Ex-Christians, how do you deal with your still religious family?

Question

I grew up Christian, Once I turned 18 I moved out and went to college and am now 23. I consider myself agnostic, and live a decent life and am a good person.

My parents consistently try to control my actions. They call constantly trying to find out where I am. They try to press Christianity upon me in a hurtful way. They are constantly trying to make me feel guilty for going out occasionally and having--oh my god-- A BOYFRIEND.


I have respectfully told them that if I ever do decide to become a Christian, it has to be when I want to.
When they found out I was going to stay in a hotel w/ my boyfriend for a few days, they damn near called me a whore.
I'm exhausted of it all, I know they are fanatical (my older sister is the same way), but I don't want to resort to pushing my parents/family away anymore.
How can a situation like this be reconciled or ultimately or am forced to change who I am in order to not lose my family forever? How did you handle it. What were the conseque

What were the consequences you have/had to deal with?

I am definitely an ex-Christian. When I say that I will become a Christian in my own time, I mean that if it's meant to be that way, it will. If it's not, then it won't. I'm not saying that it's going to happen eventually.

Answer 1

I think they are just very concerned-- because they love you. If they love you they would not cut you off from their family nor should you cut them off. Try sitting down and listening to their concerns let them explain themselves- and then you explain yourself. It is never good to burn bridges you may have to cross later. Every time they question you just remember "They say these things because they care, because they are worried"
Try to be political and polite. If they are being negative and hurtful tell them so - they may not realize it. But* do not always assume their comments are negative and hurtful. Do not magnify the comments and questions to make it hurt you and seem worse than they are.
And- understand where they are coming from. They raised you, they love you more than anyone else on earth. You have suddenly turned your back on the things they tried to instill in you your entire life. They are hurting too.

Answer 2

You are absolutely right! YOU have to decide when you want to be a Christian. I recomend you pursue it right away...but that is your choice :)

Your parents are just concerned about you. Try putting yourself in their shoes and ask yourself if you were them what would you want to hear from you? I wouldn't get upset with them, even if they are inncorrect...they will hopefully appologize overtime. I know where you are coming from...you feel like you should be an independent free thinker without your parents dictating every decision you make. This is hard for them to accept.

It sounds like your parents haven't cut the apron strings yet. Be patient with them and give them time. Politely explain where you are coming from without getting upset, and tell them you will reconsider their viewpoint if they can respond maturely and reasonably. If they cannot do this, just forget about it. If they really love you, then overtime they will be willing to talk to you with and open mind and accept your decision to become a Christian when YOU are ready. Time heals all wounds...but God removes all wounds. Hope that helps!

Answer 3

You may need to push them away before you can get closer again. You are an adult and you have the right to live your life. My parents don't believe in anything. They don't call themselves Atheists but they don't believe in God. I did not grow up with religion but I am a Christian. The first time I brought a bible home, my dad made me leave it outside. I was never allowed to bring it in his house. After time my parents began to respect my choices because I respected theirs. I think when one person shows disrespect it puts the other on the defense and I see that proven time and time again here on Yahoo! Answers. If you and your parents find a mutual respect for each other, you will be okay, but remember, it will take time.

Answer 4

Well I am 17 and have been an Atheist for about 3 years. My parents try to deny it, and try drag me to church quite often. They seem to believe that taking me to church makes me Christian and "saves" me. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, nor does just telling someone you are. It is truly what you believe that makes you what even you are: Agnostic, Atheist, Christian, and even Buddhist. If you don't want to loose your family, to be honest, you should just tell them you are now a Christian, but really not be. I guess that would be lying, but who knows maybe they'll grow up one day, and learn to accept that you aren't. Though I would probably accept the consequences of not being Christian, you obviously do not wish to lose your family.

Answer 5

I'm an ex-Catholic with a pretty religious all-Catholic family, but I've never had that kind of problem... mainly because they don't know. :o For now, I just try to avoid the subject of religion and I just act respectful and participate as little as possible when I'm dragged to church.

Even so, I'm sorry that your family's given you that type of problem. Eventually you may have a point in your life where you'll just have to tell your family that that's the way you are and they have to accept it. Sorry I can't help any more than that.

Answer 6

I was 12 when I converted form Christianity to Atheism. My mom is Ok with it even though she is Christain. I don't think my grandma knows yet. She is a BIG church going person. My dad is Agnostic so I got some support there. Also, you're Agnostic then you should see this video plz. www.godisimaginary.com
It's a lot harder at school though because in Socal Studies we talk about Christianity, jews, and muslims. WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT ATHEISM? There are more Atheists in this world than Jews(over 2% are Atheist and less than 0.5% are Jewish).

Answer 7

I just know how your parents feel. My son has not made a commitment although I know that he believes. He has a girlfriend and I am sure they don't just hold hands.

I pray for him and ask God to send someone that he looks up to to witness to him. I don't bug him too much about it because I know that he knows how I feel and gets convicted on his own.

Your parents are just concerned. But they really should let you make your own choices, whether it be good or bad, in their eyes since you are a grown woman.

Knowing and having God in your life is a personal choice and only you can make that choice. No one can force it on you.

Don't worry, you will not lose your family because they love you unconditionally. They will always be there for you.

Hope this helps.

Answer 8

It's been my experience that fanatical family members will expect you to change and will outcast you if you don't. So either you'll have to pretend when you're around them, or accept that they think their beliefs and deity are more important than you and push them away.

Consequences: I've missed out on any relationship whatsoever with one grandmother because I'm not Christian. I've lost a relationship with a cousin I was once close to because she chose her religion over me. And I have an aunt I just pretend to be Christian around because I think she'd have a nervous breakdown if she thought I wasn't a Christian.

Answer 9

I converted to Islam about a year ago and my family was shocked. I could feel the tension in the air when I started to wear my hijab. But now, it's like nothing at all. My mother was the most supportive. Just be yourself. If you believe is something strong enough never let anyone shake your faith. I hope you find answers to you questions regarding religion.

Answer 10

You need to handle them like you would any other. Just listen in one ear out the other... try and not tell them what you are doing.. If you feel it is not their business to know then why would you tell them you would stay at a hotel with some guy.. just try and respect them without hurting their feelings and maybe they will change