What should I do? I'm ready to die here in pain :( Please help me?

Question

I have been with this guy for a couple months now and everything is great. He loves me and I am MADLY in love with him. The thing is, I never expected things to get this serious. It is a very long distance relationship...so I never told him the *full* truth about me. He thinks I come from a normal family, as in boyfriends are "acceptable" My culture is the complete opposite. I have never told him this, and I know it is too late to hurt him now. I just dont know what to do. He basically told me he wants to marry me, his friends tell me Im all he ever talks about....and gosh, he just loves me way too much (as I do love him too much too). I know this relationship will never work out because I cannot hurt my family...I cannot just "run off" with him, because believe me, my parents will die from shame. I know you guys probably have a hard time understanfing this, but I am in a horrible mess. Strict conservative parents with a very liberal daughter. If I love someone, I know I will hurt

them in the long run. I want this guy so badly, but I know I will have to end this relationship sooner than later because we keep falling for each other more and more each day. I am forced to pick between true love and my family, and let me tell you, it is breaking me apart. I have cried and cried for 3 days now...I cry myself to sleep because I do not know what I can do. I just need some help...some guidance. Sadly I cannot turn to my family because I know I wil hurt them. They have no idea that I have a boyfriend....and my b/f has no idea how strict my family is.

Please please please someone just tell me any way I can end this. I hate my life, I really do. Sometimes I think suicide is really the best way out...I just cant take it anymore :(

Answer 1

This is only first of many conflicts with your family you will have, once you have left the box this way, you will never return. Suppose you give this man up now, is it possible your parents will arrange a marriage for you, will you want to go along just to keep the peace, sleep with this man, bear his children, live your life out, all to keep your parents happy?
I am a parent and a grandmother, my children are good productive children but they haven't always done exactly what I wanted for them, but I have never even considered dying from shame, thats nonsense, even if they disown you it would be from their foolish pride, not shame. Marriage is an honorable thing, if your boyfriend speaks to your father that is proper. He may not be of your religion or background, but your father cannot be shamed by such a thing.
The true point here is that you will at some time have to make the decision to be something your are not and live by your parents rules, or you will follow your heart and ask your parents to be understanding and see if you can work things out. If they choose to turn their backs on you, it is their loss, and it will be sad, but to live your life with a mask on is much harder.

Answer 2

Hey sweetie, I know at times that having very strict parents is very hard but if you love this guy as much as you say you do then I would sit down with your parents, is there an aunt or uncle or brother or sister that can help you talk with them? Is there a reason why your parents won't like this guy? Your parents love you unconditionally and no matter what happens I am sure that they will understand. Maybe they think that nobody is good enough for their little girl, by the way how old are you? Maybe they will think you are way to young to get married. But you will never know until you talk to them. If you can't then you have to keep hiding this relationship and that's not fair to your boyfriend. Try talking to your boyfriend as well tell him that your parents are really really strict and you don't know how to tell them that you have a boyfriend maybe you and him can talk to your parents. I hope this helps and suicide isn't the answer to anything there are far worse things in life then this.

Answer 3

Don't pick your love.... Trust me, I almost made that mistake and whoo thank God that God saved me. I was in love with this guy and he promised me everything saying he wants to promise me as well... But out of nowhere, he just completely changed... I'm just glad really glad because I was about to rebel on my family and just be with him. Can you honestly imagine how it would be if I did that and then he changed after that? I wouldn't be able to go back to my family and no one either. But I thank God that he changed before I made the decision. Here I am, I'm gonna tell you, don't give up your family for him because you don't know what he's capable of.... Things may seem like you're in love and whatever, I was that way too, I thought he was the perfect guy it was like about one year and a half, but then he turned into some psycho bipolar jerk bastard in a day, so don't you leave your family for a guy that you don't even know that he will stay forever. Don't say you do, because I've been saying the same thing and I was proven wrong. I'm just warning you and I do understand you because I was in the same position you are and I'm just telling you that it's not worth losing your family because they will be there no matter what, while he one day will not care about you and leave you. God bless.

Answer 4

I know it might seem like your world is about to end but its really not that bad sweetie first tell your boyfriend the truth! Tell him it hurt you to keep this from him and that this is the only thing you have ever kept from him! Explain to him how much you honor your family and how you don't want to do anything that will upset your parents if he loves you like he says he does he'll be upset at first but he'll get over it! Second talk to your mom and tell her that you never been afraid to talk to her until now and tell her that you met someone, explain that you have not done anything they would be a shamed of except talk ( even if you have they don't need to know that ) tell your mom that he wants to ask permission to court you and if your boyfriend really cares he'll go to your house and sit down for dinner with your parents! Your parents in the long run want the best for you and it will make them more angry to find out you had a boyfriend and kept it from them! If all goes well you be able to see this boy with supervised dates or group outings just take the first step!

Answer 5

That is a very rough situation to say the least. Depending on your age and where you live has so much to do with your choices. I think first of all, before you do anything with your family, is come clean with him first. If he totally loses it, then it isn't worth it in the first place and no harm done with your family. If he can get over your "fantasy world" you have created with him, and is willing to deal with your family issues, then see what you can work out together. If you are truly both that much in love, you can make it work. Your family loves you and neither of you want to willingly hurt the other as families go. There is a way and you will find it if it's meant to be. But be honest with him first. He deserves that much from you. Good luck to you both....

Answer 6

I think I can guess which culture you're coming from.

My first advice will be to stop reading to Mills and Boons, stop taking those "Is This True Love" quiz you get on those chic-zines and stop watching Bollywood too much.

Calling someone a true love without having experienced fighting with him, living with him and being physically around him is naive. You don't know what each other is like in time of crisis. You don't know his lifestyle. All you know is your professed love to each other...in words. And words are words.

Going through life, you will loved and be loved, and you will lost. Your culture doesn't help situation gets easier, I know. But losing one love is not the end of life.

Culture or not, you're not having realistic expectations of love. Quit thinking in fairytales love-ever-after term and you will find out the solution to this problem.

Believe me, your parents are the LEAST of your problems. Your mindset is. While I understand this is culture conditioning on your part, it's time you open your eyes now.

Answer 7

My heart goes out to you. And please: suicide is not an option! If you do seriously consider that or obsess about it, please promise me you will call a suicide hot line. Here is a site where you can look up the hot line number by state: http://suicidehotlines.com/.
I don't know what culture your family is, but I suggest you find groups in your area relating to your culture that have people in your age group. Maybe they have a support group that you can get together with and discuss this. There might even be others with your same problem. Start out with your church, and even look up info on Google, Yahoo, or Ask.com.
If you have health insurance or can afford it, make an appointment with a therapist in another town. You don't have to let your parents know. This person can help you sort through your feelings and come up with a strategy.
Please be happy that in this world you found a good person who loves you, and who you love. You are blessed. Hopefully, with these suggestions you can find a way to be with him and to be at peace with your family, too.

Answer 8

I know how hard it can be to choose between your family and the one you love. Your choice in this matter depends on a few things. Your age, your religious beliefs and maybe the most important of all, do you think your love will last? Parents such as your own can be very stubborn and narrow minded. I suggest you speak to your boyfriend. Trust me, love is very understanding. Explain to him the situation, stating that you do want to be with him but you're not sure how. He might be able to help you come up with some suggestions. Trust in love, it always finds a way.

Answer 9

you're going to have to come clean, either with your parents or to the guy. And talking about marriage when you have not met in person is very premature. You'll have to do some thinking. Is it this guy you love or the thought of being in love and breaking your cultural traditions? The guy may be hurt by all of this, but if he truly loves you, he'll let you go for now. By the way, your parents will not die of shame. They may be very angry at you, but I guarantee they won't die.

Answer 10

Tell him that although you love him MADLY your family may not understand and that they are very strict and would be very upset if you married him even though you want to marry him. Have him help you work it out.(this is just a thought but maybe he could fly to where you live you bump into him as if you are meeting him for the first time then "start" dating so you're family will get to know him first) p.s. if he really loves you he won't care you have a strict family.