Should I let my son go live with his father?

Question

I have had my son from birth 11 years ago, My son father is really good and I do trust him with his father but not to live.

I know that he will do a good job with him no doubt but the thought of him leaving I can't bear I do have 3 more kids out side of him, but he is my 2nd oldest. His father thinks that he is old enough to be brought up by a man in some way I believe him and I know he is right but I can bring myself to say yes.

I mean he don't have a job he do things on the side (if you know what I mean) but I don't want my son brought up around that it would be different if he had a job but he don't and he alway told us he would come over and get him on weekends but he don't and all I did was make up things for him but now he's mad and he told me to never talk to him he would just cont. to send money threw child support and not give me extra money but it all good because I work 2 jobs anyways. so what do you think?

Answer 1

definately not -- let him grow up with his siblings. If he lives with his father -- what will he learn? he will learn that its okay not to have a job - and just do jobs on the side for the rest of your life.
Keep him with you -- show him love - support- and show him what its like to work hard -- he will be better off in the long run. Set a great example for your son (already sounds like you are -- letting him go- will not be setting a good example either).
Best of luck.
He has the weekends to 'teach him to be a man' A REAL MAN would get a REAL JOB --

Answer 2

If the "things on the side" are illegal, defintely do not allow your son to move in with his father. And, how does your son feel about the situation?

Do you think the father will provide healthy meals for the child, make sure he always has clean clothes, gets to school each day, gets homework done at night, provide the boy with enriching activities (not necessarily expensive ones), stay up nights when the child is sick, take the child to the doctor, make sure the child gets a bath every day, has chores and earns rewards? If there is any doubt to the answer to any of those questions, then the answer is no. The guy isn't even responsible enough to pick up the kid on weekends. How is he going to pick him up at school 5 days a week?

Answer 3

As a child from two divorces and have lost contact with my real father about 15 years ago. You do not want your child to not know his father it will take a toll on him. Tell your ex that if he wants custody that you should get him to go in front of a judge and do it the proper way. This way the father can not feel like he is going to take advantage of you. You can help show that he doesn't have a legit job and might force him to change his mind that way. You can make him "Man-up" to being a good father at these hearings and make sure that he will follow through with them because you will have the aid of the court to help you. I at times still wish my father was around. Just remember that fathers are parents too and they have rights to there children but you can make sure that he does a good job. Good Luck!!

Answer 4

This is something for the courts to decide. You'll need to talk to a lawyer.

OK. You say he'll "do a good job" raising his son - but I don't share that thought. Here's why:

You say father doesn't have a job - but does side-jobs (meaning undocumented - no taxes). Sounds like a reliable man? Not to me.

He also breaks promises about coming to visit his son. Sounds like responsible man? Not to me.

He makes rude, almost threatening remarks to you - Sounds like a respectful man? Nope - not to me.

No. An eleven year old child is still very much a young boy. He's NOT old enough to go and live with an unreliable, irresponsible, disrespectful man. No one is.

But this is up to the courts. Hire a lawyer.

Answer 5

I have been through this myself so I know how you feel. Talk to your son, explain that you want what is best for him so the answer at present is no, he is still too young. Let him know that it is not no forever. But when he becomes 13, let him go. He really does need his father and as hard as it is for you, I am sure you want what is best for your son. In the interim 2 years talk to his dad, explain your concerns about his lack of work and his attitude towards you. Tell him that you trust him and respect him. Everyone is more receptive to compiments. Explain your parenting approach and ASK for his assistance in maintaining the same kind of discipline and structure. Finally, tell yourself over and over again that you are doing what is best for your son. It won't be easy but you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you cared enough to make a sacrifice and you will demonstate your unconditional love to both him and his father.
Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 6

This is for the well being of your child. Do what's best for him. If his father wants to get to know him, let him. I just don't think that allowing your child to be around the environment would be a good thing. He could always get the male bonding/nurturing from Uncles, coaches, grand fathers, etc.
It takes a man to raise a child and he really can't blame you for his short comings. It's his fault he never followed through on what he said he would do.
Good luck to you and your child.

Answer 7

I do not think you should allow your son to live with anyone who does not have a job. Your son deserves to live in a financially stable home environment and if that is not something that his father can offer then I say No. What type of man would he be teaching your son to become if he can not keep a stable job and support his family. You are his mother and your son is YOUR responsibility.

Answer 8

Your son has known a certain way of living for 11 years. Unless for some reason you are unable to care for him, there is no reason for the situation to change just so he can be "raised by a man" for a few years...the fact your ex is basically unemployed and inconsistent in his visitation just shows how little care your son will get when he is with him.

If your son is saying he wants to live with your ex, it is only because he knows there will be no rules and can get away with whatever he wants...it would be irresponsible of you as a parent to let him go.

Answer 9

If he can't support himself with a honest job why would you want to put your child in that situation. If he fights you on it still maybe try a family counselor, they will be able to see through the crap. Also if the S.H.T.F. and he is caught your boy will be pulled into family services and I would have to assume you would get in trouble for allowing your son to live in that situation

Answer 10

I don't like the feeling of a young boy being raised by a prick, But i don't know your ex but if you think that hes a good man and you trust him that he would take care of him and they would be comfortable around each other then go for it.