It seems like his mother likes to search for things to complain about me. First she was upset because he spent most of his time with me intead of being at her beck and call. Then she hated how I would spend my free time in my room(when I was living with her). She constantly talks about me to other family members. So now his extended family doesn't like me. When they haven't even met me! She criticized my room when I lived with her, saying it was a mess just because my bed wasn't made. She never kept up the rest of her house to the standards that she expected me to follow. I am bipolar so she looks down on me because or that and because it has been hard for me to hold down a job. I found a job that I feel I will be able to keep, yet she still thinks I'm not good enough because of my disorder. Also, my tongue is pierced and she has a huge problem with that. How can I get her to back off and let me be?
2007-05-21 15:51:59 · 7 answers · asked by jabsgirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If she is like this now she is more thne likely going to remain this way. I am married and couldn't stand my mother in law at first...because I didn't meet her standards...but after I told her what I thought about her attitude and how it made me feel...we started talking more and became really close and 6 years later are still very close.! Me and my husband even split up for a while...it being my decision because of some verbal abuse towards me and my children and she still was by my side and always has been. I had my tongue pierced and my eybrow and tatoos and I didn't give two sh*ts what anyone thought of me. If you truely love your boyfriend maybe she will get over being such a b*tch and end up likeing you for who you are. Only time will tell. If things don't change and you can't handle it...then I would suggest moveing on. I know that sucks...but you can't be with someone if thier family hates you. I mean you can...but you and them are always going to have a grudge against one another.
By the way I am diagnosed as being clinically severly depressed and have to take meds for it and my mother in law hated that when she found out! (I have been haveing this problem for over a year now). So I know what it feels like haveing people judge you because you are mentally ill. They shouldn't say sh*t if the haven't been in your shoes! But people judge and thats just life unfortunately. She told me that it was all in my head and I should just flip a switch! LOL Yeah right! Like I really want to be depressed!!! WTF...But she finally saw that I am stable and she is more understanding now that I have talked with her more about it.
Maybe it is a lck of communication. IS he her only child? Maybe she is jealous. I think you should talk to her about how you feel regardless of what you think she is going to say....you never know it just night make things better! I was scared to do it myself but finally had enough. Yeah things got heated and we argues for a while...but it also got a lot of things solved! I hope things get better for you and if that doesn't work....then find someone who will love you for who you are and who's family will too! Don't let ugly people bring you down! Much love girl! :-)
2007-05-21 17:03:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me you can only find what is wrong with her. When I read your complaints, I see that she's given you a roof over your head, and some security when you couldn't find or hold down a job because of your mental disability. Be grateful that you are not living under a bridge like many others who suffer with mental illness. Any woman finds it difficult to share her domain with another woman. We tend to be territorial with our homes, and protective of our family members. If you,re feeling as though she has complained about you to others in the extended family, the best fix for that would be to put your game face on the first time you meet them and prove her wrong. The tongue ring, well, that's just offensive to some people and honestly, it kind of "screams" rebel and immature. If you want to be treated as an equal and an adult then behave like one.
2007-05-21 23:07:09 · answer #2 · answered by mom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like she's pretty much just jealous & threatened by you. Her son probably means quite a bit to her & to have his attention & love directed towards another woman is most likely very difficult for her. My only suggestion would be to avoid any type of conflict (yes this may be quite difficult) with her....don't give her reasons to criticize you. Most of her criticisms are probably unwarranted & her targeting your disorder is a low blow. Do your best to just smile, nod & abide by what she says. I know it's difficult, but here's the deal....you can't control how she treats you & you can't force her to like you...you CAN, however, control YOU. You can choose to be the better person. This really is HER issue. You could probably be the most amazing person on earth & she'd still find something wrong with you. Just do your best to be true to yourself & kind to her. Don't allow her to take control of your life...getting frustrated with her or angry, etc is probably amusing her & it may even be what she wants. Don't give her the reaction she wants. Be overly kind, considerate, & thoughtful. Show her how much you care about her son & that you're not looking to drive her out of the picture or steal his attention away from her. I don't know...I'm just blabbering on. I'm surprised your boyfriend hasn't jumped in to defend you? hmmm...good luck :)
2007-05-21 23:02:07 · answer #3 · answered by Peighton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe she is this way because SHE has been the woman in his life. No one will probably ever be good enough for her son, no matter who she is, she will find fault. This makes her feel superior. Sounds like she's very insecure herself, so she makes herself feel better by belittling you. Just be as sickening sweet as you can no matter how mad she makes you. Whatever you do, don't let her know she's getting to you, or she wins!
2007-05-21 23:14:27 · answer #4 · answered by che_rae_gra53 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother-in-law was just like that. She never said ONE nice thing to me in 30 yrs. If I picked her up in my car, she complained bec I didn't drive my wife's car. If I drove my wife's she complained that I didn't drive mine. Etc Etc. You can never please her. If you continue a relationship with your bf, she will be like that till she dies. But I still loved and slept with her daughter. We coped by staying in the same town (Chicago) but not living near her. That way we could drop by and visit her for coffee when we were out running errands, or go over for dinner or have her over. Our best friends moved 1000 miles away from her mother so her mom would come to visit for 3-4 weeks. I would be in prison for murder if my mil came to visit for 3 weeks. I repeat, you will never get her to back off and let you be. If you can't take it, then kiss your bf good bye. BTW, your bf should be standing up for you and running interference for you. If he is not doing that, then you need to find another bf. Take it from me. I put up with my mil for 31 yrs till she died. My wife always stuck up for me.
2007-05-21 23:09:41 · answer #5 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really like your boyfriend then you are just going to have to get used to this. If you can't handle it then maybe it's time to move on.
2007-05-21 23:03:45 · answer #6 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
by living in your own home and paying your own bills.
you chose to live with her and that is never a good thing to do...
quit your complaining and grow up
2007-05-22 00:01:55 · answer #7 · answered by KRIS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋