29 and don't know how to deal with Catholic parents?!?!?

Question

When I left home I decided to go from Catholic to Lutheran for my own reasons. This has caused a major rift in my ultra-Catholic family. When my parents don’t bring it up, everyone gets along fine. But every so often they lay into me about how religiously wrong I am and how disappointed God is in me. They are impossible to reason with and it never ends well. A couple weeks ago it happened again and I got so angry with my mom that I hung up and we haven’t spoken since. In the past I would be the first one to call back and play peacemaker, but I’m tired of that because it’s the same cycle over and over. I am expecting my first child and I don’t want to shut them out, but I’m angry that they keep sabotaging our relationship for such a silly reason. So do I eat my pride and make nice, or do I wait for them to make the first move since they’re the unreasonable ones? It’s been 11 years and I’m tired of this.

Answer 1

If you would have asked me this 5 years ago, I would have sided with your parents....BUT as I have matured in my faith (i am catholic) i have realized, whether you are catholic, lutheran, methodist, buddist, muslim, whatever, arent we all praying to the same GOD? The only real difference is how you choose to worship him. I had to deal with the same issue in my family. Come from a strong catholic family and sibling left the church. Mom had a difficult time just because her faith was that important to her. But I have repeatedly that it doesnt matter in the whole grand scheme of things if your not catholic, as long as you believe in god, and do it your own way, that is just as good. It is your life, you get to decide how you choose to live your life. Do what YOU feel is right. Your parents, I would hope, will eventually come around...but your 29, an adult, your parents should be mature enough to accept your decision...good luck!

Answer 2

Let's take this one piece at a time. Shall We?

<<29 and don't know how to deal with Catholic parents?!?! When I left home I decided to go from Catholic to Lutheran for my own reasons.>>

You do realize that it is impossible for me to see the parents as the "problem" when you did not give any details other than "my own reasons." Objectively speaking, given the Commandment "Honor thy mother and thy father", I must give the benefit of the doubt to the parents.


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The fact your parents disprove of your conversion to Lutheranism doesn't make them "ultra"-Catholicisms. Using your own standards, doesn't your refusal to consider their points of view make you an ultra-Lutheran?


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Your parents are only looking out for your spiritual well-being, as parents should. You foresaking the Catholic for any other Church is disappointing to God.


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If 'reason' is all that is necessary to buy into Lutheran Doctrine, there is either something wrong with Lutheranism, or something wrong with your decision to leave Catholicism for Lutheranism.

What about Faith? Faith should be a part of the decision as well. If you rely on reason alone, you are making a spiritual decision based on less that is available to help you discern the right course of action.


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See the discord that can happen when you foresake the Catholic Church? Had you never left, would not your life be, for lack of a better word, "peaceful"?


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Your parents are not sabotaging anything. You have initiated these events through rebellion against the Catholic Church, the Church of your parents. All this discord between you and your parents can be traced back to that event.

We reap what we sow. If you reap abandonment of Jesus' Church, you should not be surprised if peace of Christ, once taken for granted, now becomes a comodity.


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I am sorry but you have not provided anything that leads me to believe your parents are the unreasonable ones here. The Commandment Honor thy mother and the father are valid to matter what. It doesn't matter that you're an adult - they are still your parents and you MUST respect them. It doesn't matter that you don't live under their roof anymore. They are still your parents and you MUST respect them.

More importantly, you must respect God. You can respect Him by respecting the Commandment Honor thy mother and thy father.

Answer 3

Religous differences or not...My advice is to totally be the one to call and at least try. I wouldn't go too out of my way, and maybe don't even call send a greeting card that is about "Just thinking of you" or something, let them know that you still love them and appreciate thier opinion while at the same time reserving the right to have your own opinions about religion. Ask them how far back in the family tree you would have to go to find someone who also had a difference of opinion in religion....it happened at some time no matter how long ago it was. Ask them to at least be tolorent of your choices even if they do not agree with them. Be sure to stay in contact with them even if they make it hard to...they are your family and whether you feel like it or not someone has to be the bigger person and it might as well be you! Good Luck! Congrats on your decision Lutheran Chick!

Answer 4

Erin,
I went through kind of the same thing with my parents. I grew up Lutheran in a Liberal Protestant synod and when I got out of college and got married; my wife and I decided to switch to another church. The one we chose was in a radically different synod. This upset my father (who was actually raised German Reformed), so you can see in the irony of being hassled by my father of our change in membership.
I might make a couple of suggestions:
1. Remind them of the positive reasons why you joined your church.
2. Remind them that the church you joined is not a cult and they should be thankful that you are attending a church, just not one of their denomination.
3. It sounds like you do not live with your parents, at a certain point you have to not let them run your life. There are times my father attempts to do so and I keenly remind him that as long as my decisions are not illegal, immoral, are approved by my wife and I don’t owe them money (for financial issues) then they really have no say. Although they never stop being your parents, they do need to let go at some point.
4. Invite them to church with you. Just make sure that this is not an attempt to convert them, but to reassure them about your new church. You may find that as a Lutheran church, they may find a lot of things that are similar to their Roman Catholic practices and faith. Invite them to your baby's baptism.
5. Always, always try to reconcile your relationships with your family and friends. Don't let this behavior come between you and your parents.
6. I found that when my daughter was born, these kind of issues never came up.

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Danny H,
You say that you are not "judging" Erin, but yet that is all you do in your post. You provided no valid or good reason why joining a Lutheran church was a mistake. Other than your cousin married a Lutheran. My cousin married a Lebanese Roman Catholic, so I guess that was a mistake using your logic.

Answer 5

i'm sixty 8 years previous and switched over from a Protestant denomination to the Catholic Church whilst i became 27 y/o, in order that which you already know the place i'm coming from. The Catholic Church became no longer between the earliest denominations, it became the only Church for 1000 years whilst the Orthodox broke away somewhat and then the protestants broke away in the 1600's. each and every from time to time you definately will hear Protestants say that Catholics are actually not Christians yet we are extra Christian than every person! you're dealing with a confusing time with the prospect that your mom has maximum cancers and that i may be such as you and experience that i choose God to assist me by way of this. God is with you whether you're in church or no longer and he will enable you in this hard time whether you reside Catholic or convert to a Protestant Denomination. it truly is often no longer a solid thought to make a brilliant decision once you're in a stressful time and that i might inspire you to ask God for enable you and boost your understand-how in this stressful time, then decide once you're in a extra advantageous place emotionally. I easily have discovered it truly is many times no longer a solid thought to make enormous judgements consistent with emotions. i understand one in all your individuals suggested you should persist with your coronary heart yet i do no longer have confidence your coronary heart and your emotions are an identical undertaking. Why does a guy or woman choose from the Christian church homes to belong to and bypass to? i think of the wonderful decision is which you have confidence that their teachings are closest to the actuality and closest to what the Bible says ( The Bible is the actuality). sure, it is likewise solid to experience such as you're comfortable in that church. Ask God that can assist you're making this decision, He on no account fails to assist me with this sort of undertaking. I only study Toaster Jenkins and Doug. Neither one in all them is conscious what the Bible says or what the Catholic Church teaches. they're the two only assuming that what somebody instructed them or what they study is authentic. God bless you and that i'm hoping that I easily have written some thing that has been effective to you.

Answer 6

Im lutheran and went to a catholic school, dont reall have advice about parents but there is lil difference in the two denominations, and ask your mom if she knows if God is disappointed in me too cause if she has that ability then I would love to know... honestly religion is a path towards whatever faith is seeking, and no matter how you get there... My mom is all about religion too and I tell her I use the doctrine of right action and as long as I am a good person God doesnt car what religion I am because it matters what you do not how you pray.

Answer 7

Would you put up with a friend lecturing you about your religion like that? I doubt it. Just because they are your parents doesnt give them the right to put you down. Your 29 years old and way past childhood. You will have your own children soon and Im guessing your parents will be sneaking in remarks behind your back to them about God not being happy with you. You need to either settle this now or limit contact with them. If I were you I wouldnt return the call. Let them swallow their pride.

Answer 8

I am assuming that you have prayed about this. If not do so right away. Something to pray might be for God to put a guard at you mouth (Proverbs)

Are you married? Often is is helpful for a husband to step in a protect his wife in these kinds of problems. Men have a way of keeping their cool no matter what insults are thrown.

If not, tell your parents that it is a closed subject and you will no longer discuss it. Then if it comes up just repeat those words "mom, this is not something we are going to discuss" if she persists calmly say "mom since this isn't something we can talk about I'm going to hang up now, i love you, (click) And yes call her back, you have to act like Christ even when others do not.

God Bless You

Answer 9

nope, don't call her back; you have every right to practice the religion of your choice, and if your parents are so offended and put off by that, then the problem has everything to do with them, and not you; if it is impossible to reason with them, don't get into the debate in the first place, but by all means, defend yourself in a respectful manner when your parents do bring it up. Let your mother know that you do not apologize for your beliefs, and that if she continues with this confrontational attitude, it will only impair her relationship with you. You *keep* your pride, stand your ground, and hopefully she will get the message; your parents/mother will have to choose some middle ground between at least tolerating your faith, or not speaking to you entirely. Either way, can you imagine a healthy relationship between you and your mother in which you always cede the moral high ground to her? What, may I ask, does that suggest of her views toward you?

Answer 10

Good Luck with your baby ! And your parents ! I really don't know the difference between Catholic or Lutheran . Sorry But I wouldn't get upset while caring the baby , it might upset the baby . You need to tell mom and dad Thanks for all you guys have done for me , and I want to raise my child up in Lutheran . Beside when You go up you move away from home and change things the way you want to live !!Tell mom and dad to enjoy their time together.