My fiance and I are paying for our wedding on our own and while doing the guest list I asked for his moms help on some addresses for their side of the family. I gave her the list of ppl that I needed addresses for and she has taken it upon herself to add ppl to the guest list. My fiance and I have looked over the ppl and they are friends of his mom's relatives that he has either never met or hasn't seen or heard from in over 10 years. We have tried to tell her that we are not inviting those ppl and they she needs to understand that we are paying for the wedding are not paying for ppl that we don't know. She has decided to make her own wedding invitations and mail them to the ppl that she thinks should be invited. WHAT DO I DO?????
2007-05-22 00:24:22 · 23 answers · asked by jamitha99 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
First take a deep breath...now think about it. If these are people that your fiance hasn't seen or heard from in over 10 years chances are that they live out of town. Now would you go through the time and expense of travelling to an out of town wedding for someone you don't know? or haven't heard from in 10 years? Chances are that these people will not be attending anyway and that she is wanting to send them invites because of a sense of duty (she was invited to their children's weddings perhaps?) I agree that it is not her place to send out her own invites or to try and take over your guest list...but if it has already happended there's not much you can do. If you contact the people and uninvite them you will be the one ending up looking bad and then whenever she complians about her horrible daughter in law people will talk about how you uninvited guests to your wedding. Like it or not this is a lady you will have to try and get along with for a long time. Don't start out on the wrong foot. You can always explain about the budget and ask her to pay for her extra guests...but like I said it's doubtful that they will show up anyway.
Ultimatly it is up to your husband to be the one to set her straight...(although she will still think that you are behind it )
Good luck
2007-05-22 02:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by cookie 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Tell her although it would be truly lovely to see all those people at your wedding that you've never met, because of finances, there is no way you can invite all the people she would like to see again. Stand firm and let her know under no uncertain terms is it acceptable to you and your husband to be that she make her own invitations as there will not be a place at any table for her guests at the reception, which will just be awkward for her to explain. Is there anyone on your fiance's side of the family that can talk some sense into her, without it coming from you?
Good luck with your life with such a controlling MIL. Congratulations, and may your day be beautiful and stress free.
2007-05-22 07:42:58 · answer #2 · answered by bridalbecca 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
O My I'm sorry to hear this. Unfortunately I'm also getting married to a man that wants black and gold for our colors (I hear bee's buzzin) but he wants our mother in law to plan it amazing right anywho what I would do is both of u sit down with her be nice but firm and tell her that you are paying for this wedding without any help from anyone else and that you really do not want anyone that was not on your list invited. Or tell her that you all are doing an invitation wedding only and the "security" will be there to check invitations and you provided them a copy of the invitation so that they will know who is actually invited to the wedding. Or just be rude "last resort" Otherwise you will be paying for way more people than you expected. Hope it all works out
2007-05-22 08:03:13 · answer #3 · answered by Sasha R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mother in law if she insists inviting these extra guests that she has to pay for them and tell her you need the money now or you will call these people and explain to them exactly what happened and tell them that you are very sorry but you have to withdraw the invitation since she had no right to mail them anyway. She will look like the fool. A word of advice, if you don't put your foot down now this is the way she will be your whole married life.
2007-05-22 07:39:22 · answer #4 · answered by housershoney 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is your fiance's mom so he need's to talk to her and handle that situation..He should simply tell her that if she is inviting these unapproved guests then she need's to pay for them..She should understand and be grateful that the two of you are paying for your own wedding that is very commendable.It is YOUR wedding and she has NO right to be inviting anyone that she feel's like,unless she is going to pay for them..Your fiance is going to have to put his foot down if she is any kind of a decent mother then she will understand..I feel sorry for you because it sound's like she is going to be one of those medling mother-in-laws..I hope you don't live too close to her when you get married..Good Luck & Congratulations..
2007-05-22 07:44:05 · answer #5 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your future mother-in-law that if she is taking it upon herself to make invites and send them out to her friends that she wants invited then she she take it upon herself to pay for them also. With this she may either drop the whole thing altogether or pay for her friends.
Just a side note you may want to sit down and let her know that you are willing to let her invite 2 or 3 people from her list, but not all of them and she has to invite the people that know the groom personally not just through the Mom grapevine.
2007-05-22 09:39:05 · answer #6 · answered by Important 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I sat down with my MIL and we did her side of the list together, then I added my family and friends and we counted it all up. We wanted 100 or less people, and we were over 100.
I just explained that we were trying to keep the numbers down and that we really only want immediate family and people that have/had an impact in our lives and that WE wish to include.
We too had people on there my fiancee didn't know (his moms friends) She was reluctant but agreed to cross a few names off, as it turned out...she would cross of one or two and then say "well if I don't invite them I can't invite so and so...." She ended up taking the majority off the list.
It just took us explaining that this was our day, and I realize that she wants to share this with her friends as well but there would be plenty of pictures/videos and pinics and parties later on that all her friends could come to.
As for buying and mailing her own invitations?!?!? Wow....You and your fiancee need to go over and talk to her, say you talked to your vendor...this is the amount the reception/wedding site can handle and we are already over our numbers.
I would hope she would be resonable and realize this is your wedding day for you both and your family and friends.
2007-05-22 08:32:21 · answer #7 · answered by Katie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh that's just horrible! I'm so sorry. Your fiance is going to have to try again and stand up to her and tell her no. If there is just no getting through to her, tell her how much she owes you per each person she invites. Tell her you just can't afford these people, so if she insists on them being there, she'll have to pay for them. And if he thinks it will help, he can always try guilt and tell her that you have been very hurt by her actions. It doesn't work with everybody, but I know when my MIL gets out of hand, but husband can tell her that she hurt my feelings and then she'll stop.
On the bright side, if you don't even know these people, they probably won't come. But they might send you gifts! Good luck.
2007-05-22 09:47:20 · answer #8 · answered by Lilli 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a couple of choices:
1. cave - and live to fight another day
2. tell your mother in law that you would hate for these people to be embarassed when there is no place for them at your wedding - and hire someone to 'check the list' for guests at the door
3. tell your mother in law that if she insists on behaving this way that you'll have no choice but to move the wedding to an undisclosed location and that she will no longer be invited
4. present her with an itemized bill for the extra guests she wants to include and tell her that unless she pays for them you will send a note to every extra person on her list explaining the misunderstanding and letting them know that they in fact are not invited (you did save a copy of that address list?)
5. let your future husband deal with it - hopefully he's got some experience
good luck and happy day!
2007-05-22 07:36:24 · answer #9 · answered by Pam 5 · 8⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't do anything. Your fiance needs to put his foot down with his mother. I would take the approach of "Mom if you want to foot the bill for the wedding then sure invite all these people but as long as we are paying for it they are not invited. Or give her an invoice for the extra people and then ask her to pay for the extra people.
2007-05-22 07:36:14 · answer #10 · answered by Mandy43110 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋