I need funny, inspiring quotes!!?

Question

They can be funny, inspirational, or even a bit depressing. I just need everyone's favorite quotes- try not to get too serious!

Answer 1

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada" --Britney Spears.

Answer 2

I'll write an excerpt from my own poem, let's see if people like it. I wrote it over a couple of years back, don't have a copy of the published version, just writing what I can recall and adding up something fresh. It talks of how human life, at times, becomes a struggle and how it proves to be tough to hold on to one's values and convictions. The poem shows how a piece of coal, if it withstands times and difficulties, can turn into a diamond. (According to what is famous: Coal and diamond are 2 different forms of pure carbon, coal can turn into diamond owning to the pressure and heat under the earth's crust). In life one should face tough situations while holding on to truth and one's moral ethics. Hope this is inspirational. Also, it has the message of positivity and perseverance. "Long long ago, it's a tale too old, In the depth of the earth, there was a big strong coal. ... It had never liked the pressure or the heat, Sitting below the earth, a thousand feet. ... It sadly saw its friends being fetched one after another, But then smiled and recalled what one heard of one's mother. ... And so did it pay this patient wait, That it too was extracted, though late! And wonder of wonders, dear o dear! It was no longer a coal mere. It had grown in value too far, Diamond had it turned, excellence par!" There are other sayings, but the one that I have made mine is "The only substitute of hard work is harder work".

Answer 3

'there's no such thing as a well-adjusted slave"
how can anyone chose sides when we all live on a round planet?'
'have you ever noticed how hard it is to argue with someone whose not obsessed with being right' (those three are wayne dyers)
my orginals include, 'my dildo has a wildo' 'god hates a coward' 'i'll try anything once and twice to be sure'
and ben franklin said 'anyone who sacrifices privacy in order to gain security diserves neither'
some others whos authors i've forgotton although deepok chopra and john bradshaw come to mind are: 'when the student is ready, the teacher will appear' and 'everything happens for a reason, and that reason will be revealed to you when the time is right'
i also like telling folks in an effort to explain my eccentricity, "i am a visionary; ahead of my time- its just that nobody else can see it.
i lead a path for others to ridicule and then eventually follow --
and a favorite drinking toast of mine is 'draft beer not men' but i didn't originate that one either.

Answer 4

Treat everyone with politeness,Even those who are rude to U…..Not because they are not nice,But bcoz u are nice….!!!

i am not sure what life could bring… I am not sure if dreams comes true… I am not sure what lov can do… but i am sure about one thing.. IT IS WELL WITH NOW AND FOREVER.

.wh eva get ur attention will get u.the more u think about smthg, the stronger it takes hold of u. defeat bad though wit clear thinking.

Never be like the hand that crushed theflower but be like a crushed flower which leaves fragrances in the hands who crushes it.

Every Failure is a lesson–Learn well,every Success is a Battle-Fight it & every Friend is a jewel-Keep well in ur heart

every bad situation will have something positive in it…even a stopped clock shows correct time twice a day…so alwayz think +ve

The world will provide you with stones everyday; what you build out of it is your outlook - A bridge or a wall.

wen someone loves u,u don’t realize it wen u realize it,it’s too late u always love those who leave & leave those who love u.

lyf is lyk a Piano,
white keys r happy moments,
n black keys r sad moments,
but rember both keys r playd
2gthr 2 giv sweet music
CALLD LIFE….

A person who truly luvs u n
knws u is someone who
sees d pain in ur eyes
while evryone else still
believs in d smyl on ur face.

D worlds most happiest person nvr gets
all d best things arnd them.
they jus make d best of wat they get..

Wen u share urself wid othrs,
lyf begins to find it true meanin,
d tym u touch d hearts of othrs,
is d moment u truly start livin..

Answer 5

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.


Life is like stepping onto a boat which is about to sail out to sea and sink.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

I wanna live 'til I die, no more, no less.

You can't deny laughter; when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.

The torpid artist seeks inspiration at any cost, by virtue or by vice, by friend or by fiend, by prayer or by wine.


:)

Answer 6

Funny AND inspirational? That's tough, but I think I have a couple:

It's better to help people than garden gnomes.
--Audrey Tautou, in the film "Amelie"

"It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that."
---G. H. Hardy (1877 - 1947)

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind."
--William Shakespeare

"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly."
--Rose Franken

"Life is hard. After all, it kills you."
-- Katharine Hepburn

"True friends stab you in the front."
--Oscar Wilde

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."
-- Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.”
--George Carlin

"You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike."
--Dave Attell

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
Steven Wright.

"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."
-- Sir Francis Bacon

"Happiness has a bum rap. People say it shouldn't be your goal in life. Oh, yes it should."
-- Richard Dreyfuss

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it by not dying."
--Woody Allen

"You're not going crazy, you're going sane in a crazy world!"
--The Tick

"No one gets into heaven without a glowstick!"
--Homer Simpson

"I was high on life, but eventually I built up a tolerance."
-- Arj Barker

"If someone wants a sheep, then that means that he exists."
--Antoine de Saint-Exupery, "The Little Prince"

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
--MLK

"If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
-- Mitch Hedburg

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use."
--Galileo Galilei

Answer 7

Yogi Berra!

Answer 8

i'm not sure if this is inspiring or funny, but a quote i love is..: "I'm still here to catch you if you fall, I don't know why I care so much, when I shouldn't care at all." Ok, definatly not inspiring but it's a good one!!

Answer 9

"Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination."
-Mark Twain

"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
-Unknown

"With great power comes great responsibility."
-Spiderman's Uncle Ben

Answer 10

Beer is proof god exists and loves us!

Ben Franklin