How to help a friend - alcholic/addict?

Question

Hi. My best friend has recently moved to another town, about 10 miles away. Before she left, she used to drink maybe once or twice a week, and smoke a bit of weed every now and again in social situations.

However, since she's moved away, she's been going out alone to drink, smoke weed, and has recently used cocaine. She admitted to me the other day that she resents her parents making her move house and that she first started doing drugs to get back at her parents (as she thought they couldn't stop her) but she's now addicted.

She's a lovely girl, very intelligent and pretty, but I'm really worried she's going to turn into a waster. She works at a leisure centre, where most of her colleagues are drug users, and it was actually her boss who gave her cocaine.

I really want to help her, and I've tried mentioning it to her, but she doesn't really think she has a problem. Her parents do have their suspicions but haven't done anything. Please help :(

She sort of knows she has a problem, she joke tells me she's an alcoholic and things like that, so she's on her way.

I'm worried about giving her tough love, as in her new town the only people she knows are druggies and her cousin who does her no favours at all. If I don't do something, nobody will.. :(

Her other 'best friend' has said just leave her to it, there's nothing we can do, but I'm not willing to let her waste her life away.

I wasn't talking to her for about 6 months (because of other problems) so I wasn't around when it started to get out of hand, but she's suffered from panic attacks and other anxiety disorders so I think that's another reason why she uses.

Thanks for all your help so far, any more would be greatly appreciated! Nobody seems to take me seriously as they've all given up on her :(

Oh and we're both 17 :)

To reply to wax777 :)!

When she's been drinking or smoking, she does things like unprotected sex with people she barely knows. The bizarre thing is she hasn't expressed that she regretted doing it, the only reason I can think of is that if she admits she regrets it it's like admitting she has a problem.

She's only 5 foot ish, and slim, so she can't handle much drink, and she doesn't know when to stop either. Almost every time she drinks she drinks too much and throws up.

The other day she said she had no money, and I asked why and she said it's because she spends it all on weed.

It hasn't become totally out of control, she's still herself when she's sober and she isn't neglecting her appearance or anything like that.

I'm going to do some research into AA meetings around our area, and if I pass my driving test (tomorrow :)!!) I'll definately be taking her to some I think.

Does anyone have any ideas as to whether I should tell her where we're going first or just take her? :) x

Answer 1

Without meaning to sound harsh until she admits there is a problem there is very little you can do to help her, just be there and if/when the time come that she admits there is a problem you can then be there to help her, the first port of call would be perhaps the GP or an alcohol/drugs counsellor these can be found in your local phone book infact it may help for you to go and see them for advice on the best way to deal with this situation.

I wish you all the best of luck and hope your friends realises there is a problem sooner rather than later

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your friend. Unfortunately, most addicts won't quit until something happens or unless they miraculously wake up and realize they need help, which is beyond rare. Some people never stop because they never hit rock bottom. They can go on for years because they are able to survive and still do their drugs. Maybe you can help her learn what her "triggers" are. Triggers are the reason people drink, smoke or do drugs. When she is triggered that might be why she goes out for the alcohol, weed, or cocaine. It seems she is very angry and hurt by her parents. She may be covering this sadness by using drugs. I used to be an alcoholic and went thru eight months of counseling. I learned what triggered me to drink and it was my doctor that found a condition in me to where I was likely self-medicating. Now, I do have to take medication but I am alcohol free and feel better than I have in years. Also, when someone is abusing substances, often their self-esteem is low. Does she have insurance? Can she afford a doctor or counselor? There are free groups such as AA/NA but I was lucky I had insurance. And perhaps you can talk her into getting new employment. It sounds like she really doesn't want to be this way. Her employer is giving her drugs and the environment sounds non-conducive to good health. Another thing that can give a "high" is exercise. If you lived in the same town, maybe you two could exercise. But the bottom line is that you don't. So, maybe you could gather information on addiction and what it does to the spirit and body. Give it to her and tell her you'll help in any way you can. You have internet acess; look for assistance groups in her city and have a list ready for her to look at. Some counselors work on a sliding scale as to what their fees will be based on the client's income. Maybe you could look into that too. It's a hard thing to do to try and help someone and sometimes a person has to wind up helping themselves. I had to. I had a DUI and it prompted me to seek counseling and get with a physician to see if there was a good reason for the drinking. I wish her and you the best success and I pray for her recovery!

Answer 3

I have been in this situation as well. I would suggest a program called ALANON. ALANON can help you, your friends parents and anyone else that is close to your friend. It is an anonymous group of people that have been through what your going through with your friend with people that are active or recovering alcohol/drug users. They also have a program called ALATEEN for younger people like yourself. You can look them up on the internet and find the closest ALANON/ALATEEN near you. They have meeting locations/days/times listed and its free. They will point you in the right direction. Do not struggle with this alone. Regardless of what her parents want to believe about their daughter, you are not in denial and are doing the right thing to seek help. Your not betraying her your helping her but the choice to get better will be up to her to go into the AA/NA program and get better. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make the horse drink! Your friend can not help you with the problem she has nor can she make you understand it. Only you can help you. Stay strong. I know its painful to watch someone you care about abuse their bodies but that is her choice. You can be a friend to her and offer her guidance and support but only if you can handle it. Supporting someone who is addicted is draining and thats where ALANON can help. Seek information and try a beginners meeting, you have nothing to loose, you might like it. Good luck!

Answer 4

Tell her that you love her and she is going to end up wasted away, and ugly and you don't want to see that happen. I don't know how old you all are, but if she is a minor, you can contact her local drug enforcement (call the nonemergency line for the police and get the number), and tell them that a minor is using those drugs and the parents aren't doing anything to stop it. Also, maybe contact a local rehab center and ask for more advice. They would know best. Maybe also tell your parents so that you aren't going through this alone. They may be able to help bring more light to the situation.

Pray for her.

Answer 5

Get her the facts....go to an NA meeting with her be there for her when she finally does come out and admit that she needs help and if you havent told her parents yet then you should...because a true friend would not let a friend go down that road without everything being done that they could do to try to prevent it...you are nice to worry about your friends like this most people who think their friends are friends are doing it too and pushing at them i must say you are one true friend and we need more of you in this world!!

Answer 6

Quick answer!

Rehabilitation Center
and Divine Intervention. - for her to feel the guilt.

-convince her to seek medical attention.
-make her believe you that you care for her and saving her for much graver situation.
-Go with her in religious community seminars and meetings.


That is really a difficult situation for you, but for your friend I think its not, because she doesn't know the real problem she's at...her parents gave up, her relatives gave up, her other best friend gave up...The only one that never give up is you. Which is very noble. But you still have to do some sacrifices, words also needs actions. Be her secretary...because usually they are very stubborn.

Before she's in denial of her addiction and now she's on a stage of acceptance...Acceptance of her dependability on liquor and drugs which is a bad thing.

What's happening to her when she's high on substance? What's the effect on her? I've known people hooked much worst than your friend, they even do criminal acts, but they changed in a snap. How?...because they eventually felt the guilt. Guilt is much powerful than Incarceration.

Answer 7

like everyone else unless she wants to stop there is not much
you can do - try and do things with her that donn't involve
drugs or alcohol - try going to a youth help group either together or one your own - if she gets really into it you are
going to have to tell her parents - this is not fair on you as
a friend and tell her you love her but at the moment she no fun
and a pain in the ****
ps report the boss that is awful

Answer 8

this is tragic. problem is no one trys a drug or two thinking that they will end up NOT being able to stop. some do, but some just end up never getting over drug use.

sadly she is going to want to stop herself - you can be supportive, and try to talk to her, but other than that, i don't know.

you might want to talk to a drug and alcohol counselor - perhaps they have some advice.

Answer 9

your friend does not sound like an alcoholic/addict. she sounds more like a youngling being young.

an alcoholic/addict does not want help. all they want is to continue to feed the disease... no more, no less.

a friend or loved one can only be honest and hope that the truth hurts enough that the addict will want to help themself.

i was just painfully honest with an alcoholic mother in-law... I hope it hurt enough though it probably didn't.

Answer 10

Phone her, talk to her, greet her, sometimes visit her and do some drug free enjoyable activity.

And see if you can ever get her to have therapy...

That would be great.