he wants to grill me about past details and ex boyfriends.. its crazy. is he way insecure or should i just do this.
2007-05-21 17:05:17 · 42 answers · asked by Kayoshi k 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
First off, if he has that little trust in you, why would you want to be with him? Things are NOT going to get better if you do take a polygraph. If he's suspicious of you now, he'll always be thinking of things to be suspicious of you for.
Secondly, it's obvious he has NO concept of how a polygraph works. You can't just hook someone up to a machine and ask them a bunch of random questions. It doesn't work that way.
How's a brief, VERY brief, rundown of how a real polygraph test works. The whole process takes several hours and includes an introduction to the machine, where the examiner will describe the machine and how it works. Then you will talk to the examiner for a while about what questions you will be asked and how you will respond. The examiner will also give you two "test" questions so that he can make sure the machine is properly calibrated to your body.
Then you hooked up to the machine. There are two hand pads which will measure how much you sweat. There is a band across your chest which will measure your breathing rate. There is also a pad which will measure your pulse. And a pad that you sit on to measure your movement rate. These all work together to determine your body's responses to the answers you give.
The examiner will then ask the two test questions and adjust the machine as needed to ensure it is acurately reading your body's reactions. After he/she is satisfied with the results, the examiner will then begin to ask you the questions that you both agreed on earlier. He will ask you these questions three times to make sure the results are consistent and will pause between each round.
He will then unhook you from the machine and leave you while he checks the results. Then the examiner will return and tell you what questions you have told the truth on, and which ones you didn't. You will then have the opportunity to talk and discuss the results.
Again, this is a VERY brief rundown of how a polygraph test is done. It is NOT generally done on a whim and certainly not because someone wants to grill you on your past.
This person is extremely insecure and sounds like he is trying to be very controlling as well. Unless you have had unprotected sex with multiple partners and have a high risk of some Sexually transmitted disease, then, unless you are willing to share this information with him, he has no right to "grill" you about it.
Move on, hun! And find someone who accepts you for who you are NOW! :)
Good luck!
2007-05-21 18:42:42 · answer #1 · answered by Annie B. Mice 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dump the polygraph, then dump the boyfriend. He is very insecure, and it will only get worse. Think that you will be unable for the rest of your life to speak to or look in the direction of another man. Not at work, not at home, not at a party, not even to male relatives. Not even the plumber come to fix the bathroom.
Wanna live like that? Then keep the boyfriend.
This is a second sign of worse abuse to come. First come the suspicions, then the questions and the suggested polygraph, then the "I saw you looking at him, do you want him? Then comes the battering. Him: "Did you talk to your boss today?" Wham, in the face. "I told you not to!" Wham, again.
Please get out of the relationship now before the hitting starts.
"It's" not crazy, he is. Big red flag! Warning, Warning!
Don't wait. You may be unable to leave later. Don't wait until he starts saying things like, "i'm gonna kill you if you leave."
He might.
And get some help. If parents are around, tell them you are leaving boyfriend, and you need some help. Let the neighbors know that he is not welcome around you anymore, and if they see him, to call you.
2007-05-21 19:17:14 · answer #2 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't...he sounds like he is more interested in the past than the present. In all of my previous relationships, I didn't worry about her past only where we were now and where we would be going in the future. You can't move forward if you're stuck in the past or worried about what happened in the past. His paranoia may only get worse the longer you stay. I don't see a healthy relationship coming out of this. This is just my opinion, but I think he can be the very jealous and controlling type. If you're ok with that then by all means stay and take the test but it probably won't be the last time he asks you to do it or something similar.
2007-05-21 17:14:18 · answer #3 · answered by ro 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!! The first sign that you're boyfriend is CRAZY...is accurate. He wants you to get a polygraph test to find out about your past?? Sounds like my ex! Next thing you know, you will come home 5 minutes late from work, and he will start making you bring home your "punch-out" slips. Then, he will be calling your creditcard company for detailed bills, then he will make you feel like youre always doing something wrong when youre not. Please, don't give him the benefit of the doubt!! Im serious..psycho, obsessive...that doesnt go away with time..it just gets worse!!!
2007-05-21 17:13:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is entitled to some amount of privacy.If your boyfriend needs to know detailed information about your past he is probably very insecure and seeks relief of his insecurity by dominating you psychologicly.To answer your question,no you should not take that test because you will just be giving in.
2007-05-21 17:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. That is absolutely ridiculous! Not only is the past the past, but it's YOUR past and your business. Not his. If he pushes it then he quite obviously doesn't trust you enough. It doesn't sound like a healthy situation. If you think he really is a good guy and is merely overreacting and insecure, then I would tell him that you don't really feel that it's necessary and that he should trust your word for what it is. If he's still pushy, ask him how he'd feel if the tables were turned - if he still insists...DUMP HIM. It sounds rather controlling and that it could lead to worse outcomes later. Good luck with that!
2007-05-21 17:10:45 · answer #6 · answered by sugaspice_n_smiles 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
NO! That's nuts! Get a new boyfriend -- because you know, if you don't have any juicy details, he'll just say, "well, polygraphs aren't 100 percent accurate," and he'll KEEP driving you crazy!
A good relationship is based on trust. Dump him before it's too late! There ARE decent men out there.
2007-05-21 17:08:05 · answer #7 · answered by Madame M 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
He's insecure and you need to tell him that is none of his business. Tell him that if he doesn't stop all the c**p, that your going to dump him, and that you will find some one else who won't grill you like a steak.
He needs to grow up and get a life. Dump him if he refuses to grow up and respect you!
You deserve way better than he is treating you, don't let him do this to you another day.
2007-05-21 17:11:34 · answer #8 · answered by Cindy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
WoW! Hit the floor running, darling. A polygraph? This info is none of his business until and unles you decide to share that with him - it's YOUR past, and has no affect on your relationship with him.
NO - you should NOT do this. In fact, you should get away from him now.
2007-05-21 17:12:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would NEVER take a polygraph for something like that. Find a man, not a very large frightened 5 year old masquerading as a man.
2007-05-21 17:08:18 · answer #10 · answered by Phartzalot 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋