Should I forgive my Dad?

Question

I met my Dad when I was 18. I had to search for him, while he knew where I was till I was 10, and after that all he had to do was ask around, any way now he wants to be in my life but he lives miles away and the only way to see each other is by plane. He wants me to call him yet he pretty much never calls me because he's busy with my brothers and sisters (that's what he says). My mom never asked him to pay child support. My sister has a brand new car he gave her and he buys me a 1997, $4,000 car. There are a lot of other little situations like that, that are really hurting me. I don't want special treatment, just equal treatment, but he makes no intent to take care of me, when he never has, but can and could because has a lot of money. Should I let it go, or just realize he doesn't care?

My sister is not even his daughter by blood, she's his step daughter and her dad is still alive. I don't want his money I just want him to try to be a part of my life not just to say he does.

Answer 1

My 27 year old daughter is in much the same predicament. She was born out of wedlock....at 18 months old her father signed legitimation papers. He eventually married, had a son by his wife, and 21/2 yr. ago they divorced. During my daughter*s childhood the only support she received from him was during the 11 months that he was in the navy. She has a 1 yr. old son now, and is desperately wanting to mend the fences so that he can grow up knowing and being actively involved in his *grandpa*s* life. Her half-brother is now 17, and she has to sit back and watch as her dad spends time with him, takes him to the movies, etc..(those things she once wished for and never had) It*s a daily struggle for her....and yet she keeps entending her hand and heart.....for money can*t replace love....and time spent together. She just wants to feel equally loved and important, as I know is your desire. You took the time to find your dad....so this was important to you, don*t let it go. You are a young adult now, sit and talk to your Dad....and together you two work this out. It*ll take time and understanding...and most importantly the desire to forgive and establish a Now relationship. Good Luck..............

Answer 2

You should be so lucky that he bought you a car at all! My parents would never buy me anything after I turned 18 and anything beyond living essentials that I got in high school was bought with my own money from my job.

He does care. You just have to be open to accept it and stop resenting him for not being in your life. Even in "normal" family situations, one sibling may get favored over another. It's not worth losing sleep over if he doesn't treat you exactly the same. You don't know what her problems were in the past that may have caused him to feel compelled to buy her a new car vs. buying a used one.

Answer 3

tell him how you feel
maybe that's all he could afford (the car)
the most my dad's ever bought me is a dinner at applebees.

but, as devestating as it is, dont get your hopes up. my father(s) (i have 2. 1 i haven't spoken to in 4 years and the other one won't call me, i call him) are the same way. they concentrate on their little families and dont try to have a relationship with me, altho they tell me they want one. he may still care, but sometimes it's hard, i think, for them to really fully accept they have another daughter. I didn't meet my real dad til i was 19. i had to search for him and ended up meeting his whole family before him. They wanted more to do with me than he did. email me if you want to share more and get some more support. [e-mail]
you should forgive him. Forgive him and just take what u can get.

Answer 4

He may not see he is doing things differently, or he may think you don't want him to do as much for you...It at least is worth asking him! Even if you get it wrong, he may have to rethink his treatment of you and begin anew...If it is just a case of your sister being a favorite, this treatment is not fair, but may never change...JUST ASK! You may be pleasantly surprised to find out he thought YOU were the distant one...(sorry, but I think I need to ask, Is there a chance that you belong to a different Dad?) If he is a step-dad..He may feel that he is not obligated to treat you the same as the older one...It does happen. Not fair, but truthful.

Answer 5

I think you should write him a letter - which as a rule is a big no-no with me, since I believe in not putting things down in writing unless absolutely necessary. I think you should tell him exactly how you feel about all of this. BUT I think you should write the letter and put it aside for a week. Then get the letter back out, re-read it and decide whether or not you actually said precisely what you intend to say.

If your letter is accurate, at that point, send it.

Answer 6

Well the good Book says to Honor your Mother and Father, but I believe that you havta tell him this, so that he becomes aware of it, also look at the relationship between your sister and your father, usually that gives you some ideas to help you, and if he's doing this purposefully, then still forgive him, but make no effort whatsoever, that way, if he wants the relationship with you, he'll have to put some effort. But in these matters try to think of his actions from his point of view, everyone has their reasons, you know.

Answer 7

He might be wanting you to visit him to get to know you better before he starts providing equally for you. But it does sound like he's making you jump thru hoops a bit where he's not meeting you halfway. if he's wanting you to pay for your tickets there and do all the calling, thats kind of a tough spot to be in. It could be tough for him where he's got more history with the others, it might just take time to build that bond with him also.

Answer 8

Try to have a good heart to heart conversation with your father and tell him about how you feel, and also that you are not trying to pressure him into anything. Just want to figure out with him how your relationship should move from now. Try not to compare yourself to your sister and use wisdom in referring to YOUR situation... See if there is ground to build a better relationship with him, and if so, forgive him and let go of your hurt dear heart. You are the one suffering from that and explain to him your wish to be happy despite of what happened in the past. If he does not respond in a positive manner, I think it would be better for you to keep distances for your peace of mind.

Sorry to hear of your situation. I hope your father will find it in his heart to be straight with you and recuperate the broken pieces to save the little happiness that's offered to him for the future.

Have a beautiful day.
GBY.

Answer 9

well just get him alone and ask him whats up my mom and dad really wasn`t there i`m 27 and my dad just started talking to me he has a step daughter that he buys everything for but understand dads that really arent around when there babys are growing up are afraid they aren`t loved and it hurts them just as much as it hurts us so tell him 2 days out of the year are urs and his to make time 4 u that he missed i bet he does it. money isn`t everything its the love we need to get by. God bless u and i hope everything turns out alright between u 2!

Answer 10

my real father really didn't have much to do with me either. He tried to come back into my life when i was an adult too and it just never really felt right. I don't talk with him or keep in touch and it really doesn't bother me anymore because it is his problem not mine. You could tell him how you feel first and see if that helps. If nothing changes then just go on with your life like you did before he came back into it.