I am engaged to a great guy, but for the last year and a half, we have just not been the same. I think we have just became two different people. I was 19 when I started dating him and 4 years later, of course I am going to be a different person. There is just no spark anymore, and he drives me nuts and when he does certain things, it just annoys me. I am scared everyday that I am doing the wrong thing. My family loves him, so you can't talk to them about it because they are expecting this wedding. Is there anyway to save us? I am scared it may be too late. I don't want to marry someone that I will not be happy with and right now, I don't think I am happy. He used to be spontaneous and fun, and now all he wants to do is stay home. I am 23 years old and I want to go have fun. He is 26 and acts like he is like 95. I like to go do things. What should I do?
2007-05-22 04:18:10 · 19 answers · asked by scaredsillygirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It sounds like he is ready to settle down, while you are still wanting to go out and have fun. I don't think that you guys are ready to get married, but at the same time you have to ask yourself if you still love him. Would he be willing to wait for you? Maybe you two need some time apart to so you can get your partying days behind you.
2007-05-22 04:22:45 · answer #1 · answered by duritzgirl4 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may love each other, but you just are not the right match. There is nothing wrong with that, it's just how it worked out.
Hopefully, lots of other girls out here will see this posting - they think at 19 they have found the one, but just can't grasp how much one changes through the 20s, with life experience, working and just living!
It's good that you have recognized it, and if you are not sure, break off the engagement. Don't settle. I know it would be tremendously hard.
I got married at 28 to the RIGHT one. If I had married the guy who asked when I was 19, or the one even I was serious about when I was 24, I would NOT have been happy. Now, we are married almost 18 years, and have a wonderful, happy life - STILL full of fun, laughter and LUST! Yes, it's possible!
Trust your instincts, and good luck to you!
2007-05-22 12:12:20 · answer #2 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I fell into the same situation when I was 18 - got engaged and stayed with him until I was 22. (We had also been dating since I was 16) anyways, one day I just finally had enough and knew for my own happiness - not that of my family - that I needed to break from him. You've already said that your not happy so why stay and be miserable. Just remember that you need to do this for yourself not your family. Your family will understand in the end cause if they love you they will only want what is best for YOU!!!! Make the break and move on with your life. This is the best time of your life and you need take advantage of it all. Don't look back in 5 years and wonder what you missed.
2007-05-22 11:26:10 · answer #3 · answered by danczar1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in the exact same spot as you are time wise. I started dating my husband when I was 19, he was 20. We got married less than a year later (I was 20, he was 21). Just like you say, he used to be spontaneous, adventurous, he used to take me out dancing, we used to take road trips at least once a month. Now, I just turned 24 last month and he's 25. He just wants to be home watching TV. We hardly ever go out to dance. We dont take nearly as many roadtrips as we used to. But you know what... I could not for one second imagine my life without him. And if I do, I literally start crying and crying until I remind myself that I'm not without him and that's he's there with me. I dont know what I would do without him. But he's coming around. We're hopefully going to Vegas this weekend. I love him to death.
You need to think if you can live WITHOUT him. Maybe you guys dont have to break up, but just give each other some space for a couple of weeks and see if you miss him or if you actually rather be without him.
2007-05-22 11:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by MariChelita 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out now. I made the mistake of marrying a man that I met when I was very young (18). 6 years into the marriage, 13 years into the relationship, and 2 kids later I was a completely different person and EXTREMELY (suicidal) unhappy. Get out before you make a mistake. There is only one person that you need to make happy in your life and that is you. If you think you are making a mistake you are. Your family will get over it.
Good luck. I'm sorry you are going through this.
2007-05-22 11:29:04 · answer #5 · answered by PK211 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you dont love him then dont marry him. I married on the rebound to a many I cared about, but didnt love. I was knew before I married him I didnt love him, but we had lived together for a year after getting engaged. I couldnt bring myself to hurt him or his family and ended up in an unhappy marriage for 17 years before I found the courage to end it. Now Im marrying the man of my dreams, my true love and soulmate and am the happiest I've ever been. In the long run you will end the marriage if you are not happy and that will cause more pain than if you ended the relationship now.
2007-05-22 11:28:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to have a "fierce" talk with him, that is where you sit down and you both lay it all out on the table. This is the man you are suppose to marry if you can not talk to him about it you really should not marry him. it would be better either for you to break it off or put it off until things change.
marriage changes things but it will not change they fact that you now have different wants he wants to settle down and have a family be a dad and come to a quite home after a long day, you want to be party girl for a few years. Seems to me that you need to end it now, its a combo that will not work in a marriage and you are setting it up to fail.
save your self a ton of money on a wedding and divorce talk about it openly and honestly with him then choose whether to marry, postpone or break up.
ps. nothing wrong with what either of you want you just are no longer well matched.
2007-05-22 11:24:24 · answer #7 · answered by Blessed Rain 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should be confronting him and telling him this before it's too late and you ruin both your lives. If you ever cared about him you need to do this before you get married and live in misery, You have no choice but to leave him and let him find someone who makes him happy and want to do things. I'm sure that he probably goes out a lot more than you, but you never want to to anything with him because you just can't stand him. Tell him ASAP!!!
2007-05-22 21:09:06 · answer #8 · answered by Shifty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't you go out with your girlfriends and let him stay at home if that's what he likes to do?
I don't think the reason you gave: wanting to have fun, is the deciding factor on whether your marriage will survive.
What would be a deciding factor is if that fire that is now burning embers isn't "fun" enough for you to the point that you start looking elsewhere for "fun".
All relationships turn from fire to burning embers, but never forget just how hot those coals are.
But if you're putting out the coals, you had better go find new wood. Ahem.
2007-05-22 11:25:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is there any way to compromise with him? Perhaps get a night out now & then, either with or without him. If you had an outlet, maybe the things about him that are making you crazy wouldn't bother you so much. You seem to already know you cannot go on with the wedding if you continue to feel this way. How about talking to him?
2007-05-22 11:23:32 · answer #10 · answered by Happy Wife 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋