared a lot of the time, of people, of sleeping because she has bad dreams, and about me leaving her. This causes her to cling to me a lot because I'm the only person she trusts. I'm fine with that but I'm wondering if I baby her too much. I sleep with her when she is scared, I rub her back, I let her be attached to her favorite teddy bear (she has conversations with it) and her blanky... Like today she is in isolation because she had major surgery yesterday. I wasn't able to see her except for a few short visits. Well this morning she forgot were she was and started getting scared that I left her...
running out of space...
2007-05-23 12:38:59 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
so she started crying. Then she got sick because she was so scared. She had a fever and she started throwing up.This is the worst thing for her right now because she was anorexic (only 61lbs) and dosn't have much stregnth to get better so her getting sick is really bad. Well the docotors desided to let me in to see her for a while. When I first got there she was a mess. After a while I got her to calm down when I told her over and over again that mommy loves you,sweetie mommy won't let anything bad happen to you ever mommy would never leave her little girl... That when it was time to leave she started crying again. I said to her you need to be mommys big strong brave girl OK sweetie? And then I let her cry a little on my shoulder. Am I babying her too much. I feel that she needs this kind of attention. But am I babying her too much?
2007-05-23 12:45:08 · update #1
I do have times were she is with my husband, or my other two daughters(22 and 27), or my mother. But besides those times she is always with me.
2007-05-23 12:47:18 · update #2
WOW! My husband and I both were this girl...LOVE HER DAMNIT LOVE HER! I tell you that even with her past she may find love is there for her she will need so much therapy do not let them or yourself tell her or let herself think she is crazy it was not her fault you will tell her for the rest of her life but if you can not handle the preasure you have taken on get out now. She may find love and security but statistics show that the fear is always there she will find abusive men so she feels loved twisted I know but it happens you need to do therapy so you can express yourself to as this goes on you can not take out on her any of the issues she has they happened because someone else had no soul. LOVE HER and do not give up it will take many years for her to trust you and even then she may have her doubts let her experiance life but dont push I know my husband adopted at 10 and then was still abused never got over it he still fears I will leave him like all the rest I had it better I was taken into state custody and was given so much cognitive thinking stratagies I believe I am still scarred but am much better off. PLEASE dont give up it is going to tear you up and your family but in the end you will save an innocent angel. You just trying to be there are my HERO!
2007-05-23 12:52:32 · answer #1 · answered by susylivingston 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm very glad you're there for her. No you're not "babying" her. But I do think your efforts are slightly going in another direction which might not help her in the long run. I do think both of you should go to counseling together. It could really help you figure out how to help her and not cross fine lines of hindering her from being a regular teen. And it would help her get through some of her fears. Also try having her write in a journal everyday. It really helps. Or any creative outlet like art, poetry, literature, anything you guys can do together would be great. Look up types of therapy. I know some families get therapeutic pets for troubled children. Hope this helps and you're a wonderful mother! Lord knows we need more caring parents because who's gonna be there when the troubled youth grows up to be troubled adults? oh P.S. when I was little I had horrible nightmares and then I heard about dream catchers. I made a few and hung them up and as a child you believe in whatever healing... seriously idk if I still believe in it but when you're going through lows anything helps.
2016-05-21 02:59:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...Im only 12 years old, and I have just read a book that relates to this situation. I think that there is NO WAY you are babying her too much. Think of what she's gone through. It is very hard to think of, but imagine if your parents hated you, wouldn't that make you feel like everything is dangerous? Nobody was there to tell her that they loved her. I think that if you are willing to devote this amount of time to this girl, go for it. I would try to tell her some things that are good, don't ever refer to bad things if possible. I know she's 14, but it seems she's never had the attention that a 3 or 4 year old would need. Read her stories...it may seem weird but things like 3 little pigs, Goldylocks...ect. You should try to tell her the doctors are nice, tell her the nurses are your friends. Tell her that they will protect her. In no way are you babying her. You may want to read The Lottery Rose by Irene Hunt. In this book the boy is in the same situation (except for the cancer part) and it shows he is attached to flowers. Ask her what she likes, if she really likes teddy bears, maybe you can get her one. Tell her that maybe her bear can have another bear friend. Well I hope that she recovers, and I think that you are IN NO WAY doing anything wrong. You are a very good person. Good luck.
2007-05-23 13:31:29 · answer #3 · answered by derejrcar 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are trying to get her through a horrible acute illness so you can then deal with the fall out from her past abuse. This is love and support, not babying.
I would caution you to not say "Mommy won't let anything bad happen to you" because bad things ARE happening. Make sure you tell her that you and the people who love her will be with her every step of the way, however possible.
I pray for you all. I hope her recovery is smooth. She has a great team working on her side with all the love and support she did not have until now.
And mom, take care of yourself! She will need you for a long time to come and you can't afford to get sick yourself when so much is on your shoulders.
2007-05-28 20:16:16 · answer #4 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not babying her too much. After all she has been through you are doing the best you can. I think its wonderful how great your being. She has been through so much in away she never got the love she should of had as a baby till this age. Thats why she gets scared so easily because she has been hurt so badly. But you are doing the right thing, i would say maybe get a her a special teddy bear or something that she can cling to when you cant be with her. So she will has have something from you with her, that way she knows no matter what you will be there for her. I hope it all works out and she pulls through.
2007-05-23 12:52:51 · answer #5 · answered by Cassie V 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think its a very brave thing youre doing with this child. There should be more helpful people out there! I dont think your babying her because of the situation she is in and the trials she has been through, but I think she might need to be seen by a phsychiatrist or something for emotional support that you might not beable to help with, she may have any sort of disorder due to the abuse she has suffered. You can take her and tell her you'll be right outside that way she is getting the right treatment, or you may just stay with her if she can talk openly about the past with you there.
Good luck and God bless you and your family!!
2007-05-29 08:36:35 · answer #6 · answered by Heather 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she may need this level of attention for a while, to transition to a point where she can trust you and others who mean her no harm. Years of abuse don't create walls that can be broken down in months, these are walls that need years of chipping away at. Especially considering the situation, I'd be less worried about babying her, sounds like this may be the first time she has every been the recipiant of this kind of love and attention. Prolonged doting over her could have some negative side effects, as it can with any child. You also have to weigh your own comfort level and willingness as well. If your gut tells you to give her some space or give yourself some time now and then, do it. Let her know you are not going to leave her, then prove it by staying by her side. I commend you for being a good person!
2007-05-23 12:47:47 · answer #7 · answered by joseph's brain 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No you are definitely not babying her too much. You have to realize that she has been let down by absolutely everyone she was supposed to be able to depend on. When you take into account that she is sick and has obviously gone through so much in such a short period of time babying her is the least of her problems. Let her be attached to her teddy bear and her blanket. Those are probably the only two things that have gotten her through all the tough times...
2007-05-23 19:57:56 · answer #8 · answered by Arcangel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as many others, i also do not believe that you are babying her too much. It will come to the point when the child will begin to feel safe and secure with you and other family members. Until then, she is thriving for the attention that she has never had. Once the child has began to open up to everyone with less dependence, you can slowly start showing her more freedom as to form her into a strong individual. I aplaud you for taking on such a devotion and wish there were more individuals in the world with the kind of heart you have!
2007-05-23 13:08:58 · answer #9 · answered by laceyalexisb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no way you're babying her. I'm very happy for the child because she's found someone like you. I'm pretty sure she is very happy to have you as well. There is no sense of thinking you could baby someone who's been though so much. Just talk to her and let her know you'll always be there but there are times you have to leave and there is nothing she should worry about cause you'll always return. Just don't make a promise you can't keep cause that would end up hurting her even more probably! Keep up the great work!
2007-05-23 12:47:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋