Why do people say u have to be married b4 u have kids!?

Question

I ask alot of questions on here about pregnancy and people always say i should get married first i understand peoples belieifs and i do not dis-respect it but does any body think it would be nice for your baby you and your partner all being at the alter as a family toghter?
I mean no harm i would just like suggestions on this :)

Answer 1

i have been with my wonderful man for 8 years and we are due to have our 3rd baby in a few weeks. we are engaged and have been for years and oneday will get married. i beleive having children is a bigger commitment than marriage, its alot easier to get rid of your husband than to get rid of your kids. i dont believe a peice of paper with a signature changes anything. times have changed and i dont consider my boys to be bastards. just think i will have three boys at my wedding with me, 4 if you include my man.LOL. perhaps traditions in australia are different. do what makes you happy.

Answer 2

As a photographer who has done several weddings, the couple getting married can of course plan any type of ceremony that they choose. If the couple had a baby and decided to include it in the ceremony, I am sure that it could be arranged some how. People often use older children as ring bearers or flower girls.

As a mother and grandmother, and one who has also been divorce, I would say the following. Todays life is hard enough for a baby and a young couple to survive together. That baby needs 2 parents for emotional, financial, and many other reason. It's basic survival. People change over time, and the one that you may be madly in love with today, may turn into a frog in a few years, but that baby is still there.

All couples have ups and downs since no two people will ever agree on everything at all times. But most places do not allow quick divorces for a reason. They cause a married couple to take time apart which can allow time to think. This is the main difference between being married and not being married as far as I am concerned. Getting out of a marriage tends to be more difficult than just walking away from a relationship. It definitely is something to think about. Don't you think?

Answer 3

You realize after you have a baby how hard it it can be, it's wonderful as well, but there are moments when I wish there were five of me. I have so much respect for single moms. I have my husband at the end of the day and on the weekends to help me out, take a shower, clean, run to the store w/out having to pack the baby. I've noticed with a couple of friends who got pregnant with their boyfriends that it can make things a little more complicated. Marriage somewhat solidifies the relationship. Although divorce is much easier than it ever used to be, it is still much easier to leave a boyfriend or girlfriend, there are no legal obligations. Then you have the issue of parental rights and it can become a huge mess. Babies put alot of stress on a relationship. Not that being married necessarily means that the relationship is stronger than if not, in some respect it is just a piece of paper, but either way, each partner has to be fully dedicated to one another because the baby changes the relationship in a big way. Marriage shows willingness to stay dedicated to the relationship even when things get hard, ie childbirth and children. That's just my input on it.

Answer 4

Having a baby changes your life. There is so much work that goes into raising a child. Doing it by yourself can be done... but it's hard!!!

Getting married prior to having children allows you and your partner to establish a relationship that will thrive during the stress of raising a family. Having children is definitely not all fun and games. It can cause a detrimental effect on your relationship with your partner.

On the other side, let's say things don't work out with your partner. You have limited legal rights. Have you ever watched Judge Judy when there is a couple that was "shacking up". You share expenses when you live together and if your putting things on your credit card, they are not necessarily split with your partner upon a break up. Being married gives you that added assurance that at least you would walk away with half.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

Anyone who tells you that you "have" to be married has absolutely no idea of what causes babies. The act of sexual intercourse has nothing to do with marriage (in case you don't know, sexual intercourse and normal biology is what causes babies).

On the other hand, those who tell you that you "should" be married before you have kids are absolutely correct. A stable home life is crucial to children. Saturday nights at a Motel6 don't constitute a stable home life. You may think that simply living together will qualify but there is nothing binding about it. Guys frequently live with women to get the milk without buying the cow. If the cow goes dry, they look for another utter. Women live with a man for the meal ticket it provides. If a nicer ticket comes along they can disappear and frequently do. In short there is nothing to bind roommates with benefits. That relationship can end with an action as simple as walking out the door.

You probably didn't want to hear that but you asked and I answered.

Good luck, I hope you can hold on to your roommate long enough for the three or four or five of you can make it to the alter.

Answer 6

Look being married and having a family go together. A child needs a father and a mother and to know that they were wanted. It doesnt always work out but most of the single parents out there will tell you that they wished they were married. To have two adults to raise the child eases the load.
Most of the time its best if the baby isn't here yet to attend the wedding because it takes some time to establish a good marriage and its better when children come a little later.

Answer 7

As a pastor I have had the honor or performing several marriages where the family is a family first and all participate in some way in the ceremony.
I also see the side of life where a man and woman have children and it is so easy for the relationship to break up leaving mother, children and father split apart. In my little neck of the woods we have a population where 53% of the children in school are from a single parent family. This cause's stress on the parent to provide financially, share time with the Children and be a disciplinary figure and not a friend.
Set aside my spiritual beliefs, children outside of wedlock are usually not a good idea.
A good place to find statistics on this is ask geeves.

Answer 8

It comes down to the morals and values you want to instill in your children. I have a 15 month old daughter and it was very important to me to be married before having a child. The reason is that I want to teach my daughter that the highest level of commitment is needed between 2 people before taking on the responsibility of creating and raising a life together. If you have a child out of wedlock, you're either going to appear to be a hypocrite, or you're going to teach your child it's alright to have sex out of wedlock and it's not a big deal to have a child without a full commitment of two loving parents. If you're both committed to raising a child together, then you should have no problem standing up in front of all your family, friends, and loved ones to declare your love and lifelong commitment to each other. If you don't share a lifelong commitment, you should not bring a child in the world together.
If you don't have a lifelong commitment of marraige, you incur a much higher risk of becoming a single parent if things get tough. And I'm not blind to the divorce rate, but if you were to get divorced (a bad idea for the reasons below) at least you'll get some financial support. Being a single parent is VERY HARD, not worth the risk, and is simply a bad idea. When you run out of patience, who is there to take over? Or do you lose patience on your child? Who raises your child? Do you collect welfare and drain the system? Do you work? Are your values being instilled in your child while you're away at work? Is your babysitter smacking the kid because they don't care as much as you and it's hard work taking care of a child? Who will provide a respected male perspective of things and serve as a male role model for that child? Girls and boys both need a male role model to teach them how to be a man and what a good man is. Is the next guy you shack up with going to be their role model if this guy leaves?

Sorry if I'm rambling a bit, but I hope you make the right decision about this one and do your best to secure the best life for YOUR child that you possibly can... that's really who all of this is about. Good luck!

Answer 9

If you cannot commit to your partner and get married, how can you honestly make a commitment to a child as a family? I am not saying it doesn't work, I know several people who had children together and are unmarried. My personal belief is that when you bring a child into this world you are obligated to give it the most stable home within your capability. Married parents give that child emotional stability, and also show the child how to maintain relationships of their own.

Answer 10

A relationship needs a lot of stablity to go though the process of having and raising a child. Some people can reach this with out getting married, because really, its just a ceremony. You already decided to spend the rest of you lives together when you got engaged. For somepeople a wedding thought is the most important part of a relationship, and you wouldn't survive without it.

Answer 11

I think the most important reason to be married before you have children is that marriage is truly a committed relationship. When you are not married to someone, it's very easy for your partner to just walk out of the relationship one day. Of course, those who are married do end up getting divorced, but most people think long and hard before walking out of a marriage. The baby is more likely to have both parents in his life for the long term if they are married.