What is more important getting married in the court or by the church and all that stuff?

Question

Some of my freinds and family are upset at the fact that i did not invite them to a dinner that I had with my immediate family after getting married in city hall. Now we got married in city hall because we did not have enough money or time to get married by the church and have a big wedding. We are still planning the $15,000 wedding lol. But we got married in city hall more for us not for my freinds or family. I explained to them that i got married in the court but not in the church (my family is really religious) so it is more important to them i thought to get married in the church and to invite everyone then. More so my freinds are the ones more upset because they wanted to be there for me to get married. But i keep tryign to tell them i am geting married in city hall for just me and him it is our thign for ourselves. Basically the whole hoopla later with the big wedding is for everyone else and for religious reasons. Do you think that should be feeling that upset over it???

I think i should be more specific with my question. What is more important to invite your family and freinds too: City hall ceremony or Church/reception Ceremony. I know i am legally married and i love it and like i said it was for me and him no one else. Also the other factor is that my family is really religous so until i get married in the church they dont see it complte. Then my freinds side looking at it as i don't want to include them on my "special day" when all i am thinkign si that that day was special for me and him and no on else and i liked it like that.. even though i do love my freinds and my famiyl andi rather them be there for my big wedding and in the church.

Answer 1

Sweetie, you should feel lucky you have such good friends and family who wanted to be there on your big day even if it was in front of a judge and not a preacher. Most friends would judge you. Instead, you have friends who were actually disappointed to not be included. It seems you underestimated how much these people wanted to be there to help celebrate such an important day. I would simply apologize to each of them and explain that you didn't think of inviting everyone in your life since you planned on having the big wedding later. Tell them how much you appreciate them wanting to be there for you and that you can't wait to have them with you when you have the BIG wedding. :) Just focus on the positive honey and make them feel important in your life. That's all they want - is to feel important to you. When you didn't include them, it made them feel like they weren't valued in your life. Goodluck and I hope this helped.

Answer 2

People are used to the traditional order of things - wedding ceremony, followed by a reception, and everyone attending both. People want to be there for the "official" moment that you are married - and to your friends and extended family, they've missed that moment because you didn't invite them.

Explain to them, as you may have already done, that you and your husband had your own personal reasons for completing the legal aspects of marriage at an early date, but that the "big wedding" is soon to come and means just as much, if not more than, the legal part. Let them know that they are all very important to you as a couple, and that you want very much for them to share in your special celebration. Many couples prefer an intimate setting for their marriage - some choose a chapel in Vegas, others choose a small audience with a judge - but either way, that should not take away from your desire to share with friends and family. Tell them how excited you are to have this "big wedding" - and how much less pressure you feel in planning it than many other brides feel! - and hopefully they'll all come around when they see how much fun the day will be! Good luck.

Answer 3

First off why spend so much on a wedding it is one day and that money could be for a great honeymoon as well as a downpayment on a house. I spent roughly 3,000 dollars in canadian funds or less for my wedding it was a small intimate wedding with around 50-60 people. Instead of a big meal consider having a bunch of finger foods and alot of desserts. These make it easier for people to mingle and such rather then sitting down to a big meal.

I think that alot of people go overboard on the wedding reception yes it is an important day but really why spend so much money just to waste it on food and alcohol.

My wife's family also made the notion that instead of people giving a bunch of useless clutter why not help send us on a honeymoon this worked out great we saved like 3,000 dollars and got a beautiful trip to Puerto Vallarta for a week.

It is usually customary for the brides parents and the grooms parents to pay for the wedding so why did you not get help from them?.

I think you should have just waited to begin with and do it the right way first then you would not be dealing with all this crap now.

Congratulations and God Bless!

Answer 4

I think your friends are being ridiculous. You've already told them the marriage at the courthouse was for you and your husband and the wedding ceremony will be the time you invite family and friends. It continues to amaze me how many people think a wedding is for them. It has and always will be for the bride and groom and no one else. The fact that you have decided to have a church wedding should be enuf for them. As to the legal aspects, once the marriage license is signed the marriage is legal, doesnt matter whether in a courthouse, church, garden or where. Congrats on your marriage.

Answer 5

I think you should do what you want. I would not focus on what your friends want because it sounds like they just want to party.

I got married through the church (I am Catholic). I had a big wedding and all, but at the end of the day, your married either way. I wanted to get married though the Church because I am very religious and I wanted that blessing.

In summary, if you get married though the Church, do it for yourself and your beliefs, not for anyone else. I think it is a special ceremony that should be valued.

Answer 6

I dont think there is anything wrong with that. I personally had a big wedding with about 200 people present, I have to tell you that im not one to be the center of attention to begin with, my wedding was alot of stress. If i could of i would of loved to have a small ceromony with my closests friends and family, but, my dad insisted on me having a church wedding, with alot more then 20 ppl. All that really matters is that you are married to the one you love. And no matter where you get married, god is your witness. He was there whether it be at the church or at a court house.

Answer 7

They're more upset because as a society we tend to say that weddings are about sharing our love and relationship and happiness with those closest to us. Not inviting people or having a ceremony, if those people admit it or not, probably feels like saying they aren't on you're closest friends list.

Each set of people is different, each couple is different. For us, the church wedding and ceremony was more important because it was formalizing how we already felt and it meant that my mother-in-law wouldn't freak out when we moved in together. We didn't mind the legal stuff that came along with it, but I wouldn't have cared if we couldn't have done that.

The wedding itself is an event, it's like a birthday party. Birthday parties aren't about the person, they're about that person sharing their happiness. You couldn't afford to do that, which doesn't mean that you didn't want to. Explain that to them, and make sure they know you think they're important to you. Maybe invite groups to smaller dinner parties to celebrate your housewarming instead?

(Also, I hate huge weddings. I got married for less than $500).

Answer 8

The MARRIAGE is more important then the wedding. The wedding is only one day. The Marriage is (hopefully) forever. How cares how it happens as long as it does??
The whole thing is happening for you and your new hubby, not friends or family. They need to get over it. If they want to be there for you they would just shut up and be happy for you instead of getting all upset about what they wanted. It's your wedding and your life, not thiers. My hubby and I got married in our living room with one witness, and everyone threw a fit!! So I understand how you feel. Congrats though..

Answer 9

Church or courthouse, you're just as married. A big wedding is a lot of stress and expense. I like the idea (personally) of just getting married in a small, civil ceremony, then throwing a big reception/party for family and friends to share in the joy of the union. The whole thing can be more relaxed, more fun, and as formal or informal as you desire it to be....and on a date that'll work well for everyone you want to include.

Congrats!

Answer 10

I am a spiritual person and think getting married in church is more appropriate than getting married in a court. Having said that, this is your wedding and why these people are focusing all their energy on where you got married, rather than on the fact that you are and in helping you celebrate this seems pretty petty and self-centered to me.

Don't worry what these people think. It's your wedding after all. You can always decide later to renew your vows in church, should God ever lead you to want to do that.