Am I Being Unreasonable?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for well over a year. We got together in high school, and he transferred to my college for the Spring semester. We are happy together, and hope to get an apartment for our Junior year of college. Because we'd like to be financially stable, we started a savings account together, to which we contribute equal amounts every week ($20). My parents know about the account, and because I am an adult, gave their opinion, but left it at that, and were generally supportive, and glad that we were being financially prepared. My boyfriend did not tell his parents, and somehow, they found out about our account. They freaked out, and told him we had to cancel the account or they would not pay for him to go to college anymore.

I'm extremely angry with them for butting into our privacy, telling us what to do with our money, and threatening to pull their support from my boyfriend. Am I out of line for being upset? And should I approach them about it?

We have no idea how they found out. We speak about it in private and on the phone, and there is no monthly statment mailed. So, they probably got onto his computer, or there was something from his work mailed to him about direct deposit, and they opened it. They have a nasty tendency to snoop, and basically refuse to allow their son to grow up.

Answer 1

I think it is reasonable that you are upset. I can understand that you are trying to be responsible and plan ahead. Which is great!

However, if his parents are financially supporting him through college, I understand their stance.

Personally, I would not approach them about this. Perhaps you can talk to your bf about doing the same savings plan, but separate accounts. You would be appeasing them and still planning for the future. I know it is not your first choice, but the financial benefits of a college education (without debt) and keeping a good relationship with your possible future in-laws will help you more.

The last thing you want to do is create a situation where you are coming between your bf and his parents. You would not want him to feel divided, like he has to choose.

I always say, "pick your battles." So be upset, be hurt, vent and curse about it to your friends, but compromise on this one.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

They just want what is best for their son, and know it is just harder for a "family man" to make it through school than a single guy. They might have found out accidently, by the way, not necessarily by snooping, esp if the guy was named after his father....
They're not telling YOU what to do with YOUR money--keep on saving like you're doing. Just do it in separate accounts. Don't risk looking a fool by confronting them on this. It's doubtful that any of that will sway them to your way of thinking.

If you and your bfriend must take a stand of independance, so be it. Your bfriend will find out what being on your own is all about, and so will you. But why not be smart and let the parents call the shots while their checkbook is still out and willing. There is plenty of time to be out on your own ahead of you.

And, by the way, if your bfriend is really mature, he will insist you get married before you "live together". That's the road toward really building a family, and legal contracts are always more binding than a wish and a promise.

Answer 3

Being angry at such a response from his parents is totally not out of line. Infact they should be impressed of how he is taking responsibility in wanting to be prepared with you. But since they are taking such a harsh approch... and they are paying for his college. Its kinda hard to make them convice how this is a good thing instead of a bad thing. Well i would suggest first talking to your boyfriend if it would help if you talked to them about it. Show them that your relationship is much more than just that of a bf & gf. Its much more.. also let them know its ok to live together but not have an account together? What is there point? What are they trying to prove by not paying for his college? Ask them this maybe they could come to reason. And ask them selves the same.

Good luck. ^_^

Answer 4

if your bf is a legal adult they can't by right say anything. don't approach them just have your bf tell them he cancled the account and have the paperwork sent to you or your parents house. how did they find out anyway?

Answer 5

No, you don't need to approach them about this, he does. If they refuse to pay for his college, so be it. There are other ways for him to get financial aide.

Answer 6

You're not out of line, it's absolutely none of their business. If they aren't willing to compromise then tell them is canceled and keep it open. You's are old enough to make your own decisions.