Was it my fault?

Question

My step son was incarcerated while living with gramma. Hes was in there for quite some time and upon his release, he was ordered to live with his dad and I and wasnt allowed to go back with gramma. They released him with an ankle monitor. Well since hes been here, he has snuck different girls in my home in the middle of the night, has sex with them in the same room with my 10 y/o in there(they shared a room), has gotten in several problems in school, and continued hi little gang crap even though those were conditions of his probation. His P.O was giving him TOO much slack. Anyway yesterday, he got into some trouble in school for being involoved in some sort of gang activity. When the administrator called to let us know, I referred him to my step sons PO b/c I am so fed up with his problems.When my step son heard this, he ran a way from school and cut off his monitor and now we cant find him. Was I wrong?

My husband became furious when he found out I did this and I can only imagine what his family is going to do or say. I just could not take the problems any longer especially with 5 kids of my own here.

This is a 16 y/o who DOES NOT care what anyone has to say. He wants to do what he wants and when he wants. That isnt my fault, I didnt raise him!!!

Answer 1

better off in jail than dead

if this guy was having sex in the same room as your 10 year old then it was time for him to live somewhere else - if your husband didn't want you to take care of it then he should have

Answer 2

No you were not wrong in any way. Where was the Dad in all this? It doesn't look like he stepped in too much. You have got to remember that you have other children in the house and you have to be able to protect them as well especially if this kid is affiliated with a gang. That's all you need is to have violence take place near your home because of his stupidity.
While I don't think that any kid is unsaveable, I do believe that some do need help outside of what parents can give them. Obviously, after some prison time and probation, he still hasn't learned and if he won't listen to the law, why would he listen to you? Also forget about what the family will say. It looks like they really helped this kid out growing up. If you ever asked them for help, just turn to them and ask "Where were you when you saw his behavior?" or "Why didn't you help me then?" Most of the time they just think they are the greatest looking hind sight but if the kid was still there causing problems, they wouldn't lift a finger to help.

Answer 3

The problem with this kid is that no one is stepping up and he's slipping through the cracks. You telling the school to inform his P.O. about his misbehaviors was the absolute right thing to do. The P.O. is supposed to this information anyway!

Your husband needs to stop being angry at you and realize that he needs to buck up and take care of his son. If this kid is in a gang he should not be around them anymore....like in the same school or even town! There is programs for kids like him (involved in gangs) in which he can go there to live and deal with his issues.

Answer 4

You were not necessarily wrong to refer the administrator to the P.O., BUT you should've definitely discussed it with your husband first. This was a major decision and unless it needed to be made 'on the spot', there was no reason to leave the boy's father out of the loop!
Also, why not talk to the boy yourself? It's like you were not 'grown up' enough yourself to talk to him person to person. You put your problems on someone else without trying to resolve them yourself.
And how can he be involved in gang stuff again already? Aren't you keeping an eye on him? Aren't you setting any house rules? Aren't you and your husband spending any time with him?

p.s. I think it's funny that your question is "Was it my fault?" and then in comments later on you say, "It wasn't my fault!"....are you looking for honest opinions or a pat on the back?

Answer 5

I think what you did was appropriate. I would have talked with his father first before doing so b/c he is the father but it's obvious that he wasn't disciplining his son enough. You can't allow one child to behave destructively and the others are expected to listen. Hope you find him and figure this all out. Good luck.

Answer 6

You did the right thing. I don't understand your husband for being angry at you. Had I found out my son was having sex in the same room with his ten year old brother, I would have called his parole officer myself.
Your husband's not thinking clearly about this.

Answer 7

What kind of skank does that without consulting the FATHER???
You had NO right to do that and you should have called his dad.
You deserve whatever trouble you get from the family. Frankly, if he's half a dad he'll dump you. Obviously you hate his son and God HELP your younger one if HE should screw up.
YES YOU WERE WRONG!!! You took it upon yourself to make a decision affecting your step son, and you should have consulted his father FIRST.

Answer 8

Please don't let anyone try to tell you this is your fault. The kid evidently has problems. He didn't follow rules and doesn't sound like he was trying to do better.
You also have another child to think of. That is not the values you want your child seeing and learning.
The more you let your step child get away with, the worse it will get.

Answer 9

I'm sorry I don't know what to say, but I only wanted to tell you I wish you good luck. Don't deal with this alone! And don't forget to pray. Talk to the preast, he might put a good word for all of you,too.

Answer 10

It's time for your son to realize that there are consequences to his actions.

Looks like he's heading to be a jailbird. it's his choice. Don't let him ruin the other lives of your family.