i live with my bf. we have a baby. 7months. he thinks im fat . i have gained a total of 60 lbs from my pg, i was 123 and im 5'7". now i am 147. i don't think i look that bad. i know i ma not losing the weight fast but its coming off. when he goes grocery shopping he only buys the minumun and nothing i like. i feel like iam starving . i did try talking to him. no effect. that conversation ended with "i know what's best for my family"
i don't want to blow this up but it's wierd to be unable to eat at your own house and i don't want to leave him because of that. its fixable, right?. is he embarass? we planned on going to the beach this summer.could that be it? any ideas?
2007-05-22 20:26:01 · 20 answers · asked by mimi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
thank you for letting me know that i am not losing my mind. for a few weeks i thought i was over reacting. it's funny how you don't realize how bad a situation is when you are in it. i never called his behavior abusive but now i see it . the food, i always thougt that he wanted me to look good . i could not see the abuse. he is good with his daughter i can't lie and say he isn't. but what about me? don't i get a break? i am losing weight, i have to accept tht i can't do it overnight and i do go to the gym. i have to stop feeling sorry for myself and take my life back.
thank you for your support.
2007-05-22 20:50:38 · update #1
No, It's not fixable. You are well within the healthy weight range for your height. But that's not important. What is important is that he's keeping you without enough food. This IS A FORM OF ABUSE. He is abusive and controlling. He is very unlikely to change. For the safety of your baby, get yourself and the child away from him now. Next he will start keeping you without money, and it'll be harder to get away. I'm sorry you are going through this. Get help immediately. Contact your local YWCA or family if you have some nearby.
2007-05-22 20:35:19 · answer #1 · answered by Mother Amethyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is a pretty serious issue. Problems like these run deep and if they continue they can end up being a lot worse than groceries. You need to nip this in the bud. It seems you have a low standard of communication with your partner, that is something you MUST work on if you want this relationship to work. Now normally I would say pack up and leave, but there is a kid involved. I think you two need some serious counseling or at least a strong agreement and willingness to work on the relationship together. Get the communication lines between you two going. Start by expressing that you will not stand for the way he treats you. Make it clear that you think you two need work.
Good luck!
2007-05-23 03:45:58 · answer #2 · answered by jazzman1127 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a wanker. Obviously there is an emotional connection and he hasn't always been controlling and he has just became that way... so I don't feel you should dump him but I don't think you should really be forced into losing weight if you are comfortable with how you are. Sit down and talk to him and if that doesn't work... be a bit of a ***** to him and criticize him about something and when he complains... tell him that how he is feeling now is what you've been feeling like for a while. If he still doesn't understand...kick him to the kerb.
2007-05-23 03:35:42 · answer #3 · answered by Alan J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a serious talk. He is emotionally abusing you by talking to you like that. If you are really doing your best to eat healthy and workout to get back in shape he should have no complaints. Find healthy recipes you can prepare together and active activities that you can enjoy together. Put the baby in a stroller and walk together everyday, it will help you lose the weight and give you both time to talk. If he doesn't agree, its time to put your foot down, you can't be starved in your own house dammit!
2007-05-23 03:30:37 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow. He sounds like he definitely has some control issues. Have you talked to a close friend or family member? You are an adult and should be able to eat whatever you choose. 5'7" and 147 is NOT fat. He needs to grow up.
2007-05-23 03:29:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
A controlling person is always going to cause trouble somewhere, sometime, with someone. Your bf doesn't realize that you have to be the one who works on losing weight & not him or his plan. It's not only hard to be a new Mom it's hard to lose weight, have someone telling you what to do. Maybe you could communicate with your bf that his way will only make you angry & not submissive. Congrates on your baby. I wish you well.
2007-05-23 03:32:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not fat -- your perfectly within the range for your height:
"According to your height of 5' 7" your ideal healthy weight is 143 pounds. Your recommended weight range is between 127 and 159 pounds."
Your bf is a jerk. Dump him, sue for full custody and child support.
2007-05-23 03:29:59 · answer #7 · answered by Herb 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
just break up with him. let me tell you something, my mom was with my step-dad for 12 years before she finally realized this guy was ruining hers, and her kids lives. it might start out with something small, like him trying to make you lose weight, but trust me it will turn into more than that. you did say you tried to talk to him. i dont know what you told him, but tell him if he doesnt stop telling you what to do, then its over. dont make the same mistake as my mom, and so many other women made. i understand if you love him, and you just want to try to make this thing work out, but you got to stay strong. believe it or not, but there are guys out there that arnt controlling.
2007-05-23 03:32:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you starve. Eat as much as you want. There's a proverd "something is better than nothing". Instead of spoiling your life by getting separated from your bf, be with him and go to gym or do some excercise or swimming to control your fats.
2007-05-23 03:32:06 · answer #9 · answered by madlymadrks 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Going to the beach this summer could be your opportunity to talk ti him about your problem... Don't dump him yet.., Maybe he has his reasons...
But, if he refuse to answer and would not talk to you about it and still continue doing that to you then maybe it's the time to dump him....
Carry your baby with you coz i don't think he's gonna be a good father if he would do that to you..
Cheer up!
2007-05-23 03:35:57 · answer #10 · answered by SoSick0fy0u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋