Sometimes I feel as if my son doesn't have everything he needs and I'm not a good enough mom for him. He's almost 2 so I don't know if adoption is a good option.
2007-05-21 11:44:28 · 32 answers · asked by Kate 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
Kate, I am sorry to hear that. But, how would you describe "everything"? If that means material things like toys, don't worry. Kids don't need that. If you mean time he spends with you, love him when you ARE around.
Can you explain why you think you are "not good enough"?
p.s. If you REALLY, TRUELY can not provide for the child, then giving him up for adoption is the best you can do for him. BUT, please, please think about it very carefully before you do that. It's heartbreaking for you and if you decide to get your son back, it will be heartbreaking for him and the adoptive parents.
Do you have family counseling around where you live? As someone mentioned, perhaps it's depression, which is temporary. A lot of mothers feel inadequate, but children are resilient and so long as you keep them healthy, interact with them and give them love, believe me, you are doing a great job as a mother.
2007-05-21 11:51:03 · answer #1 · answered by strongblackcoffee 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I feel adoption is the most selfless(NOT SELFISH) thing any mother would do for her child. If you know you cannot give your child the life you want for them then yes adoption is an option. But if your simply feeling like you're not good enough, I think you should definitally get some councilling, because you don't want a decision you will forever regret. You may just be going through post-partum depression(yes you can still have it 2 years later) Or just depression, If you are poor there are things out there to help you though. No money and not being able to provide doesn't mean you don't deserve your child. God gave you this baby! I hope you see a therapist though, it may do you some true good. Don't let others bring you down either or pressure you into anything. Adoption is an option but maybe not necessary ok! Good luck and God bless
2007-05-21 12:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by Chrys 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
No, it's not wrong to consider adoption, but it may not be necessary. I'm a mom of 7 & was adopted as an infant, so i'm not pushing either on you. I'm sure all good parents have doubts & wonder if they're giving their child the best home or up-bringing at one time or another. sometimes when we don't have much to give we might think of letting our child go to another "better" home, but if we wait & try our hardest, things usually work out & then we are glad we didn't do anything like that after all.
If you truley don't have enough for your son, don't be afraid of adoption. Many good people would love to have a young child to love & raise & can't have one of their own.
Only you can make the decision, but take your time, your son needs you, if it's at all possible.
2007-05-21 12:02:13 · answer #3 · answered by momv 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what you feel your son is missing, but EVERY mom in the world feels at some time like she's not a good mom or is not giving her child enough. Your son is bonded to you. You are the only mom he's known. It would hurt him tremendously to be given up at this age, so yes, I think it would be wrong to give him up for adoption. If there's something really extreme going on, like drug use (not saying that's the case, it's just an example) or you feel like you'll hurt him, then you should reach out to someone for help, maybe close relatives. If it's financial, can you reach out to relatives or to a local church or charity? Hang in there, and I'll say a prayer for you. Your little boy really does need you!
2007-05-21 11:57:25 · answer #4 · answered by ChristyH 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you say everything do you mean "material items" that are unnecesary?
When your son looks at you, does he look at you with love and him knowing that you will always be there for him. Being a good mom doesn't mean what you can always buy for him, it means how much you love him. You keep him safe from harm, you help him when he is sick, you are the building block to knowledge and he loves you for anything you give him.
My kids don't have everything either, but ya know what, I betchya my relationship with my children are just a little better than those who always buy their kids things. Just because material items are factored in our lives, some people forget about the love.
Do you honestly think that giving your child up for adoption because of money, is worth it? Imagine how you are going to feel 10, even 20 years down the road? You will have that void and even having more children will not fill that gap. You keep your child and provide the necessities of life. When you can do things for him, do. He will appreciate more for the little things.
Just look into your sons eyes, and remember he is yours. Love him and cherish him until the end of time.
2007-05-21 15:41:02 · answer #5 · answered by jesterthemutt2006 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As in all difficult choices you will need to look at every aspect of making this choice. I empathize with you because I made the decision to place my child 10 years ago. It wasn't just about the material things but the emotional needs as well. Materialistic things are nice but for me it was also about when would I spend time with my child, who would be raising my child while I worked two jobs. What quality of life could I offer? I found the perfect couple who really spend a lot of time with my child, providing a loving supportive environment. I chose an open adoption and receive pictures and letters every year. I can not undo the choice but I take comfort knowing that she is happy, healthy, adored and loved. It took me 4 months of serious review of all of my reasons before making the decision. This is the last decision anyone should make based on emotion, or because they can't buy things. I wish you the best. Whatever decision you make will be the right one.
2007-05-21 12:35:37 · answer #6 · answered by carpathian mage 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely, adoption is a great option! There are many couples out there that are looking for a child to adopt. A lot of adoption procedures are geared toward helping the birth mother. If you choose the right agency you should have a big say in who adopts your child. Sounds like you have some big decisions ahead, do you have a minister or pastor you can speak with about this decision? Perhaps your family doctor can get you in touch with resources that can help you make this tough decision. I can tell from your question that you are a brave woman who loves their child enough to consider this decision. Best of luck to you.
2007-05-21 13:55:38 · answer #7 · answered by Desert Rat 729 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No that is not wrong. You are thinking of your child's needs and that makes you a great mom. It takes a very mature woman to know when she is in too far and needs to make a change. Parenting is tough for everyone, every stage and every step has its challenges. If you know you are not providing for his needs and cannot be a mom because of your unique circumstances I think adoption is a great choice. Make sure though that you are not being to hard on yourself. Children don't need everything. They must have food, clothing, medical care, a home, and lots and lots of love. If you can provide those you are doing OK.
I just adopted a little guy and his mom relinquished her rights when he was about 1 year. She knew she could not give him the life he deserved, I admire her everyday for her unselfish decision.
Good luck!!!
2007-05-21 11:57:29 · answer #8 · answered by Oh me oh my...♥ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I gave up a child for adoption when I was 16 because I could not take care of her and had no family support. You dont mention how old you are and if you have any help with your son but I can tell you that it was the hardest thing in my life that I ever did - 19 years ago. I would advise talking to a professional before doing anything so drastic. Every mother has times when they dont feel that they are doing a good job and feel doubts. With the benefit of hindsight now, I honestly believe that a child is best with their natural parent unless the situation is one of abuse or addiction. Good luck. I know its hard being a mom but if you love your child then you will figure things out
2007-05-21 11:56:29 · answer #9 · answered by selery222 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
What do you mean in that you don't feel you are a good enough mom? If he properly fed, clothed, and bathed? Is it all too much for you to handle? There's a difference in feeling like an inadequate parent because you can't afford to buy him lots of things and then feeling inadequate because you leave him attended and sleep on the couch all day. This is something you need to look within yourself for and see if you can improve. I grew up very poor but I never knew it til I was older because I had food and clothes and my family loved me and nutured me. I'm sure at times they felt guilty because they couldn't give me material things but when I look back on my childhood I only remember what I did have, not that my parents could never afford to take me to Disney world or afford to get me braces. Adoption would be a responsible choice if you determine that you just cannot do it and be a responsible parent. But remember that it's permanent.
2007-05-21 13:37:34 · answer #10 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋