in the past I have always had my girls get their real dad something for the occasion. This past year he has become verbally abusive, neglectful and has developed an alcohol and drug problem that he hides very poorly from us all. he has supervised visitation that he can take advantage of at ANY time at all, he just needs to let me know he would be stopping by and not show up unannounced, he takes advantage of this maybe twice a month for about an hour. The girls have a wonderful step dad who is definitely getting some fathers day gifts. On one hand I feel as though they should get something for their real dad, but on the other hand I do not want to reinforce the idea that just because some schmuck has the title of "father" that he deserves respect. Their dad falls into that category. I don't discuss this with the girls and if they express interest in getting their dad something I will get him something, but I don't want to bring it up, i want them to bring it up to me. Opinions?
2007-05-23 04:34:32 · 5 answers · asked by ? 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
my girls are 9 and 4
2007-05-23 04:43:27 · update #1
15 years ago, my sister's first husband left her when their girls were 5 and 3.
While he was never verbally abusive, he was neglectful and often drunk. (As the years passed, he became less neglectful, tho still more or less drunk.)
My dad and my husband became bigtime father figures for several years, then nine years ago, my sister remarried and her second husband has been a fabulous dad.
Here's what this has taught me - you cannot control and shouldn't influence how your daughters think/feel about their dad. (Although they will learn from you your values on how to treat others, etc.) They have thoughts/feelings aplenty on their own. You want to support them, help them share their feelings, and allow them to not worry that they must adjust what they share about their feelings depending on the listener.
In this particular case, when making or shopping for their wonderful stepdad's presents, say, "What do you want to do for 'whatever you call dad' for Father's Day?" Over the years, this will change and your older child will be less forgiving of him sooner - especially if he straightens up, which let's hope he will - than your younger.
2007-05-23 04:57:45 · answer #1 · answered by cassandra 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would just ask them if they want to go shopping for Father's Day gifts or make something. You said that they will be doing something for the step-dad, so you can kind of set the whole thing up as shopping for him, then let them lead the way. If they mention that they want to get/make something for the biological father, then let them. Otherwise, I wouldn't force the issue.
2007-05-23 12:04:55 · answer #2 · answered by zeus112999 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are your daughters?
Because of their ages, I would suggest that you not worry about it and just see what happens. If they bring it up and want to give him a gift, don't discourage them, but you shouldn't encourage it either. I agree that not every sperm donor should be allowed to call himself a dad! I also think you are a lucky girl to have found a man who treats your kids like his own! I hate dead beats!
2007-05-23 11:43:02 · answer #3 · answered by j 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well I am sure they will remember there Dad.Maybe have them make some homemade cards so they can put there own feelings on the card .I am Glad you have found a Great Dad and Husband.
2007-05-23 12:00:25 · answer #4 · answered by Dew 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I say let them decide for themselves. If they express concern then great if not then great too. Its not your responsibility to remind them of father's day. If they don't think about it then neither should you.
2007-05-23 11:42:33 · answer #5 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋