Autophobia -Fear of being alone - How do I overcome this b4 my husbands business trip?

Question

I'm almost 30 years old and happily married, but yet I have this completely irrational fear of being alone in my house. This has caused some problems in the past in my marriage for obvious reasons (I used to get upset if my husband was going to be gone for on the weekends b/c I'd be alone)...I'd have panic attacks and cry and just be plain terrified. I got over the day trip issues by reading a book or by inviting a friend over for a girly movie, and things have been fine for quite some time.
However, a surprize business trip, an overnighter, has come up and my husband will be gone Thursday night. I immediately got angry and told him no, but I told him later that it wasn't him I was mad at, and in fact I wasn't really mad at all, just scared. Even now, thinking of being alone in my house is causing my eyes to burn and my stomach to clinch.
I was left alone a lot as a child, I was the only child of a single mother and she had to work.
Any input as to how to cope on Thursday?

I have two kids, one with autism. We dont' have a big dog and can't get one. I have plenty of fire arms, so that isn't helpful.....Aside from having someone come spend the night, I need ideas.

Answer 1

I have the same fear, and when I think about it a lot, it makes it worse. I haven't been able to figure out a way to stop it, but if I can keep myself from thinking about the fact that I'm alone, I can usually keep myself from starting to panic in the first place. Try to keep yourself busy. Maybe keeping the TV on would help? Watching a funny movie? Spending time baking or doing other activities with your kids? For me the fear is never rational so rationalization never seems to work, but maybe it would work for you. If you start to panic, you should try to tell yourself that you're completely safe, and that what you're afraid of won't happen. I'll be honest, it doesn't work for me, but it might work for you. The only thing that works for me is keeping myself from panicking in the first place, or MAYBE calling somebody up if I'm really freaking out.

Answer 2

Same hotel, or same room? Either way, you're building this up in your head. Making a mountain out of a mole hill. Do you have any reason what so ever to make you think he will cheat? Doesn't osund like it. Oh and he didn't mention it before, Not becasue he's trying to hide something, butbecasue it is a fact that is irrelivent to his bussiness trip. Even if he did mentione it before, would that put your mind at ease or even prove taht he won't cheat? NO. He could have told you she was going right from the get go and you'd stil be insecure and peeved about it becasue she's going. And he can still cheat if he wanted to. You're making too much out of this. If you don't trust your guy, then it doesn't matter if he told you or didn't tell you. You're always gonig to think he's cheating anyway, so what difference does it make if he did tell you?

Answer 3

This is the problem with phobias - you can keep finding ways to avoid them but eventually they'll come and bite you in the bum.

Getting people to stay over with you is only a way of avoiding the problem. Don't you want to be free of it? I don't know what to do about your immediate problem of your husband going away, but I think you should get some counselling so you can get to the source of this problem and kick its ***. Otherwise you're just going to keep coming up against this problem for the rest of your life!

Don't let social phobias dictate how you live your life. I used to have problems staying away from home, even with friends or family, and I couldn't go out at all with people I didn't know really well. I also had a friend who couldn't face social situations at all. We both got counselling, at separate times, and it took a few months but it helped us help ourselves. Don't be embarassed to go to someone and say 'I've got this major problem I need sorting out because it's messing up my life'. It turned out I hadn't had some major trauma in my past that had upset me or anything, I had just grown a warped way of seeing things and needed to untangle it. It's not a problem that's completely gone away because it's just how I am, but at least I can act like a normal human being in social situations now.

If I was you I'd make sure this was the last time you let this problem upset you like this!

Chalice

Answer 4

Separation anxiety....It's not the fear of being alone you're experiencing, You'll have 2 kids in the house. And if they don't keep you busy.....you have great kids.

Anyhoo, try breathing exercises.

Theres the imaginary box exercise

Close your eyes, Breath in for 5 seconds while drawing the top of the box with your finger (in the air) Exhale for 5 seconds drawing the side of the box with your finger. repeat this exercise til the box is complete. Repeat if necessary.

Use this exercise when you feel the anxiety come on.

I used to make fun of this method, I'd ask my professor "is this method really successful?" but I tried it one time during a very rough situation and it really helped

Answer 5

Well, yyou try calling a doctor, but yoou dont eant to get too involved do you? Well I have been deathly afraiidbbof being alone since I was nine, and I coped with it by knoowing that there will always be a better day tomorrow.

Answer 6

Take on some new hobbys or tackle a new home improvement job on your own.
Try painting the walls in your home, cleaning out your closets, etc. It's kind of nice to have some alone time and get creative.

Answer 7

What is it exactly that you fear? I think you need to look at that before you go any farther. Are they rational fears? What is the likelihood that these things could happen? Do you have neighbors who are close by that you could go to if you needed them? Concentrate on making yourself feel secure and go on with your life. You are jeopardizing your relationship with your husband, and also crippling yourself. Approach this rationally and come up with a plan.

Answer 8

Autophobic

Answer 9

I live with the same fear everyday of my life and the only tried and true thing that relaxes me is imagining that God is holding me in his hands, and that I am safe. I convince my self of this and things are fine. Hope this will help you.

Answer 10

explain your situation to a friend and ask her to spend the night.