What do you do when you run out of compassion?

Question

Do you just keep running on empty? (If yes, how is that possible?)

Is there a way to have a quick "refill" and keep going on with your day, giving, etc....?

Hello friends. Thanks for your kind responses and insightful words.

Look at my avatar name and then you will have a clue about "who" is draining me... It's a little hard to take time out!

I do "fill up" when the kids are alseep, but if I run out of "love juice" half way through the day, there are little ones who will suffer from the grumpy woman.

I'd love to know how to love them and love them, all the day long... I've seen mothers who are just patient all the time (eg my own mother) but I find it such a struggle... my heart just runs dry so quickly... and my brain starts to go on holiday when they are chattering to me.

I'm asking a bit much, I know, but I need a miracle to fill my heart up QUICK, right in the middle of the day.... before I start yelling over spilt milk.

How does one balance all that needs to be done? (I've had six years to get used to motherhood... but still can't seem to get a routine that fills everyone's needs, including my own).

Answer 1

1. call the [super nanny show] they know how to cure all life's ills in 20 Minuit's.

2. get a friend to spot you,if you think your going to blow and take a walk .

3.dear super woman you cant be loving 24 hours a day, totally unrealistic, so give your mother ego a break.you seem to see your self as the mother, which you are but as a [person] you don't need to be perfect.

4. i do like the super nanny show , they seem to have a lot of strategy's to bring ordure out of cayose.

5. and were is Mr perfect? on that show it usually shows that the man needed to take Moor responsibility's at night , when he is at home

i don't have kids so i cant address from personal experience,but i do watch wife swap[ they swich wives to learn from a nother family] and the super nanny some and the points on the shows that

one person cant do it all

, and the woman has to in list the cooperation of the husband and to delegate some responsibility's to the children for there part in this mess.

love love love doesn't mean being a push over....and no more >prefect mother

Answer 2

I am guessing by your unsername that you have a few kids and are probably a lot older than me. I really cannot imagine what you are going through! But i do know that i love my mum very much and that i really appreciate all that she has done for me and is doing for me. And i am sure your kids are too =)

Personally - i dont think it is possible to run out of compassion. The only way to stop caring like that would just to be very sick and tired of everything but even then you can have compassion if you want it. You have probably heard this a million times but - really try to put yourself in someone elses shoes. When you do this you are not looking at their situation with your rational or your reference points but imagining being them completely. Imagining how they feel. Imagine their suffering. For me the rest just flows naturally. I hope it does for you too.

If not then it might be a good idea to pray about it :-) That always helps me.

Good luck mum of 4. My thoughts are with you! =) God bless

Answer 3

You have two choices; either you find more compassion within yourself or you become totally selfish and nasty to others.

Obviously, if someone is taking from you all the time and not giving, they're using you, so choose carefully who you are kind to.

There is a way to get a quick refill of compassion; just put yourself in someone else's shoes. Treat others the way you'd like to be treated, if everyone did that, the world would be a much better place.

Answer 4

Hi Mumof4!:

I ran into this problem just yesterday! And I regret not staying strong...

I've been thinking and praying about it a lot...

The answer for me was a surprising thing and very simple...

(these are, of course, to be used with sincere prayer and hungering scripture study)
1.) Going to bed on time, waking up on time and exercising every week day(this will give you a physical refill everyday) and...

2.) Forgive others before you even know they've done something to offend you... Remind yourself daily(sticky note on the wall/mirror etc.) that others will make mistakes and it is our job to forgive them... so save yourself a lot of trouble and forgive them before they even do anything. look into their eyes and say to yourself "You are a child of God, we all make mistakes... I forgive you and love you" this includes forgiving yourself--look in the mirror and say the same to yourself (this will give you charity refill)

I hope that helps! Have a great day! :)

Answer 5

Quick refill? Not really. or me, it takes at least 24 hours - or more - away from people. Some people never get compassion from me after they have abused it too many times.

I have run on empty several times - most recently when my mom in law died - people were twice as annoying as normal, and I wanted them to die small pitiful deaths and leave me the hell alone. But I recognized that was a stage of mourning and would pass, and until it did, I should avoid people. My children were feeling the same way, but sadly they couldn't avoid people so easily. t least they had friends who recognized that they needed normalcy and not sappy sympathy and pity.

Sometimes, compassion just goes away - and comes back in its own.

Answer 6

There has to be a limit. If it's the same person who wants your sympathy day after day, you can't keep giving it to them. You either avoid them or ignore them until you recharge.

Like the Salvation Army bell ringers at christmas -- they're all over the place and all want something dropped into their little buckets -- I'll give at least once a day when I'm shopping, but the rest of them are SOL because my generosity runs out when my loose change does.

Answer 7

Yes you just read and reflect about those who do have compassion. like Jesus and the saints like Mother Theresa, and Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada. We will never be able to have that level of compassion but we should muster it up to the best of our ability. See the soul beyond the actions. Realize they are just covered by ignorance.That they are just conditioned souls acting based on their minds understanding of their situations. They are pure under all that dirt. As are we. Look at our own imperfections and realize how far we have come and others can be cleansed as well. Many things like this to reflect upon. Thanks Mum

Answer 8

Look at the people/person who you're having trouble feeling compassion for and imagine their day, how they're feeling, their life, the circumstances that lead them to you. Imagine you are them, with all of their experiences. Then, treat them accordingly.

If you are completely unable to give, to help, then apologize, take care of whatever can't wait & find time to do something that makes you feel whole again, no matter what it is. For me, it's often just finding time to be alone, reconnecting with my husband, late at night after the kids are in bed.

Answer 9

Go to someone who has more than you:

"As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."
James 5:11

" Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for His compassions never fail."
Lamentations 3:22

Answer 10

Batten down the hatches. Bring awareness ('mindfulness') to the situation. Sleep it over.

Or if you get the chance, lie down on your right side, left foot over right. Try and let go of thinking, stage by stage, by focussing on breathing in & out, and the pleasurable sensations arising from it.

That's when you get the time to take time out.

When you don't, just become aware that conditions & mental states change (including irritation) and that there's light at the end of the tunnel. :-)

Best Wishes,

Arjuna