I already have 5 bridesmaids and he has 5 groomsmen. His mother wants all the cousins in the family (ages 2-11) in the wedding. I have attended plenty of family gatherings and know the kids pretty well, but I don't want children in the wedding. I don't have any family of mine close enough to ask. and have not asked friends with kids (who i am close to) so as not to upset MIL. She wants 2 jr. bridesmaids 2 flower girls 2 jr groomsmen and 1 ringbearer and i don't want any of this. its my wedding am i wrong to stand up for what i want?
the groom is adamant about them being in the wedding because he doesn't want to fight with his mom over it. i am adamant about not having 7 kids that aren't that close to me in my wedding. i have agreed to one flower girl and one ring bearer, some young ushers and greeters to try and compromise. this apparently isn't enough for MIL.
any thoughts?
and please don't be rude, i agreed to a football wedding for him-so i'm not entirely bridezilla
2007-05-21 10:39:28 · 20 answers · asked by sKOoter 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If you've agreed to have a football wedding, you should have a lot more leeway! Stand your ground on this. If your groom is still adamant, threaten to take his football wedding away. I'm not sure how I feel about groom's expressing such strong tastes about weddings. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for equality, but it seems like some men will get so fussy about something that they've never even thought of before, while many women think about their weddings before they even meet the groom. Has he really always dreamed of a football wedding? Probably not.
It's your wedding, you've already made enough concessions. You're not even close to a bridezilla. Your bridesmaids are supposed to be people you're close to who support you on your wedding day. No reason to pick little kiddies you aren't close to. If you really feel you have to compromise further, then have the children all sing a song, either at the wedding or reception.
2007-05-21 11:22:23 · answer #1 · answered by Flamekat 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
LOL you aren't a bridezilla at all....I ended up having too many kids in my wedding (due to family pressure) and hun, it was a DISASTER! Kids are not church friendly...one decided he had to go poop 1/2 way down the isle, one girl refused to even walk and HOWLED, another ran the whole way down and knocked over some flowers in front, and my husband's wedding band, was swallowed by the ring bearer (have the x-ray in my wedding album)
then the reception - I won't even get into....
you have every right in the WORLD to put your foot down and say NO to children in your wedding. Tell your coward of a husband to be that this is YOUR day - and you will not have kids in the wedding - and if he has a problem with that he can marry his mother.
Have him read my horror story, and I can elaborate further if you need me to...but as someone who has been there I BEG you...at the very minimum a ring bearer and flower girl...but NO MORE!
2007-05-21 10:46:51 · answer #2 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
ELOPE!!! then come back & have a BIG reception....NO HASSLE!!!!!
Or
Explain to the mother-in-law that this is YOUR wedding & it IS your decision whom you choose to have as your attendants. If YOU do NOT want jr. Bridesmaids, flowergirls & ringbearers, tell her that & then tell her that the decision is YOURS to make & you have made it.
She will most likely pitch a fit, but do NOT let her bully you & do NOT let her ruin YOUR day!!!! Standing up to her now could save you a lot of hassle down the road!!! She will know, HOPEFULLY that you will NOT be pushed around & that although you will bend, you will NOT be bullied!!!!
All My Best to You & Your Future Husband!!! Congratulations!!!! Hope All Works Out Well for the two of you!!!!
2007-05-21 11:49:31 · answer #3 · answered by More Lies & More Smoke Screens 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your MIL is being ridiculous. Im so sick and tired of hearing about these women who try to butt into the wedding plans. It is you and your fiance's wedding for god's sake. Tell him to stand up and be a man and tell her to back off as it is not her wedding. You've already conceded to a flower girl and a ring bearer as well as the ushers and greeters and the football wedding. Tell him this is your wedding too and you would like to have it the way you want it and not do things to suit his mother. If he cant stand up to her now, then he's not gonna stand up to her in the future and believe me from the sounds of it she is going to be butting into a lot of issues in your marriage. I dont think you're being a bridezilla at all, in fact sounds like she is.
2007-05-21 11:19:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
That sounds more like romper room than a bridal party! I would say NO WAY to that in a heartbeat. I am amazed you have been able to keep it together this long, so kudos to you on that.
The 3 of you should go to lunch, and tell them what your decision is. You are right, its your wedding, and things will be crazy enough as it is that day. The last thing you need is an army of kids running around for pictures and whatnot. I think your compromises are completely fair.
2007-05-21 10:46:55 · answer #5 · answered by Dr25 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A football wedding? You poor thing.
Weddings can be such stressful bummers, especially when MIL's want to live through them vicariously. A good way to solve this might be to have the church music director work with all the kids to sing one song at your wedding. They can be the "Special Guest Music" That way, you don't have to worry about all those kids marching up and down the isle, finding a place for them, etc. My friend did this at his wedding, when his Mother was adament he include all the kids. It was very sweet. The kids could all stand up there together...even the little ones...and when they were done, they went back and sat down with their parents.
Might be the easiest alternative. And while I don't think you have to do this to please your MIL, remember...you gotta live with her a very long time. Twenty years from now, you don't want her still nagging on the topic that you discluded her precious neices and nephews.
Grin and bear it, football bride!!
2007-05-21 10:46:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
to appease the groom and MIL, by all means have the kids in the wedding, BUT by doing other things that are not part of the actual ceremony (someone needs to pass out whatever it is that will be thrown at you at the end of the party, someone needs to be the directions person, etc) make up jobs for the kids to have (that make them (and the goom/mil) feel a part of the wedding without worrying about it destroying your ceremony
2007-05-21 11:19:16 · answer #7 · answered by Lana L 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ask the groom who he would rather fight with the mother he won't live with or the wife that he will live with for the rest of his life. You need to talk to him and compromise. I see people say it's YOUR day well it is HIS day too. It is just one day in your long marriage discuss that you agreed to th football wedding and you need him to compromise too.
2007-05-21 12:34:21 · answer #8 · answered by bubbles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You only get one wedding like this. Tell the MIL to go pound sand. If you don't assert yourself (politely) now then she'll keep trying to run things. You're the woman in your (soon to be) husband's life now. Time for MIL to take a back seat.
2007-05-21 10:49:29 · answer #9 · answered by Dubberino 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds to me like he expecting you to do all the giving in. I would be a little concerned because it doesn't get better as the years go on. I would think this one thru. If he is so worried about what mom wants all the time you may not live up to his expectations of what he and mom expect from you.
2007-05-21 10:45:01 · answer #10 · answered by yvonneras 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋