Nosy grandma issues...any advice?

Question

My boyfriend and I are moving soon as we're currently living with his parents while we're in college. His parents are also moving which is why we have to move - they're getting a smaller house and don't have room for us so we're getting an apartment. Well, I keep my family up to date on everything in my life we live 3 hours apart. My biggest issue is the fact that although we are not married and don't plan to be until we're done with college, she's acting like we are. She wants to keep track of his parents' new address, and I don't think she has any right to. She also wants us to invite his parents over for dinner once a month and let them know when so they can come visit once in awhile. I love her but I don't really feel that it's her place to have their address for any reason - or to get to know them over dinner several times either especially since we are college students and it's not like we cook. What should I do? I don't want to upset her but she's pushing her rights.

Please no more "living in sin" answers - I have my religious views and they do not coincide with yours so please don't try to force them on me, I want advice on the situation not to be told I'll go to hell or some other thing. For others - the reason we are not married is that we can't afford it and want to finish school first, and I'm living down here so that I can continue to go to college where I started.

I ran out of space before and forgot to add this til my most recent answer...his parents aren't that comfortable with her, as she is...well, nosy, and they're very private people. My family is 100% different from his. She also keeps pushing to get our parents to chat together and won't leave me alone about it - but neither side is interested, after all, we're not married yet! Like I said, very different people. She just won't keep her nose out when she needs to, mean as that sounds.

Answer 1

Oh the stories I could tell you about the garbage I go through with my grandmother...she has 0 boundaries, lots and lots of ridiculous opinions. And she's done the same thing trying to meet my friends (asking for their #) I SAID NO!!! or wanting to meet with my daughter's father's side of the family, you know christmas. You have to explain to her that there is no need for her to have there address and that you are not comfortable with that. Show her that you make the decisions not her! And if/when you decide that YOU want to have them over to meet her then you will let her know! Good luck 2 u

Answer 2

About all you can do is to sit Grandma down and explain that BF's parents are very private and are not comfortable with the big, close family you come from. They simply would prefer to be more distant.

Consider renting the film, My Big Fat Greek Wedding - and pointing out that your boyfriend's family is a dead ringer for the male lead's mother and father in the movie. That may be a good ice-breaker - opening the door for a frank discussion about this.

Remember, Grandma came from a time/place where families were big and close. There were squabbles and alliances etc. but they were FAMILY! Please respect that - even if you can't understand it - and especially if you don't like it.

Answer 3

What does it hurt for her to get to know them. She is probably just wanting to make new friends. Since when is that a crime. Ask his parents if it alright if you give her their phone number then she can call them personally without getting you involved and if they say no then that's the end. If they say its okay then she can take it from there. Just tell her you won't be throwing any dinner parties but might be willing to come to her house once in a while to visit. Good Luck

Answer 4

She's pushing her rights? You're playing house and expecting the family to go this way and that and adapt and adjust to the crazy situation you're creating?

Marry or get your own place, I'd say. Otherwise, you're pretending you're a married couple (can't believe his family would put up with that - guess that's why they're getting a smaller place :) so you ought to act like one in all areas.

Your family should have their address and your family should be inviting his parents over.

Your thinking on this matter is really bizarre, frankly.
It really makes no sense.

Answer 5

Well,
The reason she is in your business is because you are telling her everything that goes on in your life. If you want to seperate them, then you must do it. On her side, she is only complying with your wishes. She thinks that you want that kind of relationship wityh the families so she is making the move. Tell her straight up thwhat you want. Then see how she responds.

Answer 6

I think you grandma is right, she is just looking out for you. If anything happened to you, at least she could tell the police as much as she knows about your other half. I'm not sure about the whole "invite them for a meal" thing though.

Answer 7

your grandma may be in the wrong but, your going to cause your self ALOT of greif living with this guy and ASUMMING your goning to get married, may be she telling you this in her own wierd way. think of here and now and how its going to affect you latter. what if you dont get married and you ruin your relatoinship with your grandma????
GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 8

She has as much right to that information as you do to shack up and play house.

**You're proud enough to LIVE with their son... Why don't you want them treated like family by your family? Are you ashamed? Really NOT planning on marrying him like you say?

Answer 9

You should never shack up with a man, it is a sin. Stop playing house and go ahead and get married. You are defiling your body by living in sin. Repent and turn from your wicked ways.