Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and it's been a pretty rocky road. He is older than me, im 22 and he's 35. I thought that getting together with someone older would be healthy for me. He is just angry all of the time about the fact that he's stuck in a dead end job and his life isnt going the way he wants. Im afraid that he might be holding me back but i love him and dont want to make a mistake by throwing this relationship away. Im so confused and miserable. I am also living in a state that i do NOT want to live in just for him.
2007-05-22 06:45:39 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Whether to end it or not is of course your call, and impossible for anyway to answer. But it does sound like you're bending backwards for him and he isn't appreciative of the things he has (YOU!).
I would suggest taking time apart. If he wants and deserves you, HE will chase you. If he doesn't, it isn't mutual love.
2007-05-22 06:50:14 · answer #1 · answered by rastabeenz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are unhappy now - it wont get any better if you stick it out. It seems to me that you already know this or you wouldn't be asking the question.
In the future, don't look for a love interest just because he is "older" - look for a love interest that you have things in common with, a person that makes you feel good about yourself.
With a 13 year difference in the age of you and your current boyfriend, you can almost bet that there would be problems. You are both in a different place in life, have had different experiences and have different needs. At 22 you still have a lot of growing and discovering of who you are. Don't be defined by someone who already knows who he is and is unhappy about it. Most 35 year old men are already settled into who and how they are going to be - there is no changing them. Is he holding you back? Of course he is! You are on different pages of the same book.
Find someone you can grow with! Life is too short and you are too young to waste time trying to make a miserable person happy. This is not the man for you - RUN!
2007-05-22 06:58:52 · answer #2 · answered by Momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has his attitude change been recent or is it ongoing?
Is his dead-end job the only job he can have given his situation, or could he pursue something more fulfilling if he changed careers?
If it's recent and there's hope for him to find something rewarding, you might have a case for sticking it out, but I would at least talk to him about the anger and his job frustrations affecting you and make sure he starts moving in the right direction on both fronts.
If his anger has been ongoing or if his job is his only option, OR if he's ever been physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive towards you, you probably want to call it quits. It's a sign that those are his personality characteristics and you definitely don't want to subject yourself to him. Abusive people tend to also be manipulative, so there's a good chance that if he is abusive in any way, he will end up holding you back.
Ultimately you need to find a relationship where you're happy more often than not. Doesn't have to be all the time, but you definitely want to feel like you're in the right place most of the time. If he can't offer that to you, someone else can't. Don't feel like it's this or nothing -- there are lots of great guys out there.
2007-05-22 06:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by some girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm, when your 32 he will be 45, so when your into your prime he will be past his prime.
I think you should look for someone nearer your age.
nevertheless, if you do love each other age really doesnt matter. You should help him motivate himself to change his job if thats what makes him unhappy. Nobody can hold you back if you dont want that yourself. So no he is not holdin gyou back, you chose to be held back.
You have to make the choice between being confused and miserable, and going ahead and living your life the way that makes you happy. Its your call.
If you are married then the entire equation changes. Then you have to accomodate each other. But you also have to make sure the other one is happy with the circumstances.
Best Of Luck! God Bless you and hopr your problems and dilemmas go away.
2007-05-22 06:54:07 · answer #4 · answered by brian p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I find myself in the same situation. I am 20, he is 25. He has a 5 year-old son, he is always mad about not having money, even though he has a decent paying job(he blows it on his son everytime he has him, which I can understand). He is always mad in general. I find myself asking myself "What the heck are you doing with someone who you can go no where with?" He won't move (his son), he won't change ( I have to), it's just really hard with him. In your situation, there isn't as much baggage. It should be easier to talk to him about how you feel. If he is saying that his life isn't going the way he wants, then why doesn't he changes it. Ask him what he wants his life to be like. If you are the first thing on his list, then definetly stay. If he doesn't even mention you, GO! He is at a point in his life where he has to make decisions on who he wants to spend his life with. He isn't getting any younger, neither are you. Im sure that you are coming to the point where you want to possibly settle down, get married, start a family in the near future. Talk to him about it, he should understand if he loves you and is willing to do anything for you. Just stick with it, good luck.
2007-05-22 06:55:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to hit the road... Why do all these women think that getting together with a SINGLE man that age would be better? I mean honestly, lets think about this, obviously they fu.cked something up and don't know how to handle a relationship.... because they are that old and Single.... or they just don't ever want anything serious and like you said, work at a dead end job and be depressed about their lives and go to a bar and hit on 22 year olds LOL.... your a sucker in my opinion... but like as.sholes everyone has an opinion
2007-05-22 06:51:12 · answer #6 · answered by Deformation Age 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are really unhappy then you should talk to your boyfriend and just let things go. even though you do love him, if the both of you are unhappy like this and hes dragging you down with him..then eventually how are things going to work out? butttt, there must be a reason why you stuck with him so long. so if you think he is worth it...then just tell him how you feel and see if you guys can work it out. & it seems you already sacrificed alot for him..living in another state for him. if you think that this relationship so far has been worth it..even through all the bad times..then just hold on a little longer. but, he has to understand that you are young and your happiness matters too. if i were you, i would talk to my boyfriend first...see what hes thinking and work something out. you can't let someone hold you back all the time and he should understand that if he loves you. you just got to ask yourself if this relationship is going to be worth it in the end.
2007-05-22 06:58:55 · answer #7 · answered by j yanks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, I hate to be negative, but I would take a break from him and see how things go. You don't have to cut him out of your life completely or forever. But maybe you should move back to where you want to be and do what you think you should be doing with your life. If you and he are supposed to be together, things will work themselves out. Love does take work, but at the same time, you can't force it. I would really put some thought and prayer into what would be best for both of you and then do it, not matter how hard. Good luck!
2007-05-22 06:50:03 · answer #8 · answered by momof2bru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out while you can, he is holding you back. your young and an older guy is one thing but he is too old for you. Go and find yourself someone around your age or a little bit older. My husband is 7 years younger than i am. We get along great and have plenty to talk about. We also love the same things. But i wasn't looking for someone younger I was looking for the older man. I thought older was better, boy was I wrong!!!
Good luck in your search and if worst comes to worst you would probably be happier by yourself!
2007-05-22 06:53:53 · answer #9 · answered by gigglez 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I was in a relationship where I questioned whether or not I was HIS true love, I don't think I'd want to be there. I'm sure I could find another man to love but, I couldn't stand to be in a relationship with someone who was angry all the time, it would bring me down terribly. Not a great way to live your life. Maybe when he gets to where he needs to be, he'll want you back in his life, but until then, I think I'd move on and live my life with someone who makes me happy.
2007-05-22 06:51:59 · answer #10 · answered by Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one. I can understand about the dating someone older as I'm dating a 34 year old and I'm 23.
But i digress, if you truly feel he is holding you back, he's angry all the time and that you are living somewhere you don't want to then it's not worth sacrificing your happiness for him.
believe me you need to be happy for yourself. If you are constantly sacrificing your happiness for him you will feel suffocated and i'm not wondering if you already do.
You need to sit down and weigh out the pros and cons of this relationship. Be honest with yourself if it looks like this is just to much giving on your part and not much on his, or that you see you are really not truly happy with yoru life then it's time to go.
You are still young and can find another guy who will better suite you and and who you will feel is not holding you back.
take care
2007-05-22 06:54:08 · answer #11 · answered by *Sbaby* 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋