im never upset over death..?

Question

i loved my mom so much she was my closest friend, i loved her more than anything ......im an only child and im 14, she died in 2 months of finding out her desiese .its been 6 months and im never rely upset , i was upset but not that upset at the start,im never sad about it noe.whats wrong with me

Answer 1

There;s nothing wrong with you honey - you are 14 with your whole life ahead. I'm betting your Mom knew she was much loved. Often, sadness is caused by guilt - maybe I didn't do enough...maybe they didn't know.... etc

I'd say you KNOW you made your Mom happy, and she passed away knowing she had all your love. No greater gift could have been given to her by anyone.

So now ... you go on, missing her sometimes, remembering the good times... and be the person she wanted you to be.

Everyone grieves in their own way

Answer 2

It's very, very possible you are still in the very first stage of grief, denial... The sorrow in denial is very minimal, it's how people get through funerals, etc.... It took my niece (who was your age) about 2 years to start recognizing her grief over my sister's (her mom's) death... 2 years... But even if you aren't (and even if you are, you'll think you aren't)... there's nothing WRONG with you, it could be that you dealt with it during the time before her passing. That happens sometimes with people around someone who's death is expected. At any rate, your feelings are yours, and you shouldn't let anyone judge them for you. If you felt sorrow, and it seems you did, then you aren't a sociopath or a psychopath... so you feel what you feel. I'm sorry for your loss, and don't let anyone on here tell you that you're crazy. If you feel like you need help understanding yourself, seek the advice of an EXPERIENCED grief counselor or psychologist. Again, I'm sorry and there's nothing WRONG with however you feel, they are your feelings and really can't be judged against someone else's.

Answer 3

I'm not speaking about your situation inperticular but I think not being upset over dealth is actually kinda healthy. I think this because one time I was at a funeral and everyone was crying except my cousin. I asked her why she wasn't upset, she explained to me that being upset when someone dies is actually a selfish act. Your upset because of your loss, your not thinking of how the person is with God or other loved ones, or out of pain if they were in any. Its just there time, sure you get alittle upset and sad for a couple days or something depending on the depth of your relationship. Everyone is different but I think your ok. Good Luck though with these types of things. Kim

Answer 4

Sometimes people do there greiving while there love one are a live. Or the greiving process may take a while and grab you you unawhere. People grieve in there own way.They get angry ,blame god, kick a brick wall or cry. Me i lost my daughter 17 years ago (Trace would of been 34 this year). I start crying, One thing i know you never get over the pain, you just learn to live with it.To help your greiving talk about it.I love talking about Tracey and i know i will see her again.Think of the fun times.Best thing you can do is have a good life as they will be watching from above

Answer 5

Dearest Shauna,

Not everyone gets upset over death. Some don't until a later stage after a period of whats called displacement. You displace grief because that is the easiest way for your mind to handle it whilst maintaining your psyche. Displacement can last for short periods, or long periods.

If you don't think you grieve in a normal manner, you should seek a support group. Otherwise, there is a good chance that you may be one of the lucky few that has her in your living memory.

Answer 6

The process of greiving is different for everyone! When your mom was sick (maybe with her help, and the rest of your family) you were able to come to terms with her illness and her death. Relationship before, during and after leaves a big impact on how well you adjust to the new situation. Since you stated your mom was your best friend, you knew how much she loved you and you learned to love yourself also. Don't be afraid to allow yourself to cry and feel sad, it doesn't make you weak. There are 5 stages for coping with death and dying (The five stages go in progression through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.) The book On Death & Dying was written by Elisabeth Kübler Ross, M.D. many years ago - you may want to check it out.

I am the mother of a 5 year old and I hope to instill in him something I heard many years ago (if I get sick & die), REMEMBER ME WITH JOY AND HAPPINESS, BUT, IF YOU NEED REMEMBER ME WITH TEARS AND SADNESS THEN DON'T REMEMBER ME AT ALL!

I wish you well on your journey and peace in your life, hope this helps!

Answer 7

I too lost my mother in July of 2006. I'm sad sometimes.I am old enough to be your grandmother and had my mother many more years than you. I miss her so much, I am a christian and believe in the bible. which says to be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord. So I have my hope in the scriptures. My mother was saved so I know she is with the Lord. Be grateful and thank God he has given you peace. That's sweet. He loves you. There is nothing wrong with you. Be happy for that is what your mom would want for you. Of course sometimes you will have bad moments. that's o:k too. Thank God your mother did not have to lay and suffer a long time. That's the beauty God gave you to not have to watch. You are so blessed darling.

Answer 8

There is nothing wrong with you. Your first two sentences said it all. You loved your mother deeply and you considered her your closest friend. Your only regret is that she was taken so soon. Much of our grief is tied up with regrets. We regret the things that we did not do or say when our loved on was alive. Then we become riddled with guilt and that only tends to deepen our sorrow. Thank goodness that is not the case with you. When you had with her here you cherished her. Do you know how rare you are?
If the tables were turned, if you were the one who died. Would you want your mother to be crippled with grief? I think not. You would want her to remember you fondly( as you do her) and to get on with her life. Do you think she would want any less for you?

Answer 9

Nothing is wrong with you. It's actually nice that you're not always moping around. Some ppl get upset over death easily, and others don't. When my grandfather died i was sad, but now i just remember happy times with him. As long as you hold her in your thoughts sometimes, that's all that matters. Hope this helps you.

Answer 10

I believe that it simply means one of two things. One: you could just not be as sensitive about death by nature, and that is not something bad. The other possibility is that you have closed off a bit; that it was so painful at the time, that your mind automatically wants to protect you from that pain. And that is also not bad. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

P.S. - I am quite sorry about the loss of your mother. I can only imagine.