How to tell me 10 & 12 yo's I'm pregnant?

Question

I have 2 children from a previous marriage, they are 10 & 12. I am remarried & will be 12 weeks preg. on Friday. We've decided to tell the kids this weekend because they are w/us all weekend & if they have questions, etc. they'll be here (as opposed to their dad's house) for us to answer questions. Any suggestions on how to tell them? My husband bought me a pregnant Vermont Teddy Bear for Mother's Day...should we let them guess?

When should I tell their dad? Or should I just let them spill the beans?

Regarding the person asking why I don't have full custody: I don't have full custody of my children because their father is a good father and we SHARE custody. I have 70% physical, he has 30% physical and we split legal custody 50/50. Don't you think it's good that their father is involved in their life?

Answer 1

I don't know how they will react, it all depends on how they reacted to your being remarried and your new husband. Most kids have issues with that. Divorce is very difficult on kids to begin with, and even if they act like it's all o.k., deep down, they are struggling and almost always have hidden dreams of getting their parents back together. Your being pregnant will only solidify to them that will never happen.

All that said, I would make it a very special day. Have a special dinner, whatever is their favorite. Tell them you have something very cool to celebrate. Tell them it's so very important because THEY are important and will be an important part of this event. Tell them you know this baby will be so lucky and special because they will have them for siblings, there could be no better brother/sisters. Be sure to tell them that you love them dearly, and there is no way they will EVER be less important or less loved by you. Tell them that all of you will still be ONE family.

Help them to see what they have to look forward to. Helping you guys pick out a name. Helping you get the nursery ready. Picking out baby clothes, toys, etc. You will need their help. And most of all, how that baby is going to love them so very much, and they the baby.

I know this all sounds stupid, but it isn't. Kids feel like the new family will be more important. That they will no longer be as important, or that the stepparent won't care about them any more. It's all normal, but it is extremely important to communicate with them about all of it.

I would NOT tell their father first, and I would allow them to tell their father themselves. It will give them an opportunity to discuss it with him. If your relationship is good with him, I'm sure he will let you know if they have any concerns.

I wish you all the very best, with your family, with your new baby. God bless you all.

Answer 2

If you and your ex husband are on good terms you might want to give him a heads up a few days in advance. Like if you get the kids on Friday and keep them till sunday call their father and let him know that you are gonna be speaking with the kids in regards to your pregnancy after you get them. THis will allow him time to prepare for any questions that he might be confronted with when they return home. Being there is a 10 yr old you might run into some feelings of neglect from the child. Either way keep assuring them that they will be having a new brother or sister. Keep away from half sibling words. These tend to cause older children to think less of their soon to be sibling. Reassure them of any ideas that you will be less available. You might even want to get them involved. This might make your ex hubby jealous but he will need to learn patience if he hasn't already. Just remember you're their mom and they might feel put-off at times when your feeling a little under the weather so to speak. Just be honest and upfront and don't be suprised if they seem a little discontent. Make the announcement at a point when there isn't a great chance of tension, like at the diner time, before bed. Maybe do something special for the occasion if all things go well. This will further back you up on the fact that you love them all equally. Just remember the kids may get jealous or offended. Give it time and patience and make sure you follow through with loving them all. They will understand. Good luck!

Answer 3

First off Congratulations to you and your new Husband.

Second, letting them spill the beans I think would not be right. You seem to have a terrific ongoing relationship/friendship with your children's dad and if that is true then he deserves to know from you that you are pregnant.

I just think he will want to share in your joy, especially if your relationship is as good as you indicate. It is obvious that you have a lot of respect for your ex-husband from the words you used. So why be disrespectful by not letting him hear the words from you.

Answer 4

You should tell their dad during the week just let it out plain and strong. (Tell him YOU and your husband want to tell them yourselves. He should respect that.) Don't make them have to guess-they might not get it as fast as you think they can-You just never know. I would sit them down all four of you- and tell them whats going on. That's what happened when my parents got a divorce. My mom told me and my brother and sister about our brother being born by putting his picture up on the fridge- and me being the nosey six year old i was asked what it was and she explained it to me. You could be watching a baby story- like my mom did when she was pregnant with Katie (my younger sister). My brother Kyle was too young to understand. There's many ways and I just gave you two ideas. Good Luck! and Congratulations!

Answer 5

I am curious why you don't even have full custody of your children. They may feel very offended and rejected as well as jealous so I expect you should sit down and have an open discussion with them about it.

You also need to be the one to tell your ex. I told my ex and it was difficult (I think he cried) for him. Your children should not be the ones to break that news.

Answer 6

You should tell their father before you tell them, so he is prepared for their reaction when they go to his house. You need to just tell them, they are "big kids", and should be able to take the new as so. Don't just let them "guess". That may upset them more that you didn't take the time out to actually tell them...

Answer 7

Hmm I would tell their Dad before them, I don't know how the relationship is between the two of you but he might get upset knowing you told them before you told him, so when they get back to his place and they may have questions for him also, he's not caught off guard, or tell him before they go back to his place. I would make telling them something fun for them, they are 10 and 12 so like put out the bear and make them guess or make a game out of it or something like play pictionary lol it would probably be alot easier to tell them if they are enjoying themselves doing something than to sit them down and just tell them.. Goodluck!! and Congrats!!

Answer 8

First, it is none of their dad's business even if you are still close to him. They are old enough to just tell them. I would just say, " I have something to tell you, mommy is going to have a baby and you are going to have a little brother or sister. Is there anything you want to ask me? Any questions? They will be fine. Kids take it better then adults do.

Answer 9

Give them shirts that say I'm a big brother/sister. Or I'm the oldest child, I'm the middle child. You can make the shirts with acrylic craft paint and letters stamps from the Walmart craft department.

Answer 10

I would let them spill the beans to your ex. I would just sit them down and tell them, chances are they will be so excited!