Why is my girlfriend making me wait?

Question

We've been together close to two years, suffered 2 breakups but she always came back to me. Well this kid she's never met in person (he talked to her through myspace while we broke up) keeps texting her and stuff and I get really pissed off, she claims she doesnt text him back and he's harmless anyway, like she doesnt think anything of him and never has. Well the night before last she slept over and I went and looked through her phone and he texted her, but she didnt text him, I still got mad and flipped out about it but she flipped out even more, so now we're broken up. She says she wants to be with me, but doesnt know what she really wants bc she feels I dont trust her and never believe what she says and that I always accuse her. I explained why I do all of that and she's like I just dont know and says "I'll call you later, love you." So is she really thinking, or is she just making me wait while she talks to other guys (she says she doesnt). She's 19 and I'm 21.

I guess I should mention we love eachother very much, and I understand how she must feel if she doesnt think I trust her, but the other night we had a talk that whatever fight we get into we need to just work through it, because we both want to spend the rest of our lives together and we both said nothing can get between us, but she's saying I'm letting this kid who texts her get between us. Should I really assume she's thinking about us, or if she is seeing who else is out there. She left me at #1 on her myspace, but in her "who I'd like to meet" she said "people with shinin' baby blues." This is sorta telling me she's looking for someone else, but she tells me she isnt, I just dont wanna wait for nothing.

I dont think you're really reading what I'm saying. She wasnt seeing anybody when we broke up, and this kid used to text her because she likes my ex's friend. I should have added that, and I should add she told him not to text her anymore, but he still did anyway, thats not her fault. She tells me that whether he texts her or not that it isnt gonna come between us because we love eachother. This is my fault, and I messed up, I have no problem admitting that, but everyone telling me to forget about her doesnt make sense. It isnt her fault that I invaded her privacy, so she has the right to wonder if she wants me. I more so was hoping to get responses from girls in case any of you dealt with this type of thing w your b/f or ex b/fs.

Answer 1

Hey killbot,
I'd like to tell you a little story about one my friends first. There was this guy who was really into her, and they were really good friends, but she was never really interested in him romantically. My friend was a good person overall, but I think she was afraid that she wouldn't find her dream guy in time, so she kept this guy hanging on all the while, as a safety net. This guy really cared about her, or it seemed like that anyway, and I don't think he understood that she wasn't really interested in him romantically.
So anyway, when I read what you told us she says to you: that she's unsure. I have to wonder if she's in it for all the right reasons. She seems like a good person, and she seems to really care about you. But what you need to find out is if you're her ONE and ONLY. You know, find out if she's not searching for something better all the time she's with you.
I think in part, YOU do need to be a little less possessive. Maybe it really is harmless fun. Don't constantly be on her case, not unless she's given you a genuine reason for concern.
What I think you need to do now is, sit her down and have an honest heart-to-heart conversation. Ask her why she's in this relationship, what it means to her, and what she wants out of it. You both really need to put your cards out on the table. Let her know you're serious about this relationship, then ask if she's willing to take it seriously as well. Ask her if you're her number 1, because you should be. Don't fight with her about it though! Do this is a calm, nice, loving manner. There is always a positive way to resolve your problems.
I really believe your relationship could be helped with some honest conversations and better communication. You need to let her know in a calm way when something she does is bugging you. You need to make her understand WHY it's bugging you, and then calmly let her explain her side of the story. Be understanding and reach a compromise. You guys shouldn't be breaking up and getting together just like this. There should be consistency.
Anyway, I want you to remember that YOU are worth it. Don't ever sell yourself short. This girl should be in this relationship as much as you are, and I hope she is. With a little work, I think both of you can feel sure about your relationship. Good luck! :)

Answer 2

First off, look at EVERYONE's myspace. They're all looking for someone..anyone. Don't lose any sleep over it quite frankly.

You're jealous, and that's a normal reaction to having another man talk to your woman. Explain it to her, and make her understand that your jealousy is just because of your love for her. Remember that trust is something you should share. Give her some space on this, make her make the right decision, and don't keep any secrets from her, just tell her what you're expecting from the relationship and let it happen.

If you find yourself getting angry in the future, take a break, take a walk, call her back, take a deep breath...try and remind yourself that you need to be rational and adult about it.

Answer 3

this is a good opportunity to give real, and really needed advice, with the risk that you wont want to hear the truth! if you really loved this girl, you would automatically trust her, and take her at her word. too many times, we take attachment as love, and it is simply not the case! true love has no conditions attached. it doesnt need any. if you are insecure, then she is not the right one. even in a relationship, the two parties still have to have an amount of privacy, it is wrong to look through her phone, purse, or any other private space. dont make your insecurity issues hers to deal with, find a reputable counselor, and get the issues fixed, as you will encounter these same issues, over and over again.

Answer 4

take it from me bro, im a year older than you and i know exactly what you are going through. This is what you should do....

Get rid of her because she is jerking you around and that is not cool, especially if what you are saying applies. You both screwed up, but whatever that isnt the issue. You are missing the best years of your life by being with someone who isnt as old as you. You could be out at bars meeting hoochies and having a great time. Trust me i dated a girl for two years and was crushed when she kicked me to the curb, but now im as happy as i could be without having anyone tied to me or having that burden. BELIEVE ME BROTHER!

Answer 5

Honestly, regardless of the reasons, if there is this much doubt in the relationship and you don't trust her, then it is probably just time to move on. I'd stay broken up and start looking elsewhere for a girl. It is silly to wait around for something to happen that likely is not going to work out anyway. Good luck!

Answer 6

The question is do you really trust her. Hey i say this & this is just me. If no one finds what I have interesting then it is something wrong. If you trust her then tell her. What is love without the trust. Now you know that you wouldn't like if she did the samething to you. If a girl was texting you. If she never met him then let it go. She is comming home to you. Tell her you love & trust her. That is the only way this relationship is going to stay solid. If there is no trust then you both must go your seperate ways.

Answer 7

This depends on how you feel. If you really feel she is telling you the truth and you can trust her, than apologize and tell her that and don't go through her phone. If she continues to be sneaky and you feel she isn't giving you everything that you don't need to be with someone you can't trust.
Make her show you that you can trust her, and tell her that you do. Tell her you care about her and you won't do it again, and realy DON'T do it again, or you'll really regret it. If you really care about her and want to be with her, then tell her and remind her of how much you care about her.
Hope this helps :) it helped my relationship. and we've been together for a year. just let her know you care about her and you don't want to get hurt. make her show you that she really cares about you. and you should be able to trust her, because without trust you really can't have a relationship.
-C

Answer 8

I think your history has shown that this probably isn't the ideal relationship for either of you. You have trust issues, and she seems to have issues with having a serious relationship.
Either way, you need to give her some space, stop snooping around and trust that if it's 'right' she'll call you back.
I think you should move on though. Life's too short to beg people to date you.

Answer 9

Wait, one why were you snooping through her phone? Two, she didn't even text him back so why are you so jealous? Three, she can TALK to whoever she wants as long as she's loyal to you and it sounds like she is. So basically you're insecure and she has every right to be angry. You dug yourself into this hole. You both will feel better once you start trusting her! She's not waiting to talk to him first, she's waiting for you to calm down and find your common sense and she's waiting for HER to calm down so she can be rational with you. Which is what you need to do with her.

Answer 10

maybe u 2 just need some time apart........ u have 2 miss eachother sometimes. Bbut u have 2 try 2 trust her....... i understand completely where ur comming from cause i do the same stuff. I believe shes thinking