What should I do help me please?

Question

I am with this women and we have been dating for about 3 months now. She has a daughter and she wants me to take on the role of parenting. Honestly I am not that ready. It's hard because there are certain things she can't do because of her daughter and their is certain things I can't do because of the baby. I do realize though that I intruded in on her and her child. I don't think I want to be with her anymore. I mean I'm really having mixed feelings about this can someone please help me out. Thank You.

Answer 1

When your partner has children from a previous relationship, it is a package deal. If you are not willing to take on the responsibility, then it's time to move on.

Answer 2

Three months is much to short a time for her to expect you to take on the parental role. I think she is pushing you too hard which is causing you to have misgivings. You should just tell her that you are not ready to do this and if she can't understand it, then it is time for you to back out of the relationship. It wouldn't be fair to the child either to think that you were a permanent fixture.If she can give you some room you may still enjoy the relationship, but not if you feel cornered.good luck

Answer 3

Honestly, the only person who can answer this question is you. If you really have strong feelings for this woman, and you want to continue seeing her, but you don't want to be involved with the kid, maybe you should end it while it's still early. Feelings will be hurt, but maybe not as much as if you drag the relationship out too long. The thing is, when a person gets involved with another person who has a child, the child is a part of the relationship if you want him/her to be or not.

You shouldn't think of yourself as having "intruded" on this woman and her child, though. You met her, you liked her, she liked you, and you started dating. That's not intrusion. That's human nature.

As for assuming a parental role, well, that could mean a lot of things. If this woman expects you to take on financial responsibility for her child, or to help make decisions about education, discipline, etc., maybe she's expecting too much of you after only three months. But if she just wants to include her child in more activities with you, and wants you to bond with her child, then that's normal.

But, if you're feelings for this woman are not that emotionally strong, and you don't see yourself as having a real future with her, then again, maybe it's time to part ways as nicely as you can.

It's good on your part that you can recognize that you're not ready to be a parent or to act as one.

Answer 4

I understand this is a lesbian relation, the answer's the same, just curious. I think that if you are involved in a relationship that you do not feel comfortable with, you need to talk to your mate in a non accussing, non blaming way. If you don't feel comfortable in a parental role, simply say it's NOT the child, it's not your partner, it's you own problems that you need to go off and deal with. From what I gathered that pretty much summed it up anyways. By telling your partner this they understand that you are not, for whatever reason, maturity, financially ,WHATEVER, to deal with parenting at this time. Simply thank them for being there as they were and get out before the situation becomes a confrontation. Swift, clean and nonjudgemental, no finger pointing, done and out. GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

She is a packaged deal - you have to take them both or leave it be. Sounds like you are not ready for that parental role and that is fine... many of us aren't unless it just happens. You have a choice and that is more than most. Either she is the one with the child or you need to move on and find someone that you share common goals and interests with (with a little less children)

Answer 6

You should get out gently before you cause more hurt feelings. It's always harder when a child is involved, and if you're not ready to play a parenting role, assuming one would only make things worse in the long run.

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong with you feeling this way. In fact, you're very wise to recognize the fact that you're not ready for this kind of a relationship. You've only been seeing this woman for 3 months, so you have no obligation to assume such a responsibility. Stop feeling guilty and find the courage to move on. Life will go on for this person, as it will for you. Best wishes!

Answer 8

what do you need help with, you state that you don't want to be with her anymore, you need to leave. and just to let you know if you start being a parent to this child even though your not the biological parent, after a certain amount of time with that person depending on the state you become financially responsible for them. get out now!! before you end up paying child support.

Answer 9

Its not fair of her to expect you to parent someone else child after 3 months, unless you indicated that is something you want to do. It sounds like you aren't ready for a relationship with someone with a child. That's ok, now you know. I would simply explain what you have said here, wish her well and move on. Good luck.

Answer 10

When you start dating someone who has a child you are involved in both their lives. If you are not ready for parenting responsibilities then get out now before you start to care for each other any more than you already do.

Answer 11

If you are not in this relationship for the long haul - END IT NOW before the child gets hurt. When you are in a relationship with someone and they have children, you are also in a relationship with their kids! It is important to remember this!
The relationship is only 3 months old and if you are having mixed feelings already, you shouldn't be there!