So my fiance and I are have been together for 2 years and we have set a wedding date 2008. I love his family for the most part, His dad and mom are wonderful to me. But his brother who has been dating the "devil" since high school just got engaged, and they plan on getting married before us! She is seriously the devil, she controls my fiance's brother and won't let him talk 2 me when she is around, She also ruined a family vacation last year by indirectly cussing me out through a bathroom door 4 no reason, ignores me when I am in the same room, wouldn't congradulate my finace and I on our engagement and treats the family like SH*T! but the family tries to just forgert things when they need to just put her in her place!I really cant stand her and we all wish he wouldn't marry her.She has been such a horrible person to me.I know she is just super jealous and envious, but that doesn't make it alright for her to treat me like this.After all of this I certainly dont want to attend the Wed!!
2007-05-21 08:51:10 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I surely do understand your agony on seeing ill treatment of your self and your in-laws by the other girl but lets look at facts:
1) She will be part of your family
2) You would like to keep in touch with your brother in law
3) Your in-laws will want to keep in touch with their son
So until something really terrible is done by her, chances are everyones relationship with her will be thin but exist because of her husband.
His parents/family may take up her tantrums because it is their SON but you surely are not expected to be the same. In everyone's eye you are an equal. You should definetly stand up for yourself albeit keeping a dignified poise, as much as possible.
Not attending the marriage again is not a good idea simple because it is immature. It is a big event for your brother-in-law, your in-laws and most important your would-be husband. For their happiness its okie prepare yourself for some mild irritation, possibly something that you can even reduce if you plan and be with interesting people during the wedding. "Dont fight small battles but be prepared for the war"
2007-05-21 09:06:09 · answer #1 · answered by Prashant P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She obviously has some issues with you as well. Can you take ownership for your part in it? Why not try setting a lunch date for the two of you where you can talk about your differences. You both can air grievances, apologize, and vow to be helpful instead of hurtful to eachother in the future. Believe me, you don't want this animosity going into your marriage. I am not saying just get over it by any means, but a person like this can really be a wrecking ball in a marriage if you let it. So make an attempt with her. If she blows you off, then at least you tried and I would say stay away from her as much as possible.
2007-05-21 09:38:14 · answer #2 · answered by NONAME 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I read about your fiance's feeling about her is that part where you wrote ' the family just tries to forget her' Is that all he feels? I mean is it no big to him? Does he agree with you or have any strong feeling about her? If not, then I would reconsider him since you will always, at ever holiday, birth, death wedding etc. have her in your life. It isnt worth it is it?
If however, your fiance feels JUST as bad as you do about it, then try for an intervention. In other words enlist other family members to get with you and plan something to say that would get this girl straightened out and to know her place. Good luck. She sounds like a real loser.
2007-05-21 09:07:36 · answer #3 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to my life. I have the same thing going on but my hubby has two brothers and both girl friends are doing the same thing. My only advise to you is ignore it. When she acts like that, you act back, giving her what she wants. Don't talk to her, pretend she is not in the room. Stop feeding her obsession with you. Clearly she is jealous and that is why she acts like that. You do not want the brothers to get to fighting because the girls can't get along. And let her have her wedding first, this way, you can see all the mistakes she makes and make your twice as good as hers. Look at it as a good thing that she is getting married first.
2007-05-21 09:05:44 · answer #4 · answered by Va princess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you go or not is up to you.
You will have to answer "questions" if you don't go. That can be awkward - very awkward. Not to mention lowering yourself to her level.
It is always best to take the high road - even if you don't want to - in fact, especially if you don't want to.
So plan on going.
Just be as cordial and polite as you can. Limit your exposure to this woman as much as civilly possible. and when you can't get away, always smile one of those distant "Mona Lisa" smiles.
Don't argue with her - just keep smiling that Mona Lisa smile.
This will drive her nuts. When she goes off on a tirade, just shrug and say, "well, I just don't have the words to describe...." And smile that Mona Lisa smile.
If she asks you to be in the wedding party, (as she might - bridezillas are apt to do this) tell her thank you and how flattered you are to be asked, but you just aren't able to fulfill the duties of a bridesmaid at this time. Tell her to please choose someone else who is better suited to make the extra special for her. And ask if you could hand out programs and show people to their seats instead. And smile that Mona Lisa smile.
Eventually, the rest of the family will put her in her place - but you limit your time around her as much as you possibly can.
2007-05-21 09:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your bro-in-law will figure her out eventually and when he does he will need all the family support he gets. You must be the bigger person and go to the wedding. You don't have top stay at the reception forever. Just show up so your future in laws can see you are a team member and it wont cause problems then.
2007-05-21 08:58:26 · answer #6 · answered by stefani h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Problem is, this is your fiance's family. Regardless of your personal feelings, you should not make the situation any worse for your fiance. Cause if you do, you are basically doing the same thing as her and making your fiance choose between you and his brother. Just suck it up because eventually what goes around comes around. Just support your brother in law for when the train wreck happens.
2007-05-21 08:58:06 · answer #7 · answered by sleepyhead 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are under NO OBLIGATION to attend this wedding but keep in mind..its also your fiance's brother wedding. Unless you feel the same way about him, why not attend HIS wedding. Support him in his decision because it is his to make not your or his families. I wouldnt attend her bridal shower (you probably wont get invited anyway) I wouldnt try to be anything to this chick and do not let her aggravate or irritate you. She gets off on it!
2007-05-21 08:59:29 · answer #8 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooohh thats horrid!!! First of all ( I know this may sound very modest) but try sorting out your differences with her. If thats not an option then i sincerely think you should tell another member of the close family this so that unnecessary comments can be retaliated!! Dont sound too biased though, say htings like 'I know its probably because shes stressed about ....' etc. Hope this helps !!
2007-05-21 08:56:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've seen this with a couple of my friends, and all I can tell you is that he's happy with being controlled. Everything revolves around the emotional trauma/memories sustained as a child (doesn't have to be life-altering, everyone has them.. that's what makes us us) and he likes to be submissive. I know it's family and it's supposed to be the strongest bond, but if he wants the distance, you just give him the ruler.
2007-05-21 08:55:19 · answer #10 · answered by Michael L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋