Please help! What happens next?

Question

My boyfriend & I are expecting a baby boy in July, but lately he hasn’t been much of a boyfriend he half- way stays with me (some of clothes & shoes are at my place). Every since I got pregnant it has been rocky, this is my first child but not his. I thought because of that he would be more understanding about how hormones and mood swings occur, but he wasn’t. Now I hardly see him, and he screens my calls and rarely answers. Now don’t get me wrong I’m not stupid, I can read between the lines I know something is going on. When I do talk to him of course he tells me he loves me… Blah Blah.

I know I can’t stay with him just because we are having a child, but it’s hard for me to imagine my self with anyone but the father of my child. I have family & friends, but I desperately want him to be with me when I have him, and honestly I don’t know if he will, he will probably just say he is busy, like always.

I guess the question is “Ladies does it ever get easier living without the father of your child that you love so much, when you have a constant reminder of him everyday????”

Answer 1

I feel so bad for you that you are going through this. I know it is not easy. I was in the same situation about 8 years ago. I had a baby girl with my boyfriend at the time. Same situation, it was my first child, but it was his third!! (I know, I must have been out of my mind.) He treated me terribly and he was an even worse father. I wanted to leave him when I was pregnant, but I was really scared to be alone and have a baby also. So, I stayed with him until my daughter was about 7 months old, then I left. I used to stay and put up with being treated like garbage because I thought it would be better for my daughter to have her father around. He treated me like crap and he never showed any interest in our child, never changed diapers or helped with anything. Finally one day I realized that it would be better for her to have no father around than one that ignores her and treats her mother badly. So, I gathered up all my courage and I left. My daughter will be 8 years old in November and he has never once came to see her, asked about her, or paid a dime of support in all that time. Now, I'm not saying you should leave, your situation might not be as bad as mine, but it does sound like the idea is on your mind.
In answer to your question, YES!!! It does get easier, believe me. I met a wonderful man when she was about a year and a half old and we are now married (for almost 6 years!) He is the most wonderful father to her. He loves her so much, even though she is not biologically his. He buys her things, takes her places, spends time with her, and she just adores him. We even have 2 children together and he does not treat my daughter any different than he treats the 2 that are his. She does not even know her "real" father, to her, my husband his her father. She calls him Daddy and he is the only father she has ever known. As far as a "constant reminder", I don't even think about my ex at all. It helps too that my daughter looks just like me and not him! Even my husband says that he forgets about the fact that she is not really his child. I did think about him a lot when I first left, but as the years went by I thought about it less and less, and now not at all. I guess it helps that I don't see or hear from him. Now, if you left but your boyfriend stayed an active part of your baby's life, than I guess it would be harder to not think about it. I was scared that I would feel some weird feelings towards her because of the situation, but I don't at all. I love her and she is my daughter and I don't care that her biological father is a jerk, because she is a beautiful, smart, fun little girl. If you don't feel that you are being treated they way you deserve to be now, then chances are it will not change when you have the baby either. In my case, it got worse. He didn't have time for me or to help me when I was pregnant, then when I had her and there was even more responsiblities, he really didn't have time!! A good estimate of how good of a father that you think he will be is to see what kind of a father he his to the child he already has. I wish I would have taken that into consideration with my ex. He didn't care at all about the 2 kids that he already had, so why should I have thought that my child would be any different to him. Don't stay with him for the sake of your child, if you really think he is not going to be supportive of you both, then leave now before it gets any harder. Your baby will get tons of love from you and other family members and maybe some day even from another man who will love your child like he is his own. I know it his hard to accept, but from what you say it sounds like he his already trying to end the relationship. He is "too busy" for the woman whom he is supposed to love and who is carrying his child??? This is a red flag that something is wrong. I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope everything works out. Be tough, don't be scared, do what you feel is right for you and your baby, don't be intimated by him and don't let him just keep leading you on. It's not fair to you or the baby, you both deserve his love, respect, time, and attention. Best wishes to you both!!

Answer 2

Yes. Once you move the bum out of your life, you can focus on that new life. A person who will need your loving care.

There is something about certain men who want to have unprotected sex, get their girlfriends pregnant, and then flee the scene. I guess they think it's a sign of their machismo.

It isn't.

Don't waste your time or energy trying to improve life with this loser. Make sure you have the information you need to file for child support, get some more education, and find a decent job. You'll be much better off.

Answer 3

it can be a scary time for guys to you know. My man wants to have kids but hel get nervous, mabye not the way your man is but everyone is different.
I dont think your last statement is fair though, have a think about the thousands of men who are having money that they work hard for taken off from them to pay for a child that isnt thiers. My friend has to pay £34 a week for a little boy for the past two years and the process of DNA test is constantly being put off/ cancelled by the childs mother, and the government not willing to stop taking his money until they have proof. Do you think thats easy??
please sort your relationship out, have your lovely baby but drop the 'oh my god im a woman im such a victim' act because it reflects on all of us

Answer 4

The thing you have to ask yourself is what do you want your child to learn? Since he isn't going to be around, you need to concentrate on the baby and make sure that child knows to love, honor and respect those he comes in contact with so he won't grow up to be a jerk like his dad.

Pack up the bf's stuff and tell him to come and get it. If you know where his family lives, take it to them and ask them to give it to him. Don't keep anything around that personally belongs to him or he will continue to bug you. You need to make a clean break and tell him to get lost.

Go to church and make friends there to help you through the rough times that you will experience at times, people you know you can trust and who will be there when you need them. Be more careful about who you date and get with in the future so you don't end up with another loser. It's obvious he wants nothing to do with you or the child so move on and give that baby alot of love.

And name the baby after your dad or brother or uncle or grandfather. No sense in carrying the father's name when the father wants nothing to do with either of you. And sweetie, don't have another baby until you are married to the father and hopefully someone who is more stable :)

Keeping you in prayer. You'll be ok. Just make up your mind and let family and friends help you through all this.

Answer 5

Dont ruin your life just to keep the father of your child away. You need to have a healthy and happy life even if hes not in it. If he cares about you and his child then he would be with you all the time unless he had a job that kept him there for a while. But from what your saying he just doesn't want to be around. You need to talk to him and make things clear on what both of you want and go from there.
If he doesn't want to be with you dont make him, its not wort the pain to fight for someone that wont do it for you. Worry about your child and Begin a new life with out the man.

Answer 6

I hate to say it this way, but living with a pregnant woman is really hard. Maybe the fact that he has done it before is what's making him back off. You have to understand that he's looking at his ex and he knows how that turned out and he's probably (unfairly) transferring her faults onto you in his mind. If that's the case, it will probably be better after your baby is born and he is able to see that you are not acting the way his ex did.

Answer 7

This is why women should not sleep with bums. This guy enjoyed having unprotected sex with you until he got you pregnant, and now he's moved on to the next victim. What is there to love about a man like this? File for proof of paternity and child support and drop this bum, until he steps up and is man enough to marry you. If he doesn't marry you, don't be foolish enough to have unprotected sex with him again.

Answer 8

I doubt if it gets any easier - but the joys and rewards of raising a good, caring child can more than compensate the absence of his dad.

Just be sure to see a good lawyer to make sure Dad supports his child. That is something to do NOW. Find out what your rights/baby's rights are NOW.

Answer 9

i wouldnt call him anymore if he gets ahold of you and wants to talk there is no harm in that but quit chasing him and move on with your life not just for you but for your baby as well you cant make someone want you and to be quite honest it doesnt sound like he deserves a person like you and your baby . i hope you'll find someone that will treat you with respect and will love you and your baby with all his heart. if it works out between you 2 then good but you cannot just keep chasing this guy around let him come to you meanwhile get on with life.

Answer 10

mmmm... why did you that girl...

Honestly, in your situation now. i cannot blame you if your upset, guys are like that i think his not ready for an obligation
especially to be a father.
but try to talk with him maybe he thinks what his doing right now is just okey with you.
Tell him everything what you feel inside in a nice way..
maybe he will change the time he will see his son...