My sister ( and I ) were adopted and her birth mom was young. I believe this also made my sisters choices reckless and stupid. She didnt graduate High school because she was too busy do drugs. My parents sent her to a private boarding art school where she did drugs and then ran away. We didn't know where she was for 4 months I think. I hated her for not taking advantage of her advantages. I hated her soo much infact i don't know enough of her life story to write it down. Basically for the past 3-4 years she has been doing drugs, getting arrested, having boyfriends who suck, dealing drugs and now she is having a baby, which she is going to adopt away... like mother like daughter!!! She also calls to ask my mom how to make simple meals but i think she calls because she is lonely or something. I dont know why I hate her, I mean... SHES MY SISTER, but I hate her, i dont want to but i do and i can't explain to my self why. Please help.
2007-05-22 16:28:16 · 15 answers · asked by Hunan_McGintire 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Some things to clear up
-We were adopted when we were babies
-She is bi-polar
-We tried extremly hard trying to get her to come home, straighten out her life and start new, but she wont and she thinks she knows whats best
2007-05-22 16:51:41 · update #1
-We were adopted from different mothers (we are not brother and sister from birth)
-I don't know why I have to say this, but I am a guy
2007-05-23 11:28:58 · update #2
everybody adjust to being given up for adoption differently... for some people it can really scar them...like my exhusband...
you look at all the advantages she threw away and she looks at having been thrown away.....
i don't know why you hate her...unless you feel like she causes your parents pain and grief......
i think part of your hate is fear...fear that something really bad will happen to her so you try to detach yourself..
the opposite of love isn't hate...its indifference..... think about that.....
2007-05-22 16:33:33 · answer #1 · answered by myheartisjames 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you like her because of the bad choices she's made in her life, and probably also because she hasn't shown much love or caring towards you or towards your parents.
Try to give her some compassion, though. She obviously has lots of problems and needs alot of help. For whatever reason, you didn't make the same mistakes she did, and your life will probably be better than hers. I'm not saying that you should get sucked into her life, but try to forgive her. She sounds like a very unhappy person. Good luck.
2007-05-22 23:44:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Drug addicts wreak havoc on family members. You are living it right now. You hate her because she has made so many bad choices and caused trouble in the family. It is okay. You do not have to love her even if she were biological sister. Being adopted has nothing to do with your feelings. She hurt you terribly that is why you hate her. Please go to Alanon it could help you let go of the hate. You do not have to love or accept her. I just hate for you to waste emotional energy on hating her.
2007-05-28 21:00:35 · answer #3 · answered by TAT 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Correction: ".... she also calls to ask our mom...."
I read your entry three times to try and read between the lines. Nothing in your explanation says that she mistreated you while growing up... or anything like that. When you said "my mom", though... it gave me a hint what could be the issue here. Do you "hate" her so much, because she got all the attention for all her shortcomings and delinquent behavior? Do you know why you were given away? I mean- you seem to know everything about your sister- including her background... how about you? Could it be that everything she is doing is what you your mom was doing? You know.... instead of hating her- be thankful that you seem to have broken the vicious cycle of your original family's history.... They say that very few people are able to do that... your sis is one of those, who is repeating the mistake of the past generation. Instead of hating her- pray for her.... because there are some things that only God has the power to change.
2007-05-23 02:56:54 · answer #4 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Im not doubting how you are feeling but are you sure you hate your sister or do you just hate what she does? Like I hate what my sister does and sometimes I get that confused with me hating her but I really love her. The thing I hate about what she does is she sleeps around with any male thats willing to spread em. Shes not faithful to the one shes with. Are you worried about what harm she can get into? Like do you want to stay away and hate her because you know her behaviors might cause her to die? When my sister got pregnant I pushed her away and hated her because she has a disease that she could have died from if she had the child but she didnt want to give up the child and I wanted to push her away so I didnt get too close to her because it would hurt me too much. I thought I hated her but when everything turned out ok and she didnt die I loved her very much. So would you love your sister if she straightened out her life such as not doing anything that could jepordize her health? If she didnt get taught how to cook she might just be calling not to make you and your family lifes miserable but because she really doesnt know how to cook. I dont know how to cook very simple things because nobody really taught me. Yes I think you might be thinking you have a lot to think about now but it might be worth it.
2007-05-23 01:17:03 · answer #5 · answered by tootiebear 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why? Only you can answer that.
The Fear that others don't see life as we do Could be one factor of many...such as the fear the christians have over other religions, and vice-e-versa.
Anger that she is far too free to hurt herself in a nation that allows her to Could be another.
LOVE of her because you grew up together as a family...and the Frustration that you can't help her Could be also a guiding force...but you know what...you can't...only she can...you can only choose to say I Love you and will be here when you finally fall...or to say **** you goodbye forever.
What law states that just because you love someone it means you have to like them or approve of their lifestyle? Or that just because someone is called family...well...maybe fear
sorry...but she has the god-given, american-granted, right to **** up her...we only have the right to care and cry...or to hate and cry...Her baby? Sadly, we give that right to the mother alone to **** up...but, for whatever known or unknow reason she was given away, it is what she knows.
2007-05-28 15:44:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Snazzle. I'm 99.999% positive you do love her.Why? Because your question and statements all contain the same theme. Both of you didn't bond as youngsters, (we are sisters).Both of you have very different personalities or affect differing personalities (we are sisters) . Opposing goals and furtures (we are sisters). Both of you are not in the others life (but we are sisters) You just don't know her( but we are sisters).
I think you are very judgemental when faced with situations that you dont understand , or dont wish to understand . You both have completly different outlooks on life. Your sister is not you.
I dont think you hate her at all , I think you hate the fact ( and you should accept it) that you dont KNOW her. You only see her as a person that isnt up to your standard , to your ideas of you, (but we are sisters).
She is a person in her own right, bad choices , bad bfs, bad situations. But its her life. If she has no wish to change it ,accept her and make an effort to try to understand her. Judging is above and beyond what sisters do. Understand ing is.
2007-05-23 09:08:18 · answer #7 · answered by reinformer 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How can you hate her when you said yourself you don't even know her that well? You sound like a insecure,self centered,uncaring,selfish brat! Who are you to criticize and judge her? Maybe the problem isn't her at all! I don't see how you can like yourself! It's easy to blame others for your problems! But, then again to have respect for others you have to have respect for yourself first! It's interesting that you refer to the woman who adopted the two of you as," my Mom!" Get over it! And grow up!
2007-05-30 09:53:58 · answer #8 · answered by Btru2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister needs help, support and love. I dont know why you hate her so much - are you jealous of her? Maybe if you didnt hate her so much and tried to be there for her with support, caring and understanding she might not be in such a mess. She obviously is in a really bad way - and your lack of empathy or care for her may be part of why she is how she is. My heart goes out to her - and I hope you can stop being so selfish and try & be a little more giving - if you can, maybe you can save her & her unborn child.
2007-05-22 23:35:08 · answer #9 · answered by sassymoomin 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You shouldn't be that concerned with your sister, it's you that you should be concerned with.
With a track record like your sister, just keep away from her. I'm not a therapist and not very qualified to say this, but in my opinion she sounds like a sociopath. I don't mean Hannibal Lecter-type sociopath, I mean one that will take advantage of other people like a human leech.
For your mental health, STAY AWAY. Love your mother, love your father, love someone, but seriously. You have good reason NOT to care about her.
2007-05-22 23:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋