How can I say NO when my adult daughter asks for rent money?

Question

it's always some pity party and she knows how to push my buttons,,but I'm going broke.

Answer 1

I am 18 and a daughter and i would suggest you tell your daughter that she will never get anywhere in life if she is dependent on her parents. I bet you she goes out and spends money on unnecessary clothing and accessories, alcohol, Cd's DVDs, drives places when she could walk some, eat out every meal instead of cooking her own cheaper meal, etc.

Tell me is that fair to you that she gets all that ^^^ and you get, well an empty wallet?

Answer 2

Actually, you sound like an enabler. It is one of the hardest things you can do but you need to "just say no." I have TWO grown sisters that have tried over the last 15 years to do this to me. For the first year, I worked for their rent, clothes and food and had little more than rent money for myself. The second year, I kept changing my phone number and not answering the door when it was "rent time." Eventually, the problems went to someone else. You can do it, its called "tough love."

Answer 3

lmao.. to the above poster.. too funny...
but seriously....
here's your answer:
my sister was given money for her entire life... everytime she needed bill money she was given it. She's not a bad person and would have rather paid herself.. but unfortunately it taught her that there was always an out. She learned that she didn't need to save or worry about her finances. To this day it has hurt her.
Here's how you say no:
You remember every single time you say no that there will come a day that she will no longer have you. You consider that you must teach her to be without you because she will eventually.....
ESPECIALLY: you remember that you are the mother put here to TEACH her not to baby her for the rest of her life. If you want to take care of her you make sure she can take care of herself.
good luck.. and don't give in.. you are making a huge mistake.

Answer 4

You just say "No". Decide to now and stick to it. It isn't fair for your daughter. You are enabling her to be irresponsible. If you love her you will want her to be self-sufficient not always messing up and depending on someone else to dig her out.
Also think, what will she do when you can no longer help or you are gone? She will be helpless! As I mom I am sure you love her enough to want the best for her and that would mean stopping the handouts.
On the other hand you have raised her and she is on her own. You need to take care of yourself and not work and go broke to support her poor choices.

Answer 5

"NO!" You're not doing her any good by giving it to her? Does she have any children? If so, you may have to continue this for their sake. If not, sit down with her and go over her budget. Painstakinly go over her budget. Give her a calendar and, with her, put in when the dates when each bill is due, then put in when she gets paid, and how much. Show her how to budget every other way. Tell her this is the last time, if it's necessary, but make it the last time. If she's old enough to be on her own, she's old enough not to have you pay her bills.

Answer 6

I'm an adult daughter myself, and this might be just me, but when I've been in money trouble in the past, what I really wanted (needed) was for my mom to stop bailing me out. When she stopped, I went through a tough time until I figured out how to take care of myself. The point is I figured it out. Give her a chance, make her be self-sufficient.

Answer 7

You have to understand that by enabling her to come to you for bail out everytime she's in a financial bind is really just hurting her! As hard as it is to say no to our children, if we do not force them to grow up and stand on their own two feet, it almost becomes abusive. As parents-we will not always be there to help them. By not allowing her to grow up, you could actually be heading her towards life on the streets. Say NO, with strength and stand your ground no matter how hard it gets. Keep telling yourself you are helping your daughter become a woman, strong and independant. What better gift can you really give your child? Please stay strong!

Answer 8

i feel for you because i am going through that myself but you see they never moved out. i cant claim them as dependent because they have kids out of my 5 grand children 4live at my house. out of my 4 daughters 3 live at my house no one pays any bills, food , put gas in the car heck they don,t even pay me to watch there kids.And i work full time. everyone has to trust there higher power or what ever. I trust God. I this where need to be in my life. NO!!!. Why am i here because i had fear more of what they may do to my grandchildren.You see guys always came first for them.but now i say I can,t do that because i am building up resentment so i say no. Now it time for me to learn to say out. So if something happens to me they now not only can they not take of them self they can not take care of there own children. and i am not proud that at all.

Answer 9

I would start by telling her how you took pride in many things you accomplished for yourself in your life. If you have to BS about how you always felt ashamed to ask your parents for help.

Just lay the good old fashion guilt trip on her. Also if she has any bad habits, tell her That you are not paying her rent, that you are paying her habits, and her habits are not what is getting her far in life. Tell her you want to only help her if she is helping herself. If all else fails, tell her to move back in, and make it miserable for her.

Answer 10

Talk to her )just out of the blue) about your financial issues and how you dont have much money anymore. (Don't mention it is because she keeps asking for it) Then, ext time she ask for money tell her remeber that day I told you I was broke well I meant it. And no matter how much it hurts... don't give in to her...or else you will be her ATM for life.