Shared custody, parenting issues, Should I contact someone higher?

Question

I'm engaged with another man, have been with him more than 3 years. My son is also 3. His father lives with his mother, who babysits my son. On my way to pick up my son a few months ago, Jordans father was laughing because my son was in his backyard, pooping on the side walk naked. They have a chain-link fence. I told them I thought it was innappropriate, but they thought nothing of it. Summer time, I bought my son swim trunks only to find out that his grandmother lets him swim naked so he wouldn't wear them. Days ago, I went to pick him up and he was on the side walk in front of their house, butt naked, his grandmother holding his underwear and pants,watching him try to point his member in a little hole in the ground to pee in. Which he succeeded. I saw him and was amazed that she was letting him do this. A few days ago, he tried to pee in my plants when she was dropping him off. And she says "You're not a my house so you have to pee in the potty" Should they only be my rules?

Answer 1

No you should be setting rules that are appropriate for society. I think they may be doing something to make you upset not thinking how it is going to affect the child.

I would suggest counseling or parenting classes for him.

Answer 2

Gosh you are really in a pickle, but you are his mother and regardless you need to take control of this situation. You and father dearest need to have an understanding on what is appropriate and was in not appropriate behavior and tell Granny she needs to do it your way period.

Little ones running around naked can make us giggle but what is the message Grandma is sending to your son when it's happening all of the time? Honestly it is funny for them and they do find the humor in it and your son is feeding on it. You do need to talk to your ex and set ground rules and if the rules can not be followed find another care taker. Granny should follow your appropriate behavior period. You are the one responsible until he is of legal age and she needs to be reminded but mother and father have to get together and let her know.

If his father brushes you off and thinks it's ok for his mom to allow it to happen, you cover your hinny and contact your lawyer so it is documented. Keep a journal of each day these occurances happen because a judge will believe a paper trail over all.

Answer 3

While it may be effective it only confuses him. Why is it ok here but not there. I'd get another babysitter for the time being and limit his time there. Once the potty has been established, then let him go back to that. Also keep records of this write it all down with date and times. The court feels if you are diligent enough to record it, it's important. Good luck. I know I had to talk to my son about how this wasn't appropriate. And yeah the ex in laws thought it was funny too, every crossed eyed banjo picking one of them.

Answer 4

I have heard that women do it in much less aggressive ways. I'm taking a Japanese Society class now, and we spent a whole lecture talking about suicide. It is not seen as bad as it is in the US, or as taboo. There are four types of suicide in Japan. There is altruistic suicide, dying for the group. There is a parent-child suicide. There was a case in Cali, where a Japanese women walked into the ocean with her 2 kids committing suicide, because her husband was having an affair. This is not uncommon for divorced people to do in Japan. Also, 6 in 100 writers commit suicide. It's almost a tradition there. Then there is the depressed kind of depression. I think in the US, an alarming number of seniors commit suicide. I don't think society as a whole is doing anything about this group of people.

Answer 5

this is an issue you need to settle with your son father, not with a lawyer ect. It sucks, but when custory is shared kids will live by different rules in different houses. As he gets older he will understand the difference and follow the appropriate rules. Your ex and his family will have alot of problems down the road if they continue to be this permissive!!

Answer 6

you need to talk to your son's father about parenting practices. when your son goes to school, he's going to get into a lot of trouble. you have whatever rules you want at your house, but your son needs to learn that such behavior won't be acceptable anywhere but at grandma's house. was his dad raised like that? I'd want to keep him away from her as much as possible. are you the custodial parent? you should call the shots on what your son learns.

Answer 7

Wow hon remember 2 homes 2 sets of rules. However my husband brought into our marraige a daughter and her moms rules are different then ours (ours more strict). As for letting him run buck naked outside maybe you should contact social services about this. The grandmother might not think nothing of it since when she was raising her kids and she was young it could have been acceptable but times change. Talk with them if they still let him run naked contact social services on them

Answer 8

i would take my son away this child is getting confuse and in the end the child will think that you are the enemy the dull boring parent who is preventing him from been cool you have standards obviously they dont try and get your son to live with you where you can teach him how to opperate in society i am sure he wont be able to pee in the plant at work when he is older these behaviours we learn when we are young leads us to behaviours we have as adults

Answer 9

You're the mother. You have a say. Sit and talk with the father and tell him how you feel about this behavior.

Answer 10

what should be and what is going to be are 2 different things

you can give them rules and try and make them fallow them but you know they wont as soon as your gone they will let him do what they think is OK you have to decide is this behavior hurting him and should he be around then and if not what are you going to do about it