How can you help your friends, without judging them?

Question

if it's wrong to judge, how can you tell your friends that what they're doing with their life is wrong? to try and help them?

Answer 1

Depends... If they're "wrong" due your *your* myths, hang-ups and superstitions, stay the heck out of it (it's NOT your biz)...
(If they're "wrong" in this way, it's actually *you* that's *wrong*.)

If they're "wrong" due laws, then try anything - peer pressure, logic, love, counselling.

Answer 2

There's a big difference between judging someone and having an opinion. If (in your opinion) a friend needs help, then help them . You didn't mention what kind of help they need so giving a good answer may be difficult. All I can do is offer examples and hope one of them fits the situation.

If a friend is addicted to drugs, that's not a judgement, it's a fact. helping them would be an act of kindness...just as Jesus tells us to do.

If a friend is a thief or is doing something else that's illegal, again, that's fact, not judgement. If your opinion is that continuing that lifestyle is harmful to them, then voice your opinion without saying "you're wrong for doing that".

If however, a friend is living a decadent lifestyle, spending all their money on booze and women and you feel that it's in their best interest to stop this kind of activity, search your heart first and determine if your motives are governed by a sincere desire to help or because you've judged their actions to be wrong.

Judgment is when you say "What he's doing is wrong" whereas an opinion is "I don't agree with what he's doing but it's his life and it's between him and God".

I have a friend that has four kids. He spends his money on drugs instead of food and often misses work because he just won't get out of bed. My opinion is that he should change his ways for the sake of the kids but on the other hand, what he does is between him and God. I've offered advice such as "doing crack is not healthy and it eats up all your money" or "brother, you need to go to work today, there's no food in the fridge" Both of these are my opinion based on facts,. I don't judge him but I believe his children's need for food is more important that his drug habit.

I hope this answers your question.

Answer 3

It depends on what they are doing, and who's definition of wrong it falls under.

For example: if someone is addicted to drugs, and they're losing everything they have, you can point this out to them in a non-judgmental way. You can caringly suggest that they need to get help. Being "judgmental" comes into play when a person acts like they've never done anything wrong and have the right to make determinations about other people's lives. If a person's actions are obviously detrimental to their lives, a good friend would point this out to them.

But if by "wrong", you mean immoral ... well, morality is relative.

Answer 4

Luke 6:37 "Do not judge, and you will not be judged..."

The world and many Christians today often takes this verse out of context and uses it to accuse Christians of being "judgmental" when they speak of sin. In the context of the verse Jesus is telling His disciples not to judge one another, something the Bible condemns (Romans 14:10; James 4:11). In Luke 6:41,42 He speaks of seeing a speck in a brother’s eye. In John 7:24 He said, "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment." If someone steals, lies, commits adultery or murder, etc., the Christian can make a (righteous) moral judgment and say that the actions were morally wrong, and that these sins will have eternal consequences. Chuck Colson said, "True tolerance is not a total lack of judgment. It’s knowing what should be tolerated—and refusing to tolerate that which shouldn’t"

Answer 5

Pointing out pros and cons of a situation is not judging if you stick to the facts only.

Sometimes people need to take the fall and no matter what someone wants to do that can't be stopped, however when they've taken the fall and want help getting back up is when one should be there to help because that is really when they are the most vulnerable and need it the most.

Answer 6

what do u mean by judging???
do u mean declaring and ordering people around?
if that's the case, then u should just suggest to them that they're doing something wrong, leaving key words.
by the way, why would u not want to judge them?
is there a problem with it?

Answer 7

Well if their doing something stupid like drugs then its your duty as a friend to be honest with them.You could lie to them and remain on good terms with them,but then they become something you wouldn't want to associate yourself with.

It becomes a headache,so you got the option of being honest,and a chance of losing a friend or lieing while they turn into something you dislike and having to deal with the BS.

To me its better to be straight forward with them.Sometimes you have to offend people to get them thinking.I did it for years while my friend was doing any drug he could,he stole money from me,there was always an excuse,he lied constantly.

But if it has to do with a religious matter then leave it alone,love and friendship is greater then religion any day.
If by trying to help them,your trying to preach then you need to shut up.

If you think its so wrong their living their life diffrently, then your really not a friend.

Answer 8

Just tell them that you would like to give themyour opinion on what they're doing. Tell them what you think and say it's only a suggestion, because it doesn't look right in your way of seeing. Say it's only friend advice, no more (if they give a fit or anything)

Answer 9

First stop seeing everything as black and white, right or wrong. Start thinking in terms of options. If you ae in communication with The Spirit of truth then ask for the underlying need that is not being met. Once that need is met, the desire for the obsessive compulsiveness will diminish.

Answer 10

You can't. You can point out the effects of their choice, but simplifying the situation down to "wrong" is the error that keeps us out of Eden.

Adam and Eve ate of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.

We eat of it still.

Wonderful parable, that. Great wisdom behind it, true or not.

Answer 11

It's not up to you to judge. It is not your right to offer assistance with an issue that you think is wrong unless the person asks for it. You CAN help them by being an example of Christ and by praying for them.

Better yet -- let them know you are praying for them. If they ask you why.....then you can bring it up :)