What am I going to do about the dad / stepdad feud at my wedding?

Question

My dad hates my mums partner (who she left my dad for).

I am planning my wedding and of course want dad to give me away but he says he won't go if "he's" there! I refuse to not have my step dad there and really want him to be part of it.

I know my dad will be talked round to coming without causing a fuss but how can I keep my step dad involved in the day without making my dad angry?

I wish they could both give me away without falling out!! That could never happen though.

I thought about asking my step dad to make a speech aswell at the sit down dinner but I think that will just make dad angry. I just don't know what to do.

Answer 1

I'd ask them to both give you away. Tell them that they either can or you'll take the one that offers to do it. It's time for the boys to grow up, it's not about them anymore.

Answer 2

It is time for you to sit them both down and say, I love you both. I do not love one more than the other or I do not love one less because I love the other. I want you both to be involved in my day, I want it to happen with out any fussing. I would hope that you can both act like adults and do this for me, since I only plan on doing this once, Unless, however you all want to pay for two seperate weddings? Smile really big. Also you might want to remind your dad, that this man (step) did not leave him, your mom did. He was not the problem she was. That you have come to love and respect the step, and he should be very happy for you because of that. Most stepchildren hate step parents.

Answer 3

Have your father stroll you down midway down the isle in which your doorstep father will become a member of the either one of you all the way down to the regulate. I might best do that in case your practically your doorstep father and if he has been on your existence for a protracted very long time. Look, he is aware of that you just don't seem to be his daughter and typically does not wish to step to your fathers feet regarding the rite/ reception... finally I'm definite you care approximately him, however he is not your father he's your moms moment husband. My opinion, are not making your doorstep father an usher and do not do the twin dance factor.

Answer 4

You tell them to behave and be adults because the wedding is your day. Tell them both that you want them there but that the other is going to be there too. And that if they don't want to come you'll understand but you hope they can swallow their pride to be there. And that you expect the best behavior from them both. As far as honoring them you can do whatever you want. This is YOUR DAY, and you should not worry about family politcs. If you want your step-dad to make a speech, let him do it. But in my opinion there is probably no way that you can have both of them walk you down the aisle. i don't know what the history is between you and your real dad and step-dad. However choose one to walk you down and if the other one loves you they will understand.

Answer 5

tell them both this is your day and that you want both there but if they are going to act like 2 year old tell them don't bother coming,they will soon stop there tantrums.ask both of them to give you away one on each arm if that don't work ask your mum to do it buy asking your mum will show them that either way you will have your day.the speech will no reason why both cant give one.just stress the point it is your day not theres or ask your brother or an uncle i am sure things will be fine good luck and best wishes

Answer 6

Me personally I have a similar situation. My stepdad raised me and my brother since we were 4 and 2. I plan to have my stepdad walk me down the aisle and that is that. It is my day and whatever feelings they have about it they can sort it out outside of my day. Hopefully before my day. But unfortunately it doesn't work that way sometimes, in your case someone will have to possibly have their feelings hurt if not both.

Answer 7

I have the same problem. What I am doing is inviting both, my father will walk me down the aisle, and before the ceremony starts I am going to give a small note to my step dad that thanks him for being there for me. I know that will make him feel special enough

Answer 8

if you want to just keep the peace, why not find someone else to give you away, like a brother/cousin/uncle...if you are really wanting your dad to give you away, just talk to him and tell him that you will be very upset if he doesnt come to your wedding just b/c your stepdad will be there. tell him that you love both of them and refuse to choose between the two.

Answer 9

Invite step-dad, but no speech. Say this to your father, "I'm sorry you cannot put aside your own issues so that I do not have any stress on my special day. I want you to walk me down the aisle and I expect you to be there and not cause any more worries for me than I already have about a wedding."

Answer 10

I kind of had this dilemna with my dad and step-dad. My dad threw a FIT when I told him I wanted him and my step-dad to walk me down the isle. We sat down and talked it over and I told him how much they BOTH meant to me and that I had made the best of the life him and my mom had created for me and in the end he said he didn't agree with it but he woudl do it. It is your day, I also at one time told them if they couldn't tolerate each other that I would have my grandfather walk me instead. Best of luck!

Answer 11

This is tricky...just talk to each of them separately, explain that this is your special day and you love both of them and want them both to be involved. Tell them if they care about you and want you to be happy, they can make the effort to put their differences aside for one day. If either of them can't do that, I'm afraid you will have to tell that one that he can't attend the wedding.

As for FOB duties, try splitting it - my dad is dead so I have a choice of two men to do the honours on my wedding day - my cousin (closest male relative on father's side) and my uncle (mum's brother and my godfather, to whom I am very close). To make them both involved, my cousin will give me away and my uncle will give the speech.
But remember - it is YOUR day and if you want both men to give speeches, that is what you should have - your dad and stepdad can like it or lump it.