Bringing their boyfriends on vacation with us?

Question

Every summer my husband, my twin daughters, who are 17 and I go down the shore for 2 weeks. As they've gotten older, they've each brought a friend down with us. A couple nights ago the two of them came up to us and asked if their boyfriends could come and stay a couple days this summer. My daughters' boyfriends are very nice guys and have been going out with my daughters for some time now. I trust all 4 of them and believe they're all responsible teenagers. There's plenty of room for the boys and of course I'd keep an eye on them. My husband, on the other hand, flipped out and said that the only way those boys were coming down were if they slept in a hotel room. He's very protective and impossible to compermise with. Anyone else have a husband like this? Or are you a father like this? Would you allow your daughters (or sons) to do this?

In my opinion, i think my husband needs to realize that his "little girls" are 17 and going away to college in a year. They boys would sleep in a room next to ours and my husband has spoken to them about how important his daughter are to him a million times. Boys will be boys, true, but when does that stop being an excuse?

Answer 1

Being a "daddy" is a lot like being a body guard. Only it's for life. Your husband is actually taking a really good stand by voicing the opinion that these young men should stay in a hotel or some such accomodation. Oh yes, kids will be kids, I refusse to deny that answer as I was their (yourdaughters and their respective boy-friends) age not that long ago. The point I'm attempting to make here is that you husband, you daughter's daddy(and he sounds like a good one too), is doing his best to keep his daughters away from bad influences and what not. OH yes, sub-conciously he realizes that they're growing up and will one day be out of the house, but he's still going to be "daddy" no matter what. For me, If my sons/daughters even considered doing this(I was raised very old-fashioned by two parents whose parents BOTH were in the military. Marines and army to be precise), I'd be very hard pressed NOT to ground my sons until they were 21 years old. As for my daughters, I think I'd put them in a monestary if they ever ask me anything like that! But that's just my opinion. I do have a god-daughter and let me tell you, every time I see how much bigger she's gotten, I start thinking of what load for the shot-gun I'm going to need as to keep the hounds at bay per se. As to my god-son, every time I see how much older he is, I find myself wanting to drag him down to the pharmacy and explain to him how much cheaper abstinance is versuse a bag of dipers, baby wipes and baby food costs a week. Yet again, I digress.

Answer 2

I think my husband would have a heart attack if our 17 year old daughter ever asked this. My husband and i are both 37 and he's in the military. We also have a 5yr son and 4yr daughter. Because the two of us had Sam, our 17yr, at a young age and the fact that he wasn't really home a lot up until 3 months ago (shipped over seas) he's even more protective of her than if we had her 10 years later. He remembers what it was like to be 17, 18 years old, "in love" and end up getting married young and having a baby. I agree with Manga and understand exactly where the father's are coming from, but "sit on the fence" myself on this one. I remember what it was like to be 17. My parents trusted me and i trusted myself and wasn't easily pressured. My parents actually let my husband go down the shore with us when he was just my boyfriend and high school and we had a great time! Nothing happened and it was nice to spend time with him and my family. Of course my husband had a LONG talk with my father before we left.
Honestly the two of you being there doesn't make the situation any different than if the boys came over your house. All i see if just a different house youre sleeping in and the beach being closer.
My husband and i have had several talks about our daughter and her boyfriend. I remember the first time he came over, my husband told him "I went to jail and not afraid to go back." The poor kid was scared to death and i think thats what works. He knows though that Sam is almost 18 and he needs to stop being so protective and let her make her decisions.

Answer 3

I can picture my 15yr son and my 17yr daughter asking this question at the same time. My husband would turn to my son and say "sure, bring your girlfriend." he'd then turn to my daughter and say "Not even when I'm dead, sweetheart." I have another daughter who is 12 and my husband is very protective of the two of them, more the oldest than the youngest. He has a long talk with every boy that walks in the door asking for my 17yr old in the family room in front of his hunting guns. I cant understand what makes those boys EVER want to put a foot back into my house after that conversation, but they do.
Like someone else said, if they whole family is going, it's not a big deal. I'd watch them just like i watch them at home. I have trust in my daughter and she's old enough to make her own decisions. With my son, he has a fat chance of ever bringing his girlfriend. lol
Best wishes!

Answer 4

Your husband is latently dealing with what he would do if he was allowed at his teenage years, to go on vacation with his girl friends, and may or may not have a point. For a couple of days? Can the boys be trusted to sleep in a two-man tent for only the two nights and then go home? That would be fine. But the rest of the vacation should be just for the family. Now, for what he's worried about: Sir, the kids can do THAT anytime, anywhere. What makes you distrust your daughters, and mom? How did you raise them anyway. Trust them, and get close to them, and perhaps their needs. Let them show you, again, that they really are nice guys. Or, how about, you and the girls going on vacation. invite the boys, and see if dad wants to come along, or not.

Answer 5

Many of the problems you may be facing could be just the tip of the iceberg on what is really happening in your marriage. I dont mean to scare you but many problems when they either first show up or if they keep reoccurring could be just whats showing from a larger problem that either you or your spouse cannot even see. One of the only things you can do to help is to talk honestly and openly with each other in the marriage. If things become more serious more serious options need to be looked at as possibilities. I have a blog that has more information on some of what I've been writing about. If you feel like checking it out I would completly suggest it. Read here https://tr.im/zNG6L

Love is a choice that is made everyday when you wake up and every night when you go to sleep. Some days you may not feel the original feeling but love isnt a feeling or an emotion. Its an action a verb. Falling out of love may just mean you need to spice things up a little or that you were never in love in the first place. Don't just get out of a marriage just because you don't think you like the person anymore.

Answer 6

Sad thing is fathers are very very protective of there daughters...He knows what the boys that age are thinking..So even if they where 30 he would have the same problem with b/f's coming on trips with the girls...
I think that it would be alright , but you got to remember boys will be boys . Is there a way for the boys to get a ajoining room with U....
Talk to the parents of the boys and see what they say, they might be willing to pay for the boys hotel room.
Good Luck

Answer 7

I think that they could come if they stayed in separate bedrooms -- but it would be monitored. I'm sure that your husband wants his privacy and he wants to enjoy the vacation, too. Which to him, means being able to march around the house in his boxers if he feels like it and getting a full-night's sleep without having to peep in on the girls and their beaus every 20 minutes. Plus, I'm sure that he's concerned about his girls as well. I suggest looking for solutions and maybe discussing it with the boys' parents. Maybe one of the other parents would rent their own place for a few days and the boys can come down (and stay) with them. Good luck.

Answer 8

What your husband needs to come to terms with is that whether he likes it or not your daughters will have alone time with their boyfriends. You can't watch them all day every day. At some point he needs to trust them. Especially if he knows the boyfriends well.

What if he sat down and talked to the boys about it?

Answer 9

I agree with your husband. I'd be upset if my daughter brought her boyfriend...this is family time, not "honeymoon" time for your daughters and their boyfriends. I'm not saying that I am denial about them having sex, etc. But, family time is family time and dynamics change when a boyfriend comes vs. a friend. They can see them when vacation is over. If they did come they would stay in their own room and foot all their own bills.

Answer 10

As a mother of three boys I do not feel your husband is over reacting at all!!
He knows what boys are like!! You think you are going to keep your eyes on four teenagers two of who's hormones are ranging and sex is a big thing on there minds 24/7....good luck mother of only girls....You have to sleep some time.
When the cat is gone the mice will play.