Engaged And Underage.... Is It Because Of No Sex Before Marriage?

Question

My youngest was watching MTV's Engaged and Underaged and it grabbed my attention. On the show, both kids are still in their teens, still living at home with their parents and earn minimum wage, no college yet.

They seemed so immature! The girl was so spoiled and sheltered and the boy was....well, in no way ready to handle a woman's emotions yet. The girl's mother was very skeptical of the marriage (I would be too) and asked,
"Are you SURE it isn't just because you want to have sex?"
Then I realized they were born again Christians and that means no sex before marriage.

Are younger ages for marriages typical of young Christians raised not to have sex before marriage?

Do they tend to marry the first person they fall in love with because it is the only way they can explore a sexual relationship?

Our divorce rates are already very high, do you think these young marriages will stand up over time, in our present day?

Serious answers only. No cut and pastes please.

I just wanted to add my nan and grand dad got married at 19. But back then, almost 60 years ago, you were truly an adult at 19, and could earn enough money to move out and support a family. In addition, our expectations in life were far simplier. Women in particular expected far less of themselves, their men and their life. I remember my nan telling me she never had an orgasm EVER with my gramps, until well into their marriage when she began reading up on it and explored it on her own.

Not today! Modern women, expect satisfaction in EVERY area of life. We know a lot more. We put up with a lot less. Also personal happiness and fulfillment has become so important to men and women these days. We embrace our changing outlooks and ambitions etc.

So compatibility is a MUST! How can you ensure lasting compatibility if you cannot date until you find the right person?

Answer 1

No... it's because of "no self control before marriage".

I stayed a virgin just fine before marriage, and I have no psychological problems. I mean damm! I'm Chuck freaking Norris!

Answer 2

That is just bad choices on the part of the parents to allow it. I will agree that it is very difficult in this sexualized society to remain pure, but it is very possible if you take the proper precautions.

I go to a church that mostly everyone waits until the alter for their first kiss, they remain pure completely. Most of us are getting married closer to age 30. The young men are put through a gauntlet by the girl's father before they can even ask the girl. They must prove they are ready to support a family. When the father is convinced this is a worthy suitor, the guy may then approach the girl and ask to court her.

In order to make this work, everyone has to hold a standard. I think we mostly hang out in our own community, so all the young people know what the standard is. I have seen people slip and fall, but the majority are actually successful at waiting. So, no, in my experience, young marriages in Christian circles are not common. You're right, they're not really ready and divorce is not an option, so we'd better be wise about this.

Answer 3

I think that these kids do get married underage because they want to have sex. I'm not sure that younger people that are Christians typically get married early. I think some, probably few do wait until they are older. Most Christians believe that the person they marry is the person they will spend the rest of their life with, so I'm sure that they think things through some of the time. But the other times when they don't think it through is probably so they can have sex. Divorce rates are high and I don't think that young marriages let alone any other marriage can stand up for long amounts of time.

Answer 4

Isn't that show fascinating? Well this is no new thing to me, I live in the American South after all. It is a cultural thing, people just get married. My parents did it, I did it, we all do it. Do I think they will have a successful marriage? I doubt it. It takes maturity and few people of any age have that. I am on my second marriage. My first was at 18 with a divorce at 27. My second was at age 44. I learned the hard way that marriage wasn't the answer to everything. I stepped out of my culture. In a big way. I suppose I am not shocked at Christians because I am so used to it. That is just how they are...

Answer 5

I was married at 17 (which was 27 yrs ago). I was in no way prepared to handle a young woman (18) and the financial responsibilities of a home. The marriage ended miserably.

My step-daughter married at 18 to a 20 yr old, with whom she has a child. She, too, is miserable because in spite of his good intentions he cannot stay focused. As I'm sure you know, once you have a child there are a lot of things you must do that are not about you anymore. It has to be about the baby and the marriage.

She could have gotten an abortion, stayed in school and finished her schalarship in music, but because I am Pagan I do not believe in abortion. So, now she's serving pizzas in a fast-food joint while her inexpereinced and undertrained husband works labor jobs in the hope of learning a trade, unless of course he becomes distracted again and decides he's "too good" to keep his nose to the grindstone.

You can try to counsel your child about sex. But since it is everything in the media and culture of America, they often dismiss what a parent says as outdated, out of touch. In addition to this, it seems we do not raise children to be adults today. We raise them to be children until a magical birthday comes and they are expected to know everything and assume the mantle of responsibility. By prolonging childhood, it seems a young person will do anything to assert the enterance into adulthood that Nature is guiding them to, while parents try to deny this reality.

It is a sad state of affairs. Parents must accept the fact that their children are going to grow up a lot faster than desired. A young man should be exposed to a trade by the age of 15. Even if he stays in school, and he should, he'll know what it means to work and will have a skill to fall back on if need be. A young woman should equally be trained, especially to know what it's like to run the household. (In accordance with my religious tradidtion, the home "belongs" to the woman. It is her "queendom.") The significance of this is that if young people are educated to the work that awaits them, is required of them, as responsible adults, hopefully they will think twice before diving in unprepared.

I wish I had had more to do with the raising of my step-daughter. It's all water under the bridge now. We keep a room open for her and her daughter in case they ever need or want to come home.

Answer 6

I think it is more a function of some people taking their poor decision-making skills a step or two further when they are far too immature to make such decisions. Where one person will realize "I'm pretty young and haven't experienced much. Maybe I DON'T really know what love is" another will insist that they know all about it and forge ahead carelessly.

I think that if sex was truly the only motivation, only an idiot would get married to do it, rather than just screw around and pray about it later. The ones who are that focused on sex are not so focused on their religion.

But then again, we are talking about teenagers.

Answer 7

This is a very good question. I knew my husband about 4 years before we married and out of that 4 years we were engaged 2 1/2. We are christians and we were asked by our parents to wait until both of us got jobs with benefits and yes in case you were wondering we were virgins.

I do not think it is a good idea to rush marriage just so a couple can have sex you raised a lot of good points because after time the sex wears off and you have real life to deal with.

My husband and I have a frienship and our faith in God there is more to life than getting married and having sex, and it was hard to control ourselves but when we got married sex took time to develop rome was not built in a day as the saying goes.

Being engaged is different for a young person in thier early 20s than someone in thier 30s or 40s I know couples that were in their 30s and 40s that God married in under a year but they had jobs they were established and they had money saved and they were not kids anymore. My sister was egaged for 10 months however she was 45 when she got married and her and her husband are established and both of them work very hard.

Christians tend to marry young and the church encourages them not to have long engagements and yes it is beatufiul that couples want to save themselves for marraige however that does not pay the bills.

My husband and I will never divorce we are in love and we work very hard to invest in our union and our marraige to make it work and no it is not easy.

If one is getting married just so they can have sex they are going to be very dissapointed and hurt in the marraige.

If more people married in the will and timing of God there would be a lot less divorce. Thank you for this wonderful post I agree with you 100% and I like what you added to the post as well. Peace be with you, Encourager4God

Answer 8

I don't think many young marriages last . Especially if they have not had just a little experience dealing with sex and emotions and the separation of the 2. Maybe I have been a bad mother but I have tried to teach tolerance (religious, etc.) to my girls. I have tried to teach them to think thoroughly and question everything I have also drilled into their heads about safe sex. Both my kids know that I want them to have a good education and employment prospects before considering marriage or any serious relationship. I am adult enough to know that they are going to explore thier sexuality before that time. I have encouraged them to do so safely because there are diseases that kill you now. If the church or christian community consider me a bad parent then so be it At least they are able to make sound decisions about life and shouldn't have to worry about abortion dilemmas, divorce etc,

Answer 9

well i know that in the orthodox jewish religion many of the girls are married young, while there is a whole shommer nagia(no touching at all). i was surprised as an american to see girls in their teens already with kids and pregnant. i have see the show you are talking about. i was discusted because it is just for sex, there is one episode that the guy and girl are looking at their honeymoon suite and she is obsessed if that was the place and the way she wants to loose her virginity. i was discusted. back to the jewish thing. most orthodox don't get divorced so they are in it for the long haul. they also don't marry the first person they go on several arranged dates and it has to be a mutual choice to marry each other. but you are completely right and i am glad someone realized the ubsurdity of the show.

Answer 10

I think you pose a valid point. I think our divorce rate is high because people think from an I standpoint rather than a you or we standpoint. Todays generations are focused on feeling good and instant self gratification. Patience and self denial are not important. I think teaching young people that waiting is important whether for marriage or sex because they may lack the maturity necessary to handle the seriousness of either. I don't think I would say it is typical to see young Christians married because I have attended two Christian colleges and did not meet alot of married young people but I do not have statistical information. I wonder if it may be that more young people lacking an education marry sooner rather than young people who are necessarily Christian. Once again I do not have statistical data, I am just supposing.

Answer 11

No- I think the young marriages are more cultural in the South and Midwest. Many of my friends got married in high school or soon after, and they were having sex BEFORE that.

Truthfully, the no sex before marriage is tough, but worth it. You don't form premature attachments, don't have to fear being pregnant, and things like that.

I'm a Christian and got married at 28.... and was a virgin. And I wouldn't have it any other way, and am VERY glad I wasn't sexually active before!