Why do people say this?

Question

I'm really suffering with depression. Tonight I have felt suicidal and text a friend. Why do people think it is a good thing to tell me that there are worse off people than me who survive?

Now I'm sorry but that makes me feel ten times worse. Guilty and angry and completly invalidated in my own feelings. I guess I just wanted to ask, what is the worst and best things people have said to you when you have looked to them for support in your depression?

I'm already on anti-depressants by the way, it's probably time to change them (again)

Answer 1

try to feel happy

Answer 2

I think people do tend to generalize to relative comparisons.
For example, if you had constant migrains, some person might say, with all good intentions, thank God you don't have a brain tumor.

This is just a poor attempt to make you feel better by telling you how much worse it could be. It doesn't come from a lack of love, but a lack of knowing how to respond to a friend who is suffering.

When I express an important feeling, like complete and utter depression, and somebody tries to make me feel better with some "distraction" like that, it does make my feelings seem ignored. I do want my feelings validated. I do want my feelings to be acknowledged. I am not looking for my friend to cure me, or fix me, or do anything more than listen and say, I understand you feel completely and utterly depressed. What can I do to help, or, what do you think might help? or, have you considered talking to a qualified therapist? almost anything would be better than telling me how much worse my situation could be.

I can't ennumerate what the worst and best things people have said to me have been over the years. But I can empathize with the frustration of hearing a "relative response" that just drives me deeper into my own dilemma, which I reached out about, to begin with, to get outside of that dilemma.

Good luck. Clearly you are suffering from depression. I would, however, suggest that texting is maybe not the best way to tell a friend. Face to face, or at least the phone, but certainly not email or text mail, tend to produce more results. Text and email just don't give anybody the nonverbal cues they require to make intelligent decisions or comments.

I hope you are feeling better today. I am sorry you are depressed, let alone suicidal. I've been there. Hang on. And please do seek professional help.

Answer 3

Because, honey, people just don't know what to say to you. Your friends love you and they worry, but they probably have no idea how to deal with a situation like that.

You shouldn't have to "suffer" with depression - darling, its treatable. Next time you feel suicidal, call 911, call a hotline, do something that puts you in touch with someone who's trained to say the right things.

Better yet, don't wait until then. Talk to someone -now- about your depression. Not a friend - someone who can really help you. Depression can be helped and all this will seem like a bad dream.

Worst things....I had an ex boyfriend tell me "just to do it, because people are tired of hearing me complain". I have no idea where he was going with that....he claimed tough love. And another told me "Only cowards kill themselves". Again...tough love?

The best friends have told me, quite simply, that they loved me. Then they asked me to talk about what I was feeling.

Answer 4

Depression is a very personal thing...and sometimes, when someone tells you this, it is to let you know that many people do have life much worse than you do or that they do...and to be honest, it is true...but not to make you feel worse, because clinincal depression is just that, clinical, and a mineral inmbalance...When I have been depressed, the only thing that ever got me through is calling on Our loving Father in Heaven, for guidance, and patience, to get through it...I look around at people who indeed are in worse shape than me..and pray for those who are worse off, and give thanks for the good things that I do have and have given...I am sorry you feel so low, and don't know what it is making you feel so inferior to everyone else...parents maybe?...Pray to our Father, through Jesus, and ask for Their help,..and God Bless, something good is waiting for you with Their help, just around the corner...just have faith..

Answer 5

if you feel this won't go away go see a doctor or a good therapist. you may have clinical depression which is something you can't help. and unfortunantly medicine might be the answer. i had clinical depression but medicine only made me violent. i used to think suicidal and even attempted it, but it's not worth it. now my depression is very minimum, but when stuff brings me down or stressed, i always tell my self "it can always be worse" and it can, and people do have it worse. when that point comes, i talk to someone, family, friends, blogs....if you're afraid you can always call your local hotlines that deal with this type of stuff...or you can always talk to me =)

Answer 6

u dont have very gud friends!!! u needed to talk and u didnt get any reasurance.
if you feel suicidal u should go to ur doctor first thing in the morning it could be just a inbalance in the brain and a wee anti depressent could make all the diff .if u feel u cant stand it any more phone emergency service dont harm ur self there is help out there .
a depressent for years.!!

Answer 7

The worst thing might have been when somebody said something like. Don't worry you will get over it. Thats so insensitive. Another good one is I know how you feel. How about being a little more sensitive. A good thing was I am here to help you you are my girl, so let me know what you need me to do.

Answer 8

"When are you going to stop being depressed?"
"You shouldn't feel that way - you have a lot going for you."
"This, too, shall pass."
" You're being silly."
"How much medication are you taking??"

Oh yeah - and your friend is a jerk for invalidating you like that! Your "friend" said that because they don't take you seriously or don't want to deal with you.

By the way, please call someone objective to talk to if you are really feeling suicidal. Heck - email me! Although you've been put off, don't isolate yourself. I do it too much when I'm down.
Don't go through this alone!

Answer 9

I understand how you are feeling. When somebody brings up other people when you are trying to confide in them it does seem as though they are not listening or validating your feelings. The worst things people say to me when I am trying to confide in them are usually "You're fine" or "Nobody feels that way, it's stupid" It makes me feel as though I am not important enough for them to take the time to listen. But, there are people willing to listen if you look in the right places and people who are willing to help you no matter what.

Answer 10

omg i completely agree! people just dont understand, that when you are looking for comfort, it isn't comforting to be like, well suck it up, some people have it way worse than you.

i guess people dont understand is that depression is an unability to cope with what DID happen in YOUR life. no one elses lives matter. its personal.

i guess people say it because they think depressed people are weak, should open their eyes, or whatever. i hate the comment though. seriously, for anyone who reads this, when someone comes up to you and is obviously upset, you dont say, well there are people with way worse lives. thats like saying a guy who just broke up with the love of his life, well, she wasnt worth it anyways.


raah i know exactly how you feel!!

Answer 11

when I'm feeling bad and depressed some people have made me feel like it was my fault I was felling this way or that I was just faking it. Now I'm on meds for anxiety but it also helped with my depression.