my boyfriend asked me to marry him but I'm worried about our future...& we are not financially ready?

Question

I've been w/my bf for 5 years &he flew to see me in the most romantic city on earth while i studied abroad to ask me the big question 1 month ago. i said I would but when we are financally ready &with the condition that he finish college because I am about to finish & he is still way behind me, he's not even sure what he wants to study any more-he's almost a year older than me. He is the sweetest guy and I know he truly loves me but im just worried about how our life will be in the future, I am worried that I will be the one with the career paying the bills... I am always the one that has to be helping him with things such as homework for example, & I am afraid that it would be that way in married life. I haven't worn the ring he gave me b/c he hasn't talked to my parents even though he said he would. (in fact he still has it since he had to make it smaller and it's fixed now) i dont want to end up divorced if i marry him. Has anyone gone through this? if so what advice can u offer?

Answer 1

Nobody really is ever financially ready. The real question would be if your are emotionally ready to take on the financial burden like everyone else has too, to survive. Nobody will ever know that but you with your experiences Hun.

Answer 2

First of all, 23 is WAY too young to even be having serious relationships, let alone considering marriage. Second of all, look at marriage from the perspective of the average guy. What marriage really is, from a legal standpoint, is the official creation of a domestic corporation. All of your assets/possessions are merged into a single entity which is then distributed 50/50 in the event of a divorce. And since divorce rates are passing the 50% mark these days, that's a fairly large risk to take. The real kicker is that in marriage, there is absolutely no benefit gained by the partner who brings in the most income (statistically speaking, usually the man). Plus, the man usually gets to throw the woman a 10k+ party to celebrate her (the wedding). Let's face it, weddings are not designed for guys - they're there to fulfill every woman's childhood dream of being a princess for a day. No average guy is going to say "You know what I'd like to do this weekend? Let's go out dancing! I'll bring the cake!". So, to put this another way, consider this scenerio. Would you roll a dice if you knew that you had more than a 50% chance of losing, and losing involved the forfeit of 50% of your possessions? And winning offered no reward whatsoever? I certainly wouldn't. But if you MUST get married, at least do these two things: 1.) Get a prenump - it's worth every penny. 2.) Wait until you're much older than 23. At 23, you're still figuring out who you are and who you want to be. Marriages that begin that young traditionally are the ones that don't survive in the long haul.

Answer 3

Nothing in life is for sure. It is a Risk. I married my husband even though he was not financially stable. We married becasue we love each other. Life is not a bed of roses...what makes you think that marrying a financially stable guy will make your marriage work? Marriage is about trust and commitment. Dont worry too much. Yuo shuold be sitting down together and talk things over about the future. Communication is very important in any relationship.

Just remember, a rich guy can one day be poor and a poor guy cna be rich.

Answer 4

You could go into pre-marital counseling. You'd have the opportunity to discuss this with a neutral party beforehand, and you could get a plan together to make things work. It would also let both of you know if you should truly be married.