I told him I might be preggo, and at first he would say that he was "there" for me, whatever my decision would be. Due to my morals or whatever, I told him that I'd keep the child. He tried to tell me about adoption/abortion, and tried to make me see otherwise, saying stuff like "Don't you want to study abroad next year? You'll give up Oxford for a kid?" I told him that I knew that I'd raise the kid mostly by myself since he'll still go off to college, but I'm living close and I'll be max 30 min from his university. Then he started talking about how he'd only be able to support me emotionally 50% and he wished he could be there 100% for me but he'll be busy. I don't need financial support, I just want him to be there for me emotionally...I want to know that he will make the best of this just like I'm trying to. But it feels as if he already regrets it, and I don't know if he'll be able to help me longterm or if he'll flake out. He's always been there for me. Is this a normal reaction?
2007-05-22 02:14:59 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
In todays day and age with access to so much birth control I just don't understand how people get pregnate without actually planning it... is it laziness. I understand the spur of the moment, but that spur can last a lifetime. Like it or not if your boyfriend isn't ready and his morals aren't to high be prepared to join the ranks of the single mothers
2007-05-22 02:19:54 · answer #1 · answered by spjp p 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont think that he thaught that it would come true (falling pregnant so young) and thats y he tried to act like a nice man who would support u but now that there is a very good chance that it could be real he is freaking out! I obviously thinks that u guys r too young and is having a heartattack cause of the huge commitment this would need to be. Now he is thinking about how young he is and all the things that he wants to do and hasnt done yet and r u guys strong enough to stay together, does he wanna be in a serious relationship etc... So all in all i dont think that u will get the support that you want just yet MAYBE he will change once the baby is born but most dads dont stay around long enough for that especially since he is going to study! He wants to still live the collage life! and he wants u to be apart of the collage life and have no responsibilities! He also seems to think that a baby right now will ruin ur life! U need to sit him down and tell him how u feel and what u want. We all want to do certain things in life but most of the time our ideas change and we take a different path! Well if u r pregnant here is ur new path! Lets hope he is mature enough to take on the responsibility of his actions! Good Luck hey
2007-05-22 09:24:02 · answer #2 · answered by Stacey-Lee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's a manipulative fella. He wants to steer you away from your current course of action because it has a negative impact on his own plans.
My ex-wife and I had an abortion. Not something I would wish on anybody. That decision will always haunt me. If I had followed through, and been the kind of man I intended to be, it would not have been an issue.
I gave her the choice, but ultimately, she was on her own in that doctor's office, and not giving her the sense that I would love and provide for our child, as well as look after her emotionally, was a mistake on my part.
If you are pregnant, whatever you choose, don't believe for a minute that having the baby will prompt him to propose, or even stay your boyfriend. You can't trust that. If you have the baby, be prepared to support and raise it with family help... or consider adoption, if you're just too young to raise a child without the father.
Hopefully, you're just late, and this is all just wild guessing. But good luck to you.
2007-05-22 09:28:51 · answer #3 · answered by Christopher 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a normal reaction from a guy who is not ready to take on the responsibility of being a father. Regardless, he needs to be there for you financially whether you say you do not need his financial help or not. If you get on public assistance it will be the tax payers that will have to fork out his end of responsibility and it is not fair. If you try to raise your child without his financial help I am afraid you will be in for a rude awakening at how difficult this will be. A child requires two parents that will take care of his needs and you and your boyfriend do not sound ready or able to provide this. I feel you should look into other options like adoption. Do what is best for your child. Either way, I do wish you the very best of luck !
2007-05-22 09:24:34 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your decision is to keep the baby, do it girl! Regardless of whether you have his support or not!
You seem like a strong woman and I believe you'll be able to pull thru this w/o him. If this man truly loves you, he should stand by you 100%. I suggest you take things one at a time. From my point of view, I doubt ur bf is capable of being responsible whether in the long run or now. Let him know your decision and what you expect of him (emotionally supportive). However, don't pin any hopes as you'd only be disappointed. On the other hand, give him time to come to terms with the big news. I believe you WILL know what to do gradually as per his reaction;>
2007-05-22 09:24:40 · answer #5 · answered by Destiny Wan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
indeed, it's a normal reaction. he's just scared of the responsibility. i mean, not really scared but he's just thinking he's not yet ready for a kid since you're both young and all. but don't worry, he'll end up loving the kid when it comes out.
you said that he's always been there for you, so he'll still be there. don't abort the baby, it's a very bad thing to do. you may never know. maybe your bf will be the one who's gonna take care of the kid. coz you see, that's the usual case... people think otherwise or of something else just to pursue dreams and avoid conflicts such as another responsibility and all. but when the baby comes out, the guys are the ones who are more excited..
trust me.. congratulations on your baby.
2007-05-22 09:22:37 · answer #6 · answered by kathy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i fell pregnant at the age of 14 an i was in a mess i didnt know what to do the father said he wasnt interested as he was also 14 i decided to keep it as abortion didnt even enter my mind when my son was born it was great the father got back in contact we had our ups and downs and decided to give it another go things didnt work out between us but the main thing is hes there for his son in a big way maybe your situation might improve the more he thinks about it when adn if the baby comes along he may see what hes missing out on and change his mind altogether if not then lots of people cope these days with being single parents and if hes not interested its his loss all you can do is be there for your child. Good luck
2007-05-22 09:22:49 · answer #7 · answered by Helen J 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course. The guy is probably too young for a kid. If men in their 30s are scared of children, so is the college boy. He'll want to party, date and live a carefree life. You can't do that with a child. And he is right to question whether you are capable of caring for a child when your practically one yourself.
But if its not a certainty, you should go the doctor and be one hundred percent sure before dropping a bomb like this.
2007-05-22 09:21:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not really. He clearly loves you, but doesn't want to be a parent yet. He's irresponsible and immature and reacted so poorly that if it were me and he basically acted like I'd be the only one giving things up, I'd punch him to the moon.
I think the first thing you need to do is find out if you're actually pregnant. Go see a doctor. Once you do that, then deal with this ignorant buffoon.
2007-05-22 09:19:09 · answer #9 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes it is if you 2 werent planning this child men get scared just like we do sweety you need to sit back down with him after yu find out if you are actually pregnant yo said possibly so find out first and then have along talk. but is is a normal reaction because if yo think about it when you first thought you were didnt you just sit and think for a long minute i know emotionally you need support sweety but he does too
have a great day
2007-05-22 09:21:05 · answer #10 · answered by eunique97 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋