Any help is appreciated....?

Question

5 years, 2 lovely kid's, an upcoming marriage July 21st,2007,
haven't had s-e-x in a month and I feel really alone and hurt, I know that I am not doing anything wrong....I have tried everything imaginable to be "desireable" in his beautiful brown eyes but he just doesn't catch on to it. I love him tremendously and I feel the urge to move on and leave for good because things are steadily falling apart....I have even jumped tothe assumption that he is gay....(that is not intended to be a joke it is what I believed) I can't promise him forever if he stays the way that he is:

1) Always complaining about SOMETHING
2)Never makes the time for me anymore (always finds things to pre-occupy him)
3)makes sexual comments to the guys on his softball team that I wish he would make to me ;(
4)we never are intimate

I know he isn't cheating because he is with me all the time and I just don't see how that would be possible but hey stranger things have happened right? please help me

Answer 1

Just ask him.

Maybe there is something in his life that is really stressing him? Maybe he is ill and does not want to tell you? Maybe he has 'performance anxiety', can you remember a tim recently when he failed to get an erection? That may have scared him into trying again in case it reoccurs?

Its not much of a relationship if you two cant talk about it.

Answer 2

Wow! what a position to be in. The good news is that it happens more frequently than not. In fact, studies would show that most marriages are made up of what ur currently dealing with, hence the highest divorce rate in recorded history. In my humble opinion, it seems that a spiritual bond is missing. According to what u said, u guys have already tackled the physical aspects of a relationship and tackled them well at one point, but now u are learning that much more is needed in order for a relationship to survive than that. When a spiritual bond is formed, it helps to alleviate some of the details of a relationship that would occur without the spiritual connection. Because we are human and are naturally spiritual beings, that aspect of who we are must be fed far more than the physical. It's were the truth of who we really are exist and if that's never captured then u only have a fraction of the person ur with. Some people try God and surrender to Him giving him all their burdens and ask Him for help. This has been my experience and it has worked for me. Try to tap into the spiritual side of u guys are and see what it brings u. It's possible that u guys were never really made for each other, and then it could be the change u've been looking for. Either way, you will know enough theough the spiritual examination to make an informed decision about the rest of your life with a person. God speed to u.

Answer 3

Oh please...5 years and 2 kids? You know exactly what and who he is. What you have done is to enter into a marriage WITHOUT any legal protections. You are now at the time that most marriages start to have trouble and you and him have absolutely NO reason to work through the problems and NO legal protection. Playing house is NEVER a good idea --- especially when children are involved. I will NEVER understand how people can make the HUGE commitment of having and raising children and yet refuse to provide those children with the legal protection that marriage provides. This is one of those situations where you have made a bed that you are going to have to lay in. I wish you luck for the sake of your children, but it's simply the time in the marriage when the man starts to get bored. He's bored with you. The question is, will he stick it out? It's doubtful.

Answer 4

So have you found out if he's really gay or not ?? That sounds somewhat bizarre that he'd be more then willing to make sexual jokes to the guys on his team but not with you. Always complaining about something is a typical male trait. Never makes time for you anymore....Have you asked him about it? Don't subtly hint at the question ask him directly. You two are together, you two should have nothing to fear in asking the other one a question regardless of whether it might hurt or not. If you don't have communication, you might as well end it and move onto someone who will understand and listen to you.

Answer 5

well firstly you say he doesnt have time for you, yet he cant be cheating because he is always with you, thats a contradiction in its self. You have been together 5 years, do you have communication issues??
You need to look at your lifestyle, you everyday life, patterns in the relationship.
Has the last month been hectic, work, wedding planning, etc
Are you both too tired, do you need to feel loved by having sex, does he need to prove to you that he loves you by having sex.
I think a therapist would be a great idea for you alone or both if he will agree to go, sometimes we assume that our other half knows exactly how we feel but in reality the dont have a clue, you need to talk to each other and soon.
Maybe the wedding is bringing up issues within you that you havent dealt with during the 5 years.
hope it works out for you both xx

Answer 6

Men are HORRIBLE at taking hints or reading between lines. They only understand strait-out questions and answers. At a time when you are alone, ( but NOT when you are tryin to get busy with him) ask him why he seems to have lost interest. Tell him you are feeling unattractive and rejected, (but be sure to leave out the gay suspicions part) and would like to know if there's anything you can do to help spice things up again. Men are not usually dodgy or evasive, so if he is not wanting to answer, then you can be sure something is wrong. It could be something as simple as an embarrassing medical problem, though.

Answer 7

When I first started reading, I thought perhaps he was nervous about the upcoming marriage and anxious about the changes it would bring and that was what was affecting your sexual life. But it seems to me that you are convinced that he is gay because of the evidence you have cited. You should communicate your thoughts and express your feelings clearly. I know that it may be difficult because of the five years that you spent together but if you find that you are no longer compatible you should not remain in a relationsip. No one deserves to live a life of speculations or be left feeling lonely by their partner

Answer 8

You know, I am a lesbian, and I have the same problem with my partner. She has a low drive, and mine is extremely high, which obviously isn't the best compatibility; but at first everything was fine, and we were intimate literally every weekend (at that point I was still living in Louisiana; I moved up to Texas to be with her). Now that we live together, it's gotten to the point where it's causing a problem; I have needs, and she's not fulfilling them.

One thing I've done (we're working on the problem) is mix it up a bit. Visit a "toy shop", find out if he has any secret fetishes. Other than that, alot of dr's say that going out more often and remaining active can help.

Answer 9

And you want to marry him because.....? I think you may need to hold off on the wedding and get some serious answers to you questions. Are the kids his? Have you talked to him about your feelings? The time now is usually better then the time latter in the marriage. Later is when you true love kicks in. You will need to be able to communicate well before then. I hope you stop and think about what you are about to do with your life. It is not only you that you have to think about, but also your kids. You dont want them to have to deal with the problems that you and your bf are going to deal with after you are married. It is not fair to them. Please think twice before you do anything, then think again. Make sure. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

*smile* Well you are starting on a bad foot if your getting married. Here's what I would do. Tell him!!! Write it in a letter, let him read the question you asked.

He will either respond immediately or he will not. If he blows it off and acts like he's not doing that then maybe you need to say to him. "How can I commit my life to you when you are not committed to me?"

He may be a little nervous about the wedding and he may be trying to forget that he is getting married. Thus why he is ignoring you. You should ask him if he's nervous.

Hope that helps