He's cool with my lack of religion, but he wants us to raise the kids Catholic?

Question

My boyfriend and I are discussing marriage. He is Catholic. I was raised anti-religion...but I now consider myself a spiritual person (but not a member of anything).

He is fine about me not being Catholic. He'd like me to go to mass with him. He'd like our future children to be raised Catholic. I'm fine with this in principle, but I'm afraid of the hypocrisy: Won't the congregation members gossip about the situation? Won't the Sunday school kids tell my children that their mom is going to hell?

If you're in this situation, are your kids confused about what is the truth? Are they affected by what the other people say?

I appreciate your answers.

Answer 1

What you and your boyfriend need to do is sit down and talk about all these issues - whether you want to pretend you believe just to humor everyone is up to you, but you should both be clear on what's going to happen and what you're going to tell people.

More importantly, you need to be very, very clear on what you'll tell your children, because if the tough questions do get asked you need to be prepared.

If you aren't familiar with the details of what the children will be learning as Catholics, you need to educate yourself on that. It's going to affect you. Catholicism is very powerful and if you're going to get into this, you'd better do it with your eyes open.

Myself, I don't recommend it, but it's your life and your love so it's up to you. Just please, be very clear on what it is and what you'll do and what you'll say, it could prevent many conflicts in the future.

Answer 2

First, if you're in agreement with raising your children Catholic, thank you and God bless you.

More than likely you will not have to worry about gossip. Catholic Masses are very different from Protestant church services. By this I mean that most of the time, you will not see the same people at Mass everytime, except for a few regulars, and usually there isn't much personal involvement. The reason is because the people are there to worship, not socialize. You can just stay to yourself and for all practical purposes no one would ever know you're not that religious. This is because the Church focuses everything to be between you and God. It's no one else's business what you do or how you do it - your relationship with God is between you and Him. Period.

The same thing will probably apply with Sunday school (or catechism, as we Catholics call it, lol).

My best advice would be not to worry about what other people say. Everyone has an opinion like they have a nose on their face.

Another tid-bit you'll like: another reason you probably won't see the same people all the time is 1) different Mass schedules, and 2) different church locations. You see, with the Catholic Church, you can go to any church you like and still get the same teachings, bible readings, and Holy Communion. This is because of the unity of the Church, teaching and believing in the same things. You can't get this with Protestants. They're too fractured.

Anyway, sorry for ranting so long. Hope this helps. God bless.

Answer 3

Actually, I doubt the CCD (Catholic Sunday School) kids will tell your kids that because the kids don't have to know. The congregation won't gossip. You can tell people what you want them to know. If you don't go up for the Holy Eucharist, let them think you haven't gone to Confession for a while and you want to be in a state of grace to recieve. Your children can tell the other CCD kids whatever they want. If they're mature enough, they'll just say there's still hope for her. (I know from personal experience.) And your kids might try to get you to convert. (Again, from personal experience in the kid's position.) Good luck, congratulations on your marriage, and God bless!

Answer 4

Gossip is sinful because, much of the time, it entails finding pleasure in other people's (alleged) misfortune. I would not worry about that, if I were you - especially if you do intend to attend mass with your boyfriend/husband.

Proper instruction of Catholic Doctrine teaches only God knows what's in our hearts, not other people. That is why only God is allowed to determine who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. Any Catholic who believes he/she can tell who's going where, is not following proper Church teaching.

The Church does teach that we can and MUST judge each other's behavior. You are your brother's keeper? Yes - you are!

Properly instructed Catholics know how to discern behavior as moral or immoral - and when to acknowledge when there is insufficient information available discern one way or the other.

Put simply, you do not have to worry about your children interpreting your not being catholic as "hypocrisy".

Having said all this, the fact you are not Catholic may very well compell your children to question you as to why you are not a Catholic. Your answer - more than anything else - has the potential to create more confusion than any other element.

With this in mind, if you do not object to Catholic beliefs and practices, why not eventually become one for the sake of family unity in the Spirit?

There is a saying, "The family that prays together stays together."

Answer 5

You know, the congregation doesn't need to know that you have a lack of religion. It's none of their business. I'm a witch who attends catholic church with my husband. We have decided to raise our children in the catholic church (but when they are ready, I will let them decide whether they want to continue or change paths). No one NEEDS to know anything about your path. Also, you don't necessarily need to tell your children (at a young age) what your beliefs are. At young ages, children can't be discreet about somethings, and tell everyone everything. My son (who will be three soon) doesn't know I'm a witch, and I won't tell him until I feel he is old enough to be discreet with this information.

Another thing, you really shouldn't be worried about what others say. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. If they don't like what you believe, then that's fine. You're not forcing them to believe in it. Nor are you forcing your children to believe them either. It's not very catholic of the congregation to be so judgemental. Doesn't the bible say "Judge not lest ye be judged"? Jesus hung around so many people who were considered sinners. He never tried to convert them. He just taught them lessons with good meanings. If people chose to follow him, then that was their decision. Just be discreet about your beliefs, and don't really say anything. Like I said. It's none of their business.

Big hugs

Answer 6

Catholic people are messed up. This coming from someone raised Catholic. However, I still believe but I'm just a Christian, plain and simple. I try and stay away from the organized portion of religion. The pastor at my church is just an everyday guy, still a pastor, but he wears jeans like you and me. He relates the bible to our everyday lives and he lets us know that he's not perfect.

Yes, I would be weary about bringing up a child in the Catholic religion, any religion really, that you and your future husband are not totally 100% in agreement with. It will just cause problems in the future and could mess up the kids.

Answer 7

My husband is a christian, and I'm an atheist. He goes to church as he pleases, and I don't. We make it a non-issue. As far as our two kids go, they won't go to church unless they ask. I don't believe in indoctrination. I believe if that's their path, they'll chose it for themselves. I won't force it on them, and I also won't block their way if they want to go to church. They do go occasionally with my husband or my niece. They don't care to go often though. My advice is to sort all of this out just like you're doing prior to getting married. Religion, or the lack thereof, does not have to be an issue as long as you both agree beforehand and respect each other.

Answer 8

My dad is an atheist and my mom is a Muslim. i became raised Muslim. i think of my mothers and fathers dealt with the subject truly nicely and now that i seem decrease back i do no longer think of i became ever indoctrinated. I advise, i became taught to have confidence in Islam, yet i became additionally continually inspired to hit upon my own solutions and my own id. on no account all that "try this or you will burn in hell" crap. and finally I became an atheist and my kinfolk (the two theists and atheists) have been very accepting approximately that. it could have been an identical if I remained a Muslim. the actuality that your fiance is marrying an atheist skill she is fairly open minded and would not choose human beings by way of their faith. this is the main extreme message for the youngsters. they are going to see the two one in all you and study approximately love, tolerance, attractiveness and understand-how. through fact you 2 have diverse ideals, it skill they are going to study to question issues, that's the main extreme count number of all methinks. Now to respond to the truly confusing area of the question, might I comply with this for my babies...this is probable impossible for me to respond to through fact i'm only eighteen, yet whilst i will love a guy or woman sufficient to marry them even with the version of religion, i think of i will boost my babies in accordance to their faith. of course i might have the prefer to be sure that they boost as much as be open minded. superb of success! :)

Answer 9

I was a child with parents in different religions (one of them not attending any church at all.) When I went to church with my father, I heard a lot of bad comments about my mom. Upon meeting my mother for the first time, one girl told me she was nothing like she imagined. She had imagined her as a huge lady with rollers in her hair that did nothing but eat bon-bons all day. So...yeah, your kid might have to deal with that kind of nonsense.

Answer 10

Teach the kids both sides and let them choose when they hit 18. Any choice before that is cohersion.