lets say you have 2 or more kids. and 1 tells you the other did something bad like broke the window, do you go punish the accused child without full evidence?
The reason why i am asking this is because my 16 yr old son does Mix Martial Arts and i saw him training in our home gym and he had scratch marks on his back. like a woman was under him clawing at his back, but i have no evidence that it happened so i can't accuse him of that. he told me he scratched himself because he was itchy.
and i'm no fool, i know it is from having intercourse, but i have no evidence. so no punishment. thats the way things goes in my house.
at least he got an A in his sex ed class a few yrs ago. so he knows how to protect himself.
2007-05-22 14:08:55 · 15 answers · asked by TC 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Nobody likes a dibber dobber. My kids 'dob' eachother in all the time. Most of the time, it's nowhere near as bad as the dobber is making it out to be. Just because your 16y.o got a A in sex ed, it doesn't mean he was using protection. He may just be very knowledged in the subject. If you can't prove he's having sex, you can't really punish him for lying to you. I guess all you can say is that if he is lying to you, you're very dissapointed in him. Sorry love, sounds like you've hit that grey area of kids and punishment. I have the same problem with one of my kids, they're sneaky enough to do some things, but don't leave quite enough evidence to warrant prosecution *lol* Maybe his Dad/male figure could have a word in his ear? Your son may feel more comfortable talking to a man about it.... Good luck.
2007-05-22 14:19:30 · answer #1 · answered by I Love My Job 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really don't want to sound "preachy" but..... I spent a lifetime following the "No proof, No punishment" path. I don't know if your the mom or the dad but I can say this with 100 percent accuracy, if you know in your gut that your child is lying, then your child is lying. My guess, the child accused, and the child with the scratches, are both male and in a close age group. You can punish the child who has the scratches for lying. If your not sure your 16 yr old is lying, or if you only feel comfortable with disciplining the guilty party, pull both kids into the same room and tell them what you think happened, tell them you have already spoken the the parents of all their friends and you now know the answer to the question you asked but you want to hear it from them. The bottom line, your right, act on it.
2007-05-22 17:19:59 · answer #2 · answered by Nmd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
one word answer - no. Do I believe it everytime, not necessarily. handle it...I'd have to just go about having general conversation (to address the issue at hand) with him (how was hockey practice? blah blah, ) and bring up general topics you read on the web then include what you learned about STD's which you happen to see and the astounding statistics. and then ... You were shocked it was still so high given all the awareness out there. You didn't have that much knowledge back in dinosaur school. (that was a poor attempt at a joke to lighten the intensity of the conversation) Does he hear this at school or such? Add that you hope that if he decides to that he uses protection because some STD's are not curable. Make it up, it doesn't have to be your past experience, it could be a friend you remembered about when you saw an article on the web about teenage sex statistics. If you don't want to be "deceitful", then look up the statistic online. you know how, then go from there. it doesn't have to be a news flash. you are trying to educate him and help him in the long run. you are not trying to cheat him out of money. Also, don't freak (maybe just to his father or your very best friend) when you freak they shut you down. He also might shut you down for even for trying to bring it up, but whatever you get in before that he has heard. it's in there. I guess my point is communication, support and respect. I have 3 kids, (27, 20, 18 B B G) i mostly get respect, i give unconditional love/support and I know more about their lives than I care to (lol) so I guess we have good communication. Sometimes they listen and sometimes not. But I still have my say.
2007-05-29 19:15:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would never discipline a child without evidence. Did you study law, and forget parenting?
The boy is 16 years old, and it a natural age to have intercourse. Provide him with condoms, and a sense of responsibility, as to not hop on every willing young lady.
Are you jealous of the scratch marks? He obviously knows his was around, and is a natural. Things will calm down, once the girl knows he is hers. You may be pushing away your future daughter-in-law, because if the boy is disciplined in the martial arts, he gives some thinking to the moves he makes.
I would take a breather, and grow up some yourself. We aren't Puritans, and don't burn witches at the stake. You obviously weren't taught the respect for the males of your own race. Are you going to his honeymoon?
2007-05-22 14:44:42 · answer #4 · answered by Marissa Di 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Talk to him about it. Tell him what you think it could be from. Does he have a girlfriend? Don't punish him. He's 16. Instead, tell him that you would rather know what he's doing than have no clue. If you punish him, he will do it anyway and may not be protecting himself and the girl. Instead of punishing him, talk to him about how to protect himself... offer to provide the protection.
I would rather supply my kid with condoms, knowing that he's using them, than have no clue if he's even doing anything and then end up being called when the girl turns up prego.
2007-05-22 14:16:48 · answer #5 · answered by its_victoria08 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You cannot punish a child for having intercourse it's a natural thing. Although if he is lying to you that is a problem, Look for the signs... if he is lying like watch his eyebrows, if they move.. he could be lying, or his eyes and head if he can't look at you straight, then it's probably a fib. If you don't want him having intercourse you should probably keep a tighter leash on the boy because boys will be boys
2007-05-22 14:16:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dont punish him.
If he tells you the truth, and you punish him for it, he wont trust you with future things he wants/needs to talk about. Just sit him down and let him know its okay, and sex doesnt make him a bad person. I know it would be hard to talk to ur child about his sex life...but wouldnt you rather know whats going on than be left in the dark?
Good luck.
2007-05-22 15:08:48 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Yes Im K.A.B's Mommy :)♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't because it's not fair. My boys are 3 and 4 and are forever fighting about something. They both really like to try and get each other in trouble.So, unless I see it with my own eyes, I don't punish them since I can never be sure if they're telling stories or not.
2007-05-22 14:23:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why punish him ????? If you punish him for that you might loose his trust and something more serious might happen and he wont tell you! But a good safe sex talk is good make sure he remembers that A in sex ed
2007-05-29 17:41:24 · answer #9 · answered by firefighterace 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you should do is to question him. Don't be so abrupt either. Have like a normal conversation and then bring it up. Just tell him that you want the honest truth and then he will be willing to tell you the honest truth. Good luck.
2007-05-28 15:50:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋