I am seeing my ex again and we are in love. I am in college and the other day, I got an email from a guy who asked for my info so we could "study". Here is the email:
Hey, this is John from your ethics philosophy class, we normally sit near each other near the windows, which i must say offer good distracting views if when we inevitably get off topic. I always wanted to chat with you a bit and get to know you better but I never seem to get the chance before or after class. I was wondering if you wanted to get coffee before class so we could get to know each other a little better. Just send me an email or better you could call me and we could set something up. I hope you're having a nice weekend and are getting excited for summer and the awesome weather, I know I am.
I want to be friends, but I sense his interest in me. How can I respond and let him know I want to hang but that I'm not available. Its not like he is straight asking me out. What do I do without presuming or being rude?
2007-05-22 09:37:39 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would just let him know you dont think your BF would like it too much, but you can talk in class...
2007-05-22 09:41:10 · answer #1 · answered by clbowman06 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Kalialani,
The best thing to do is to be straight forward. Tell him you appreciate his interest, perhaps tell him that you are flattered by his interest, and that you are already in love with a different guy and not interested in pursuing anything else.
If you say you are interested in pursuing a friendship, he may develop a crush because he already has an attraction for you, and because in his case, his heart is empty whereas yours is not.
If you truly want to be real friends, and it's not just words to make him feel better, then tell him in no uncertain terms that you truly love the other guy, that nothing is going to happen at any point in time between the two of you, and that it's not because of any problem or shortcoming on his part, and that you simply are already taken. Then, proceed to actually be friends, but don't give him mixed messages.
If you don't actually have a true interest in pursuing a friendship, then simply tell him you are already taken, that you are flattered, and don't build expectations that you'll be spending time as buddies.
Also, if you spend time as buddies one on one, and he has an interest, it may naturally gravitate towards a flirtatious/emotional intimacy that could end up in a disappointment. Don't let this possibility stop a friendship before it's even started, but be aware of it and don't let it grow into a problem that will need to be solved by ending the friendship.
Good luck. I've been on all three ends of this situation, but with women, and it can be awkward.
Kevin
2007-05-22 09:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, isn't 'college john' the charming one?! You have good instincts and it does seem to be a clever means by which to ask you out. You could e-mail him back and tell him that you'd love to, but your boyfriend might find it objectionable if you tried to get to know each other better over coffee. Add that you enjoy him as a classmate in the ethics philosophy class and appreciate the invite. He'll handle it well as he seems pretty savy. He'd probably want his girlfriend to respond the same way. So don't worry so much about rejecting him--he'll probably stick around and play the role of 'friend' instead. You sure you're in love and don't want to explore this though?
2007-05-22 09:45:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, change this to suit your taste... But consider this:
Hey, I'm having a good weekend... Got to go shopping and spend time with my Boyfriend Fred, which is nice after a long week of not seeing him much :). But hey, sure... Let's stop at the starbucks next tuesday and we can chat... I'd be nice to more about you as well...
Hopefully, if you did something like this you would be able to show your interest in becoming friends and getting to know him better as well as informing him that you have a boyfriend (normally, you would talk about that if you were good friends). This way he should get it that you are taken, while leaving that you still want to be freinds with him. Who know's, he may have been one of the genuine good guys that thinks your interesting and just wants to be friends... I've done it myself, so... give it a shot.
2007-05-22 09:49:53 · answer #4 · answered by Rob D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try this. its called the truth. "I have a boyfriend who I am in love with, but if you are honestly interested in being just friends, then try saying hello to me in class".
Just a hint, it is very rare that a straight man really wants to be just friends with an attractive woman that he does not already know. Some men might not actually know this about themselves but it is true. Usually, weak men who are afraid to be upfront with their attraction will play the friend card for years. They will listen to you about your problems with your boyfriend and tell you that you deserve better. They are too much of a pantywaste to be honest with you that they want to hit it. It is pathetic. I would guess that your classmate is not really interested in being friends. Ask your boyfriend about it see what he thinks!
2007-05-22 09:45:55 · answer #5 · answered by miklo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sound enthusiastic in saying that you would love to go get coffee with him, but somewhere in the email mention that you'll have to do it another weekend or something, because you're visiting your boyfriend's parents over the weekend. Just bring it up nonchalantly like an after-thought, but sound sincere in wanting to hang out with him so he doesn't feel like an idiot.
2007-05-22 09:42:50 · answer #6 · answered by Uh Oh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give him a chance!
Why did you break up with your ex in the first place? Must have been a good reason at the time, people don't change that much!
2007-05-22 09:42:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just let him know that you're seeing someone else. The more straightforward you are the more he should respect you.
ps. It sounds like your ethics class is a waste of time considering this is an ethical question.
2007-05-22 09:42:07 · answer #8 · answered by Scheidemann 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is interested in dating, so just tell him that it is not a good time to get into a new relationship right now because you are involved seriously with another man. Tell him you really appreciate his interest and it would still be ok to talk at class to get acquainted.
2007-05-22 09:42:14 · answer #9 · answered by Wolfithius 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Agree to meeting him and the very next opportunity that you have bring up how you are getting back together with your ex and how happy you are with him. He will get the clue and it will no be awkward for either of you.
a
2007-05-22 09:42:19 · answer #10 · answered by curious caucasian 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just say sure and then after u get there talk about yourboyfriend and if he looks suprised ask him if he has a gf . He will get the hint and will only think of u as a friend
2007-05-22 09:42:12 · answer #11 · answered by lynette 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋