In the grave by the gate lays a litlle girl 10 years old lost my her mother her fathers heart turned cold the blood in his vines seemed to have froze turn over night as he cut her neck he watched her die her famous last words where "daddy why" as they lay her in the ground her tryed to forget her face but it was to much for one man to take he took his one life later that night and no body knows why the little girl cryed
ok i know its dark but in a way its has the truth
2007-05-22 12:34:15 · 4 answers · asked by lost angel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your words are full of feeling. Pain, sadness, and desperation. Yes, it is dark, and because you seem to be very young, I hurt for you.
I do like your poem, but it would be much better if you were to check your spelling, extra words, and maybe add a little punctuation. Just fixing the spelling and taking out the extra words would make this even more powerful and meaningful than it already is.
If you need a mother's hug, you've got one!
2007-05-22 12:44:28 · answer #1 · answered by frankiquilts 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very, very deep and somewhat dark- and sort of scary too! but as the others said, use the spell check that is on almost every writing program on computers and even some have punctuations help too- and maybe add a line or two more to give it some "body" and you have one extremely good poem!
I hope that this poem isn't based on facts from your own life- and if so then my love & prayers go out to you- I lost my mother when I was 10 and it is very hard for a little girl to understand what death is when so young! You have talent stay with writing if you can!
2007-05-22 17:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is dark... and has a few errors. But makes you feel a bit sad and that, I guess, it is a good thing in a poem, not that it made you feel sad, just that it made you FEEL...
I hope you can post a happy one soon. This one was good : )
2007-05-22 12:41:12 · answer #3 · answered by Karla T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IT IS VERY SAD, AND i DO NOT KNOW IF YOU ARE ADULT , OR ADULT ONLY IN EXPERIENCED YEARS, BUT IF THERE IS REALITY TO THIS AND IT AFFECTS YOU, TELL A MINISTER, OR A COUNSELOR, SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP YOU IF YOU ARE THE CHILD. this MAY BE A POEM, BUT IT SEEMS MORE LIKE A PLEA FOR HELP.
2007-05-22 12:47:30 · answer #4 · answered by linda N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋