I'm 8 months and want to give my child up but still want to be in their life...How do I do that??

Question

I'm 18 years old.I'm still in school in Groton CT. I want what's best for my child but I don't have enough anything to take care of it.I want them to go to a good home and everything but I would like to stay in my babys life and maybe get them back one day when I can handle taking care of them. I don't know what I should do.......

Answer 1

It is time to you to find some help. Today. You can get your life on track so that you won't have to lose your child to adoption. There are programs that help support you and the baby. There are amazing distance learning opportunities out there with colleges now. There are also school sanctioned daycares on most campuses that are income based fees. Also, once the baby is born, the child becomes your dependent and you go from dependent student, to independent student in the eyes of financial aid.

Trust me, you do not want to lose your child to adoption just because things are crazy and unorganized right now. Adoption hard sells that if you place your baby for adoption you can pick up your life and continue on like it never happened. Don't drink the adoption koolaid. You don't pick up your life right away after placing a child from adoption.

If you don't know where to turn, come to the soul of adoption web boards and post there. There is a grandma that came close to losing her grandchild to adoption. I'm sure you will catch her attention. ;o)

Answer 2

Yes I would definitely suggest you give the baby up to a relative with the condition that you are able to get her back once you have your life on track, and perhaps get full visitation rights to make the transition for both of you easy. However, you need to understand that there is a chance that whoever you give the baby to might become bonded to the child and getting the child back from that person might be a problem, that is why I suggest a family member, perhaps your mother.

Let me also tell you this, if you do decide to give the baby up for adoption to a family you find through an agency, be prepared to be buttered up every way possible with promises for visitation, etc but the harsh reality is that unless you get it as a part of the adoption contract it will probably won't happen. I truly hope that you are able to resolve this issue, especially since the birth is right around the corner. You know, there is also state funded help (no matter what state you are in) to help single parents and they might be able to help you pay for daycare while you continue school and go to work...I would suggest going to your local WIC office, city hall or family planning center to ask more about it. That might be an option you would want to choose, especially after you give birth and fall in love with your child.

I honestly wish I had these options when I was younger.

Answer 3

Do you have the support of you family or friends. It seems like you really want your child but would like a better situation. I know you're young and it could be hard but you should almost be done with highschool. Many colleges offer family housing, and financial aid is more when you have a child.

I'm 19 and pregnant I'm out of highschool but will be attending my second year of college, as well as working part time and I can't imagine giving up my baby. But I have the support of my parents as well as my childs father you may not have those circumstances.Do you know that the goverment has programs that can help you with housing, food stamps and medical care?

I understand where you are coming from more than some people. You may not have the best situation, I would love to be married with my own home and great career but sometimes things don't work out that way, and everything happens for a reason. It definitly won't be easy but it's not impossible and god has blessed you with this gift for a reason.Think about your decision, giving up your child for the rest of their life is something you'll never forget and possibly regret.

Answer 4

Honey, think very carefully about your future. I've never done it, but I'm sure having a baby and then giving it away is something that stays with you forever. Firstly, if u really feel that you cant cope right now, why not consider foster care. That way you can make an arrangement that still allows for contact with your child, you are still the mother, and one day when you get on your feet you can have your child back. Talk to a parent, family member, psychiatrist, or counsellor about what you are going through, they will be able to inform you about everything, and help you make an informed decision. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 5

The first part of your question sounds like you would be a great candidate for open adoption. An open adoption is where the bio-parents and adoptive parents stay in contact - either thru visits, or pictures, or letters, etc. It can be done directly or through the agency. It is dependent on the agreement that you make with the adoptive family beforehand. We have a semi-open adoption with our son's biological grandparents. I say "semi-open" because we do not have an open relationship with his bio-parents, but we do have his bio-grandparents in his life. They visit, they're called grandparents, and we talk on the phone. We actually adopted our son from them directly (as they had custody of our son).

However, something you said in the second part of your question concerns me...."you would like to get the baby back some day". Adoption is final. If you make an adoption plan for your child, and the child is "adopted", you must relinquish ALL parental rights to that child. If you have any desire to some day parent your child again, you would need to proceed as a previous answer suggests - by giving custody to a family member.

Either way, I would highly suggest that you contact a local adoption agency to discuss your options. They would best be able to discuss everything with you and help you sort out the best plan for you and your child. Birth parents typically do not have any costs associated with meeting with an adoption agency, so you have nothing to lose.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

you can choose an Open Adoption and screen potential parents - you can have certain privileges written into the legal documents that you have to sign for the adoption

It can be as simple as receiving school pics and a yearly update to actually meeting the child and having visits. You have to find the right family. Adoptions are final - there's no 'getting the child back someday' in terms of taking over the day to day parenting. But you could build a close relationship with the child.

Talk to a reputable adoption attorney in your area. Fees for your legal counsel could be paid for by the adopting family, but you need to make sure you have your own attorney advising you.

Answer 7

I think open adoption is the way to go for you. It will allow the baby and you to have the best of both worlds. You make sure your baby has the best possilbe care and parents you can find and the baby will have a 2 parent household and know you as well (it will delete the whole where did I come from thing).

If that is not an option, then I suggest you have a family member (your mother or a close relative adopt the baby and let you raise them) My cousin was pregant when she was 16 and her parents adopted her son and let her raise him with their guidance. He is a very handsome and educated 20 year old man now all the better for the decisions his mother and grandparents made for him.

I commend you for making such a selfless decision.

Answer 8

I dont mean to sound rude but you cant give your child to someone and then one day decide to take them back. I mean you CAN but as someone who has had a child taken back by birth parents I urge you to think over your choice.

Either adopt them out or don't. Do an open adoption so you can get pictures and possibly see them, but to take a child back like that does serious mental strain on the people who were carrying for that baby as thier own not to mention what it can do to a child.

We had our niece and it was torture to give her back up. My suggestion to you would be to find a family memember and not to use the word adoption ever, tell them you want to take the child at some point and help raise them in the mean time. Just be honest and up front, if you are taking an active roll their whole life and they know its not permanent and you take a slow approach to getting them back it could go a little smoother.

Answer 9

In most cases that I have heard of, you have up to a yr to change your mind. But you need to take into consideration that your child by now has bonded to its new mommy & you are a stranger. You may be the biological mother but this woman is now the mommy & anything or anyone trying to come between this is wrong. It causes confusion on the baby as well as emotional problems. you may be in its life as a aunt, step mom or friend but give it a fair chance for happiness to. Wait until the child is old enough to understand why you chose to give it up rather then keeping it. At that time they wont resent you, but will understand & respect the fact you wanted a better life for them. And done it out of Love for them not just because you didn't want them. I was one of those kids, except in my case it was who could steal u & keep u the longest. I had a twin & 2 bro & we felt like the most unwanted kids that walked the face of the earth. Because no one wanted us they just didn't want the other one to have us. I have always had self esteem issues because of it. So please concider your choice make a firm decision but concider your baby when you do, & you will do the right thing.

Answer 10

If you want to get the baby back at some point, you cannot do an adoption. Adoption requires you to terminate your parental rights. You are thinking of an open adoption, in which you can have contact with your child and be part of his or her life but are not a legal guardian. It's better than nothing, but if you have you heart set on parenting this child at ANY point in time, you should parent from the very beginning.