I want my boyfreind to not be so much of a momma's boy, to realize responsibilities in life, What can I do?!?!

Question

He just gets everything handed to him, and he is 26... his rent paid, EVERYTHING.
I can't handle it, because I want him to go to college, he even is very interested in things in college, but he gets everything handed to him, and never has to do anything, I am afraid he is gonna get used to that way of life.
What can I do to make him not rely on his mom so much?

Answer 1

You can't change the way a guy is raised.

Unfortunately for you the best thing for you would be to find a guy who has already learned the lesson on how to work etc. Or just go without a guy, there is the offset chance however unlikely that he may see your point. But you cannot instil vallues, sorry. I would just leave him and tell him it is a ard thing to do but you need somebody who takes more responsibility and more drive to push his life where he wants it instead of wherever he can get it for free; a guy who wants to build something of his own to share with you. Maybe he will grow up and then you can look him up, probably not. But while he is with you, well, you are just giving him a relationship if he isn't paying the price of admission. Find a guy who is a hard worker, who has desire to better himself and enjoy it. My hubby doesn't have a college degree, but he has worked hard and pushed his abilities to the limit, he is now one of the highest paid in town in his field. Of course he was pretty much on his own before 14ys even, but anyways. That said and its point is college wont do it for him either, his momma has to or he has to be in circumstances that force him to man-up.

He is already used to everything being handed to him, that doesn't take long. He probably is a great sweat guy, but you don't want to be his momma, he has one and it sounds like she can't let go and let him make a man out of himself. This is sad, but true. Some moms tend to do too much for their children thinking it will help them. My mom totally screwed up my brother, being the oldest I now don't begrudge all the free bees she did for him, he doesn't even do his own laundry at 22. Be careful because this is the kind of guy who subconsciously looks for a woman similar to mom, with mom-like qualities. Then a "partnership" doesn't equal out, I tease about having one extra kid, but this wouldn't be funny if I really had to mother my husband. And you aren't offering some free ride here, you are worth more than free!

God bless, hopefully this gives you a little encouragement to seek what you really want and what is really worth it. If he isn't the one, then you will run into another, never give up!

Answer 2

Oh honey i've been there!!!!! My ex was a MAJOR mamma's boy and let her and his sis run his life!!! She gave him everything until he turned into a lazy *** who did nothing all day but play games.

I'm telling you leave! you can't change him! Women need to learn that you can't change men. If this is something that you can't handle and I expect very few women now a days could then leave.

You can find someone who fits you better in respect to working hard, and having a life outside of his mother.

Having everything handed down to you at 26 is a BAD road to go down the only person who has the cards in her hands to change him is his mom and or parents.

The ones that are providing everything for him can force him to wake up and GROW UP!

But if they don't then your hands are tied and believe me if he gets used to that kind of life when he leaves and gets married he'll expect it and it will put a major strain on the marriage.

my advice speaking solely from experience is leave.

Answer 3

JENN? Are you dating my ex-husband? LOL, Just kidding. Distance yourself from the woman. I lived in the same yard with my mom in law for 1 1/2 yr...... 1 1/2 yr too long. I really loved her but it was horribly bad for our relationship (me and ma in law) to be that close to each other, geographically. We moved a little farther away (still well within driving range) and it helped immensely. They didn't come by as often and I think it helped her to see that he could be self-sufficient. It probably took an emotional toll on her always wondering if he was ok on his own. At least he isn't suffering through his time worrying about bills like we were. Once my husband became less dependent (with lots of b****ing from me) on her, he could be a man. A man only has room for one woman in his life. Cut the apron strings MEN!

Answer 4

Well, here's the deal, I hate to put it this way, but it's not your job to teach him, train him, or get him to realize his responsibilities. A man needs a woman who believes in him. It's like the bad kid in school, give him a little responsibility and he'll accept. Show him you believe in him and be patient, he will fail a few times but will soon wake up and take the reins. Be patient, he'll come around. He needs to know you believe in him, so DON'T NAG HIM!! If you nag him, all you'll do is beat him down more and he'll never try out of fear of failing. I hope this helps. It's something my girlfriend and I are going through right now, and i'm speaking from experience. It'll happen. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

His parents are tying to help him but let him know that in reality they are doing wrong, good intentions at times could be bad. Does he works? tell him to save his money and little by little to break off from the parents. Just tell him that you feel he won't know what is the real world! and what is he going to do one day that his parents can't pay for his living? You need to teach him how the real world is all about but, if you think this is too much work for you! then you need to move on! and find somebody else.

Answer 6

WOW...i was thinking this was a teenage problem till i opened it...26 is a lil extreme. If dude doesnt want to let go of mommas help then there is nothing you can do. Assuming you've had a real heart to heart about the situation to tell dude life is a lil harder than he thinks it is, then id let him go....let him find someone who is just as spoiled and let them do their things off momma n daddy forever haha...thats crazy!

Answer 7

There is no way that you can make him change. It is up to his momma to push him out of the nest. You can help him realize what happens to mamma's boys by dumping him and letting him know why. If he loves you he will get out on his own and work hard to win you back. If not, you'll know you made the right decision to leave.

Answer 8

If you take him from his mom, he'll just make you his mom eventually, and no problem would have been solved.

He needs some discipline. How about taking up some martial arts? He's a guy he'll like that. Other then the military (which sounds like you wouldn't like) would give him a lot of self confidence and discipline so he can do things on his own.

Answer 9

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but only HE can make himself grow up. And this is very difficult when your life has been made very easy by your parents...trust me, I know from personal experience.

Ultimately, it has to come from a sense of health pride and maturity to want to accomplish something of value on one's own...and it doesn't sound from your brief description your BF has made much headway in that direction.

But as they say, you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Gently begin talking to him about what YOU find most attractive in a guy for the long haul...namely, independence, drive to make it on his own, willingness to stand on one's own feet no matter if it means relative poverty...in other words, character.

Hope this helps, best to you both.

Answer 10

You tend to learn this from experience, telling him to grow up wont work. For someone to initiate self-change they need a reason as to why their current approach to life isnt working (if that makes sence).

You could talk to him initially, that will spark him thinking of it. Perhaps college will help him to grow up and take responcibility also.