What can happen to love in a year?

Question

My husband is in Iraq, he came home for ER leave in December left in Jan. he is not due home now until Jan. of 2008. OK in my eyes a year is a long time, I am scared of what love can do in one year, I have found myself to be able to do more things on my own, I don't have the auto date when I need one anymore, I don't have to ok it with anyone when I go somewhere, and honestly this scares the hell out of me.. So in your honest nice answer what can happen with love in the years time you are apart from each other.. No I dont cheat, no I dont party, and all those things that might come out.. I am just curious on what others think...

Please be nice I am waving the no harshness flag on this one, cause I am feeling a lil bad already ... thanks

Answer 1

At your wedding you said " for better or for worse." Well, this is the "worse" and I hope it's all "better" after this tour of duty is over.

You sound l like one fine woman. You'll be fine. Hey, May is almost over. one less month to go.

Answer 2

For the year apart, send letters (actual letters with pictures...you have no idea how much that means) in addition to emails and pictures on the internet. You'll grow apart in ways because he's experiencing some things that can be very difficult to deal with. Even if he's not in the infantry or doing patrols...he's still there and you're here. Stay busy, concentrate on 'keeping the home fires burning'.

When he gets back...sometimes the homecoming can be more difficult than the separation. You both will have to adjust. He's going to have a hard time trying to find out where he 'fits in' with you and the family (if you have kids). He's also going to be moody sometimes and will sometimes need time to think it out or just have some time to himself. Guys don't normally know how they feel about something until they've had a chance to work it out...that's just the way the emotions and the brain are put together physically. Don't question it or badger him to 'let it out'. It's not going to be any easier on you, either, so don't think that because I've focused on him so far, you're off the hook. For you, be prepared to let go of some of the chores or pick them back up again. Set aside time for yourself or time for both of you as a couple.

In a way, he's changed, you've changed...you're going to have to get to know each other again. I'd suggest going out on some dates together, or doing activities you used to like before.

Also, every base I've been to has some sort of Family Support Services where they can offer some counseling for free to returning service members and their spouses. I'd highly suggest looking that up. Even if he's National Guard or Reserve, ask around at the base...his unit First Sergeant should know. You may have to drive to an active duty base or maybe a visiting counselor only comes to that base once in a while...even so, it's better than nothing and may even help heal some of the hurts before they get a chance to get worse.

Answer 3

My husband deployed Feb. 9th 2007, goes on R&R in sept 2007 and wont be home till May 2008.
Rght now we have a 7 month old and im 5 1/2 months pregnant.

You do become more independant, i mean you have to right? lol. You have to make the choices and big decisions while your lover cant even congradulate you on a job well done on figureing out a problem or helping you out.

Gona have to adjust alot when he comes home, lol.

I still call h im up( he has a cell phone he bought over there) and i still get the ok to get a feew things or i let him know im going some where so he wont worry if i dont answer the phone.
I think of the freedom, but having it really dont mean anything to me. I wanted to have the freedom to do things and now that i have it, I honestly dont want it if i cant have him around.

My husband and I had a bad arguement before he left. We never settled it until 2 months in to his deployment. It's hard. I cry alot when we have a few go's.

Just remember you will see each other again and tink of that moment you hug and kiss and are together again.

Answer 4

Honestly and humbly, it can change your perspective of life... especially in a place like Iraq, where life and death are separated by a thin thread. That can in essence change your perception of love and what it means to you.

I was away in a disaster zone for 3 weeks, never saw some many dead in a mass grave, it changed my perception of life and also how I perceived my recent relationship. I don't think Iraq is any less than that. You are not insulated because you are not watching it on TV now, you are watching it happen in front of your eyes as it happens.

I can only say that it can go either way. Either you develop a stronger appreciation of each other, which makes the relationship stronger, or you can feel pretty alienated, which means the end of the relationship. In a situation like this, there is hardly any middle ground...

Answer 5

When I returned our relationship was very strained. After the initial 'welcome home' it felt many times that I was an after thought. She would go out with friends after work and not call, would pay bills, make major purchases with out discussion and take care of routine things that I used to do. She had a new group of friends and I felt like an outsider. She had been doing those things with out me for so long that it had become second nature for her. I realized that she needed to readjust to my being back as well as I did. Being away changed me, how I look at things, how I appreciate things, but it did her also. It has been nearly two years now and we still have issues but we are improving everyday. Love doesn't change in a year, the relationship will. For both parties. He will have trouble understanding at first how you have changed. You didn't go anywhere after all. And I think that is where a lot of issues concerning relationship troubles originate.

Don't shut yourself off and put life on hold. Try new things, new hobbies, charities, volenteer you time at you local school or church. Make new friends. Trust yourself and your relationship.

We have to remember, the hardest job in the military is that of the military spouse.

Answer 6

keep yourself busy with whatever you can.

get a hobby, go to school for one or 2 classes, etc.

write to each other and let your minds roll into the pages so you can still share your thoughts to each other, and that way you will still be connected in a way.

you 2 will grow a bit apart, been away from each other does that a bit, but if your love is true for each other, the minute you guys get back together you will be alright.

so hang in there and best of luck.

Answer 7

Stay strong, try to keep him in your daily lives for you and your kids. Thats what I have been doing with my son, though my husband has only been gone since March. Both of you are changing, you and your husband, and both of you will have to re-adjust to being back home. My thoughts are fearful of losing the man I love, not being killed, nor wounded, I could deal with him being wounded (not killed though), but what I worry most about is the mental changes he will go through. I am scared to death of losing him that way...my neighbor is an alcoholic who abuses his wife but she dosnt want to press charges or leave him because her daughter needs the healthcare -he has been to Iraq twice and to panama-. Thats what i am fearful of. I know what you are speaking of but you will get used to the schedule changes and I am sure you remember how the freakin needs of the army always supercedes yours, so that will come in due, though swift, time. I am sure he will have to re-adjust to the changes in the kids, your disciplinary techniques and he will have to be open minded regarding that. You have lots of time to write letters and open up a running dialogue with him, you should do that in a way that your husband will be able to deal with it.

I am not sure what you mean about having to ask if it is "ok" to go somewhere...I never had to ask my husband to go anywhere or do anything, and vice versa however out of respect of each other we do discuss our schedules and upcoming events regularly to make sure we can do certain things together or not. I am hoping thats what you meant, cause if you meant that you have to ask for permission to do things or go out then thats another topic of conversation to bring up.

Answer 8

He could be gay like ME!
































































































I love you!