Serious question...serious answers please. Believers only!?

Question

I find myself in an odd situation and could use some advice.
First of all I am agnostic and really have no belief in God. Maybe thats why I find this so odd for me.
I have a friend who is Christian and I have no doubt he is in his heart or at least wants to be. I watch him and what he wants to be doing. Spreading the word is I suppose what you call it. He doesnt push..in fact he knows I am agnostic and is very patient with me. I can tell he is frustrated with my beliefs yet still remains calm.
The problem is I see him as a bigot in so many ways. Yes I know this sounds crazy and I dont mean it to be mean or harsh.
Some of the things he says like "such and such church is so wrong" or something negative about gays. I think maybe with me he uses me as a vent system and most likely doesnt go spouting these things off to the general public.
Yet it bothers me that he thinks this way. It bothers me because I think it is a major barricade to what he is trying to do. I think he really

wats to be closer to Jesus but it seems as if these predjudices block him.
I am not judging him mind you...its just something I see as an outsider looking in.
It really breaks my heart and has even made me cry some nights...my heart breaks for him.

My question is should I tell him these things. I mean I can in a careful way but I think it would hurt him.
Any advice?

Ps sorry this is so long.
Its weird because I dont yearn for what he does but I seem to see why he doesnt have what he yearns.

Answer 1

Why don't you say these things to him?
If he holds strong convictions about certain issues it may be a concerned judgment based on truth.
If you had a friend who criticized a witch doctor for prescribing superstitious practices to alleviate the sufferings of another, would you deem him uncharitable? It may be he really sees something that you are unaware of. I would agree he is being imprudent in discussing such issues with an unbeliever. He likely perceives in you a naturally sympathetic disposition.

"The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned."
I Corinthians 2:14

Answer 2

First I want to say that you seem like a great friend and caring person. You are acting like a true Christian even though you say you are not. I understand how your friend might feel sometimes because when you become closer to God you can almost empathize with how hurt He is when He sees His children turning from Him constantly. We as Christians can see how the world and society is becoming more and more accepting of things the Bible clearly states are wrong. While I am not condoning any comments I can understand your friends frustration. I personally think that it would be a good idea to sit down with your friend and gently tell him how you feel when he makes those remarks. It might help if you have another Christian friend that might be able to help you get across what your trying to say. That would depend on how close you are. He might be a little offended at first, but if he prays about it and looks closely into his heart he will understand that you are only saying something because you care about him. I hope you remember that he is not perfect and never will be no matter how close to God he gets. None of us are perfect and it is an everyday fight to be a good Christian when the world is so full of sin. Satan is always at the door trying to get in and mess us up. He knows our weaknesses and uses them to his advantage. Again your friend is lucky to have you in his life. Good luck and God bless you both.

Answer 3

Maybe you could help him.
I am a theist and I would say to him. Other people's sins are not his concern.
A lot of believers have this stumbling block, including me some times. It is frustration with what we see as the decay of society and what will eventually lead us all into a world of hurt here on the Earth.
In truth, believers really do love everyone. We tend to be a bit self-righteous at times to those we see as less then our perfect idea. Idealism is not a bad thing. Just misguided.
All believers should take a minute out of every hour to tell the 'sinners' or those we talk against and say something nice to them. Just to be nice. God is important, but so is our relationship with those we work with or live by.
If Jesus can't make the world perfect then how can our talking negatively about 'sinners' do us any good? Let God do it, if that's what you believe.
Don't worry about other people!
My minister told me onjce when I asked about someone else's sin, ' I am not worried about his sin, I am having trouble working through my own.' It doesn't get any truer than that.
Love the sinner and dislike the sin. Just don't keep recanting sin over and over because it makes you bitter and sinful.

Answer 4

You have a very delicate matter that needs to be handled with respect. Keep in mind that your friend is a person and like us all, has flaws.
When your friend expresses these comments to you, do you say anything to him? Do you voice your opinion as well when he makes negative comments about others? To some individuals silence is approval and acceptance of what they are saying and will possibly assume that you support their views.

Might I suggest that should this happen again express your opinion and inform him that you do not feel comfortable about him speaking about others that way. Explain to him how you feel about it. If you feel that everyone has the right to live the lifestyle they live or believe in what ever it is that they believe in.

Approach it to him on the Moral Values aspect and do not throw Religion in his face. In fact do not bring up religion at all. Let him know that you do not appreciate his bashing of others and feel that it is wrong. Let him know that you accept others for who they are not what they are. Just be two good friends talking and expressing each others views and opinions respectfully.

Afterwards give him some space to do some self-reflection but let him know that you are his friend and will be there for him.

Be a friend and tell him the truth respectfully. Do not argue, just tell him how you feel.

Best wishes to you,
Sam

P.S. BTW – I am an open-minded Christian

Answer 5

I'm a christian and it seems to me that he may in fact be a biggot. You see, he isn't perfect, (he is probably the first one to admit it) He has major flaws and one of them may be his prejudice. God is not done with him. What we call sanctification is a long and painfull process where God transforms you daily into somebody more like Jesus. Point is: He being a biggot (if in fact he is) does not invalidate the truth of the christian claim:
Jesus is the Son of God

He lived a perfect life. (Thus never deserving God's punishment)

He took God's punishment on the cross for all those who would one day trust in Him for the forgiveness of their sin.

He was raised from the dead on the 3rd day and lives forevermore.

If you place your faith in Him you will not perish but will live forever in absolute happiness

As for his opinions, I always ask people (including christians of course) how did you get to this conclusion? It sparks many great conversations.

Hope it helped at least a little.

Answer 6

Well, I am sure his beliefs in homosexuality or whatever won't change, but he must be aware with the "love your neighbor as yourself" scripture.
If you guys really are good friends you should be able to freely discuss matters like this with him.
He can still believe what he wants and even express it sometimes, but in a way that is respectful and not arrogant. Nobody will listen to him if they think he is just pompous and close minded anyway.
Tell him how hard it was for you to tell him these things because you respect him so much and hopefully he can do the same.
I hope he able to put into practice some of the things he teaches and things work out for you.
He may not think he is offending you personally, but by saying mean things and judging others, he is in fact offending you. He may be choosing you to release his innermost feelings, but maybe he does not act like that and say these things to everyday people. I'm guessing you would know that

Answer 7

If you have no belief in the Christian God then you are an atheist, not agnostic. Agnostic means you are questioning your belief in God. But you will find that real holy rollers call agnostics atheists anyway because they can only deal with absolutes.

It sounds like you have a great deal of love for this person, but if you give up your beliefs for someone else, what comes next. Be honest with him, tell him that you can stand behind him in letting him believe what he chooses, but that you aren't convinced and he will have to accept this. At that point you let fate work her magick.

The Christian religion is very condemning so you can expect that of he is this bigotted now, what will he be like later? Good luck.

Answer 8

it took me a long time to realize that because a church doesn't believe the same as me that they were not wrong, finally God told me that there are different beliefs because people are different, and we all grow at different levels. I have friends in almost every denomination now and we do agree on all of the important things.
and that is why most of the answers that you have gotten have different opinions
.if it was me I would want you to talk to me, your friend is still immature in the lord and has some room to grow,
the bible does say that homosexuality is a sin, but it also says that all sins are forgivable except one.
there are no good sins, or bad sins, they are all simply sins.
I have several friends that are homosexuals, and we accept each other for who we are not what we are.
talk to him.

Answer 9

As a friend I think you should be as patient with him as he is with you, Talk to him if it is bothering you to the point of depression, because then that would make this a unhealthy friendship. If he is your friend then tell him how you feel and chances are he will still be your friend. But just give him a chance to speak his peace so that way you may understand the reason why he is the way he is. After you tell him then it is your turn to understand his feelings and then it will all be out in the open. I hope that I have helped you.

Answer 10

Yes, you do need to talk to him, if for no other reason than to say "you know, we obviously don't agree on a few things and your opinions on them are sound so hateful to me that I really can't listen. Can we agree to disagree?"

There's a fine line between "hating" something that you feel is truly against what you find to be morally and ethically right (and in this case, religiously right) and truly hating something with all the passion and negativity that is not of God, to use religious terms. To put things in language he would understand, I'm sure Jesus saw plenty that he did NOT like, but he didn't often go around spouting negativity about it.